The idea of killing myself is becoming more and more frequent, the plans, the ideas, the notes.. I have written so many of them.
If only she could see that I am suffering without her.. That I am lost, hopeless.. alone. Life seems so meaningless, so insignificant. My mind has sunk deep into an abyss of sadness and sorrow. I don’t know how much more I can take.
She was my world. Yet she left me.. Left me with no explanation. As time passed I worked it out. She left me for someone else. Someone I have know since I was a kid, initially I […]
You let it happen! You stood by and let her say and do whatever she wanted if its any wonder why im messed up I only look to who raised me. You never stood up to her or said anything. When I needed you the most to be a father you made your choice clearly you supported her when I needed you the most! How can one man be so different in front of people and be a whole other person when there’s no one around. I know you can’t protect me from everything but you could have protected me […]
Although I am very depressed at the moment, most of my previous posts are just long rants about that so I decided that, for Easter, I would post a true, Easter-related, funny story. Perhaps it will make you laugh, perhaps it won’t, either way it’s just a silly story from a girl desperate to *cough* check out early.
PS (I am not religious, this may offend those that are for my ignorance within the story).
When I was a child most Primary schools in Britain were somehow religious, even my school, which was not stated as religious, was run by a Christian headmaster who encouraged us to […]
i lost her. My girlfriend. She was all I had left. She promised she wouldn’t leave and now she’s gone. I’ve got nothing left to live for. Soon this gouge I took out of my wrist will make me slip away. I expect to pass out soon from the shock response, so to all of you here, I say goodbye
Things were starting to look up, but it’s all coming crashing down. I was getting stronger, not having the violent and/or scary thoughts anymore, my grades were getting better, and I was just starting to go back to my old self. Today I realized that I’m apparently not ok. A girl working in my group on a project we presented today shoved my copy in my face snobbily sarcastically thanking me for my help. I tried to help write it in class, but she took it home and never contacted the rest of us like she was supposed to, so she ended up doing it […]
So I’m startinq to let the real me out.I miss sayinq bi power on my status on Myspace lol.(Like three years aqo)I don’t know If I am bisexual.I’ve refused to answer that question In the past year and a half.Am I still attracted to boys???I don’t know,I just don’t know but I love qays tho!Yall judqe to much tho.It started when I was In eiqhth qrade.I started to qo boy huntinq with my old bestfriend causse I didn’t want her and my ex to do It and I quess I qrowed a feelinq for them.I only told three close friends,One was my old bestfriend.Couple days later two […]
Well if the title doesn’t say it all today sucked for me,well this is what happened. I’m on my break idk why but yea a week of no school ends today 🙁 I decided to hang with my best friend J and my girlfriend A and we started off at the mall ten we went to A’s house and stayed there a while. While at A’s house I was texting J’s crush B and we started secretly talking and A asked what we were saying and I int know what to do so I said no because B used to be her ex so […]
I want to do it.
On monday, im planning again…. Apart from this time i haven’t made the mistake of telling ‘Everyone’. So my intention is to travel to a bridge…and you can probably guess the rest….
Life has not gotten better, its gotten worse? My OCD has. Fear of things are coming back…and my hands can tell you that, they don’t appreciate soap as much as i thought they would….
My family know ‘Everything’…at least thats what they think, they’re some things i havent told anyone….and probably never will….It has just made life awkward, and the arguements don’t stop, either about me or about my dad.
My new […]
My feelings about suicide after a beloved family member took their own life in 2012.
Happier Times
December 16, 2008 – Tuesday […]
Well I be feeling sad and mad all the time for no reason. I’t just pop up on me!!!! I want to go back to school but they told me I had to go to alternative school. I really don’t want to !!! I hang around all grown man and Drug dealors. A couple of them tried to have sex with me but I wasn’t shock because I’m use to men doing me like this. I’m so mature for my age that people my age follows me. Well they parents think I’m a bad influence. Well I always hanged with people older then me. […]
I met my man bout 9 years ago in an online game,i visited him a few months after and it was love at first sight. We been happy as humanly possible for 8 years,we was 1,never fought never argued,we were so close. Till he told me on aug 6 2008 ,outta da blue, he was gonna go back to UK,alone. Everyone around us were jealous of our relationship it was that good. I begged him to why, took him some days to say anything and he just said i love you but it aint enough. Them last 10 days he was with me i could […]
I’ve been my practically my whole life in fear and revulsion of gays. Growing up, I never knew why I Â never knew why I hated them so much, especially older, white gays. Whenever they were around me, I would start sweating heavily and try to get away. If I couldn’t get away, if for example IÂ had to attend a meeting and they were there, I would look for trouble and try to antagonise them. This is not in my nature, so I couldn’t understand what was wrong with me. I knew it wasn’t some latent homosexuality in me, because what they did disgusted me and […]
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