It doesn’t get better, so it seems.

In the past ten months the following has happened:
Sept: My grandpa was missing for three days. He was found alright. However I had to face the fact that both him and I would tell each other we were ok, while we were both falling apart. And my ‘boyfriend’ came home from a summer away and went back to being emotionally abusive.
Oct: My friend/boyfriend continued to be abusive, and also was struggling with depression. At the end of the month I had to call his mom because he was suicidal. He hated me for it.
November: My little brother had a seizure and was diagnosed with epilepsy.
December: I was diagnosed with a tethered spine and lipoma on my spine.
January: My sweet new boyfriend continued to struggle with self harm and depression.
March: Ex-boyfriend/best friend and I had a fight and didn’t talk for three weeks. He was emotionally abusive as well.
This summer: My sweet boyfriend is away all summer. Yesterday my friend drowned.
It just never gets better. It seems at least.
With my friend dying last night, I can’t commit suicide for a while because it would be insensitive to everyone. Especially his family, who wouldn’t generally be effected by my death.
I’m so sick of this messed up world. I don’t want to be here. I hate this.