I got married nearly 21 years ago to a man I thought would never do this to me. Â But now, he’s cheated on me, for a year, with someone he picked up online for casual sex. Â He says he’s never loved me, or he only loved me for two years, or he loves me but not like a wife. He tells me he’s been miserable for five years, no ten years, no fifteen years, no eighteen years. Â We “celebrated” our 20th anniversary, and he said he “even enjoyed some of the experiences” but this was before I knew about her.
I was sexually abused as […]
Sleep
“What’s the most disappointing moment of your life?”
“Waking up the next day.”
“Yeah man I know what you mean could have definitely used that extra half hour of sleep this morning.”
You don’t understandÂ
Alone In This Cruel World That So Many People Call Home While My Thoughts Brutally Attack Themselves
I’ve attempted to write my suicide note. Or notes I should say. I’m not even done with the one to my love. It’s like 4 pages long already and not even close to being finished. Do I know if I’m going to commit suicide? No. I just want everything ready for when and if it does happen. I see it being a 30 to 70%. 30% being I won’t attempted it. The other 70% is I will. Probably not now but latter.
Tomorrow and Thanksgiving and I’m not sure what to be thankful for. My family resents me. My friends will eventually turn their backs on me. What’s […]
Just want to say to all who is in hard time at the moment, STAY STRONG, you were born to make a diference in this world.
You are just so much better than those people or things that upset you, who ignoring you, who or what makes you scared… There are people who love you and who DO care for you, they may be near, or you’ll meet them later in your life (you sure will), and they need you. Think about them. Do not be selfish. You are wonderful, beautiful and this world needs you!
Believe in yourself! I DO!
Read some books, look for answers, talk to somebody, look in to yourself, try […]
I found myself writing earlier today in a notebook in the freezing cold as I waited for the bus to that would take me to work… The only reason I decided to write was so I could remember everything that was passing through my mind at the time. Reading back over it now, I’m steadily losing the will to fight with myself anymore again. I’m tired… I want to sleep and just not wake up… I know I don’t deserve that; it’s too easy, too peaceful…
I have a family I support solely, children I want to raise and a decent job by most standards, and […]
when u have so much to say but nothing is coming out your mouth .
when you have so much pain that u cry yourself to sleep .
when you have no family and no friends .
when u stay inside while other teens are out having a blast .
when u look in the mirror and are unhappy .
when everyone does you grimey .
when your misunderstood and nobody understands .
when u feel alone .
when u feel like u have no purpose on earth anymore .
when u cant stop cutting your arm .
is like the blade is your bestfriend .
So, next year, i’m going to fucking kill myself. Why? i have no fucking idea. I’m SICK of my crap. I’m sick of this depression and social anxiety. I’m sick of myself. I’m sick of being invisible and lonely. I’m sick of thinking this way. I’m sorry to everyone who actual gave a fuck about me, when i’m gone things’ll be better for you. I guess, i’m making a big mistake and i’m sinning by doing this. And from seeing people, like in Africa, who are going through war, starvation and for the woman, who go through sooo much and get raped. Grr, it makes […]
I looked back on some of the things I had written and realized that they didn’t apply to the rules of this website. So I deleted them. Up to this point, this message doesn’t apply to the rules of this website, so I should delete it. Until now. I can not stop thinking about killing myself. It’s everywhere I turn, everywhere I look. Eating dinner…stab myself in the jugular with my steak knife. Riding to work…just swerve in front of the oncoming traffic. Going to sleep…maybe I should take all my sleeping pills. I can’t get away from it.
I got kicked out of my moms house a year ago, and the day since my life hasn’t been the same. I’ve been out for a year now because I called her a ***** because she was being one. That’s it…kicked out for over a year for saying “stop being a ***** for 2 minutes”. I moved in with my grandma (worst fucking decision I could ever make). Day after day of being out in the country away from my friends and family, it hasn’t been the same. I lost all of my friends, and since she’s 5 miles away its a hassel going to […]
So I’ve been suicidal for a long time, I usually get this way after someone has treated me badly and made me feel worthless. I attempted the first time when I was 17. I have been struggling for the past year and a half not to kill myself, I’m 24 now. Sometimes the urges were almost overwhelming.
For the first time in my life I started talking to my dad about how worthless I felt. He held me and I was able to cry for the first time in five months. I cried on him for five hours, cried so hard I broke out in fever […]
My whole life I’ve been told that I was smart. Smart enough to do anything I wanted. I would be the one in the family to go the furthest and make everyone proud. Well, here I am, about to fail my first class in grad school. There’s no way out of it now, save death. The final is Monday, and I know nothing. Every time I try to study I look blankly at the slides for about a half hour, then cry for an hour, then I’m so exhausted all I want to do is take a shower and go to sleep. Everywhere I turn […]
I still recall the taste of your tears
Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears
My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore
Scraping through my head ’till I don’t want to sleep
Anymore
You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I’m down to just one thing
And i’m starting to scare myself
You make this all go away
You make this all go way
I just want something
I just want something I can never have
You always were the one to show me how
Back then I couldn’t do the things that I can do now
This […]
Hey, so this is my first time doing anything of this sort… Â I’ve read quite a few of these posts and it seems a lot of people are also having a hard time. Â Not to sound mean but it actually is helpful to know I’m not the only one.
Anyway I’ll get to the point.  I’ve been horribly depressed for a while now.  I am the socially awkward kid that no one really ever wants to talk to in class.  I have only one friend really, and now he hangs out with the “popular” kids so I am kind of left alone a lot.  (By the way […]
its been a while since ive been online. not a lot has happened. but im getting worst. me and my bf broke up, and there is this girl i just wanna kill. me and my best friend are fighting and ive got no sleep in about a week. im going crazy. i run away a lot during the day and sometimes at night. i think about death more and more. i just wanna die. before they were just thoughts but now it is serious. self harm- if i cut my wrist and hope to hit a vein, it will take hours of painful death until […]
I have a million things that I want to type but I dont know where to start.. I honestly feel empty again. I suffered a few years ago with suicide, but I was somehow able to come out of it.. A year or so later I became very depressed again and started to be suicidal and starting cutting. I hate saying that.. I cut. Not because it’s bad or wrong, I just don’t like the sound of it. Anyway, somehow i was able to tell my mom and i was able to get the help i needed. i was put on medication and seeing a […]
Ok. If you self-harm, or think no one cares about you, you should probably read this.
So I just woke up after a good 18 hours of sleep, so I’m going to post what’s on my mind while I have the energy. Throw rocks at me if you will.
So many people here don’t genuinely seem to be suicidal. Yes, I am aware that also many of you are. But a lot of people are just here to cry for attention or are depressed because a lack of attention from others. Crying for attention among other people who are here because they want attention, or because they are suicidal (and a lot of people who are suicidal are self-absorbed or caught […]
 Today is going to be a pile of shit. I’ve noticed a pattern, you know.
One day I’ll be okay, the next a bag of wank. Sorry for the curse words, but I’m cranky and sat in the dark, and I can’t sleep in the dark..
Don’t ask why, all there is to it is my mums bastard husband just came in and turned my light off. I burst into tears, I was terrified. C U N T.
I repeat, I hate the majority of this town.
Read on my fellow crazies. Let’s see, where to start? I guess the beginning. When I was five, my parents got divorced. Not a big deal right? Tons of parents get divorced and a lot of kids get to visit every other weekend or something. Well my dad packed me, my two sisters, and little brother up and brought us all the way from Ohio to New Hampshire. Leaving my mom behind. I got to see her in the summers and Christmas break for a week or so. My second-to-oldest sister had an over-eating disorder and was the first to move out of that madhouse to […]
Dear Mum,
If you find this, damn your lucky. You probably don’t even know this site exists, and now I’m writing on it.
When I said I wasn’t bothered about not being with him anymore, I lied. I cried myself to sleep every night and continue to do so until this day even thou its so far on. I’m forced to see his face everyday, he’s befriended my enemy, and when I say I don’t like that girl, I mean she wrecked everything, she found out my darkest secrets, twisted them to make them ten times worse and exposed them to everyone. Now I see them everyday, […]
Slept in on saturday.  I  got two extra hours of sleep on sunday.  Went to bed an hour early last night..  And i can barely even stay awake this morning.   I have no energy.  My body simply hurts – like I have just been swinging a sludge hammer all day.
Why am i always tired.  Why do i always feel like I have to just lay down.  How can I continue with the ‘stare at my computer and ignore all the work that is piling up around me?’ Absolutely nothing excites me anymore (other than literally for a minute at a time, and then right back into […]