Please, please, please

I’ve been on the end of my rope now for about a week. So many things have been going wrong and getting so much worse. The reality of physically not having anywhere to go after I move out of the dorms for the summer is really starting to sink in. I tried to convince my boyfriend that we should stop seeing eachother to make it easier for him when I go. I can really see that there’s no getting better for me. I feel like it would be easier for him if we weren’t together when it happens. He was so confused and it made me feel so terrible that I couldn’t tell him. We’ve been in a long distance relationship and he hasn’t seen the changes that have been happening to me. He loves me so much. And I love him so much more which is why I have to do this. If we did end up spending our lives together he would just end up being miserable. I’d become a shell of a person that couldn’t make him happy. I want more than anything that he ends up having the happiest life imaginable. I know how much this will hurt him, but it’ll be better in the future because he’ll find someone who can give him everything he deserves. I love him so much. He’s all I have and I can’t keep him just to help me when it will make him so miserable. I’ve been so sad. My family is gone. I have no home. I can’t feel happy anymore. I’m incapable of loving or maybe I love too much I don’t know. I miss my little brother, and my mom, and my dad. My sister lives in the same town as me, but she doesn’t visit. I’ll see her once every two or three months maybe and if I try to talk to her, she’ll tell me to grow up, to toughen up, or something like that. She doesn’t understand. She didn’t have to be there to try and find out what to do when mom had a seizure, she didn’t have to be there at 2 in the morning after the police man brought dad home after a near fatal car accident and then have to talk him down from suicide, she didn’t have to be there to comfort her little brother over our parents divorce. She doesn’t know what I’ve been through and she doesn’t want to know. She’s my big sister. I miss my family. I wish I could see them and hug them. All I want is to be able to go home and curl up the on the couch with my puppy and watch cartoons like I used to. But I don’t have a home anymore or a family. I just want somebody to know. I just want somebody to talk to.