I have had enuff of this world and all the shit it brings. I’ve had enuff of trying so hard only to be shoved down again! I’ve had enuff of not living just surviving. I’ve had enuff of crying myself to sleep. I’ve had enuff of cutting my arms and legs. I’ve had 15 years of this shit. This is my goodbye to this cruel ass fucked up universe. Deuces. This rope is my exit strategy
Sleep
When i was little, i started to cut myself. mind you, im only 15 now. My counsler used to ask me if i could set a goal to live ..like live to christmas or my next birthday. and i did just that. I never knew it wasnt normal to think about suicide. i think about it maybe twice a week. My mom told me one time that i was a coward for wanting to kill myself, they think i just want attention, its not. i want relief. and its sad to say i think suicide is my only way out. I’ve tried before, i took […]
Hello.
This is my note. This is the only place my note will ever be, because I’m too much of a coward to actually go through with this.
I’m nothing, I mean nothing to myself. I would really rather disappear into nothing. Scatter myself into a thousand and one atoms, floating peacefully in space. Instead I’m stuck here, in this colourless hell. The only person i can talk to won’t listen, I can’t tell her anyway. I love her too much to let her bear this.
Anyway, my name is Sian. I’m nearly sixteen, I have blonde hair and brown eyes. I’m a dancer, that’s how I define […]
I always feel I’m supposed to be at another place in another time. I never belong, never fit in. Most of my “friends” hate me. My parents work all the time. I always feel so alone. Most times, I would just cry myself to sleep. I’m really scared, scared of the future. I really wish I find a place where I actually belong.
I feel sick all the time. From drinking problem to cocaine to meth back to full-blown alcoholism, then it was pills and painkillers and benzodiazepines and now I’ve finally graduated to heroin addict. As l look down at my hands, swollen and shaky and an odd color of purplish-grey…. I don’t know how I got here. I’m only 22 and I need 12-13 hours of sleep per day and so much therapy and alllll my spare time spent in waiting rooms for drs offices and hospitals…. I’m so so sick and I wonder if life would just be easier if I was gone. I no […]
I wish I could die tonite, just to close my eyes and sleep forever, no more pain…
I always wake up in the middle of the night feeling this huge hole in my hearth,
Trying to cope with everything that happened to me… thinking about what can I do but at the end to kill myself seems to be the only way out.
I want to sleep so badly! a new day is about  to start, what I’m going to do?? nothing, just stay at home. I wish I had a self destruction button, push and disappear.
Every day I hope that something can happen to make this easier for me. On my way to work, can someone run a red light and hit my car, can I just not wake up, can something out of my control happen, to just get me out of here. I don’t want to be here, and I haven’t for about a year. All these people who die in accidents, who are murdered, who just DIE… and here I am. Nothing…
I’ve been cutting for almost 10 years… I’m 24 years old, with the same habits I had in high school… it was never a ‘I want […]
My big brother is one of my “newest friends” we never really got along but last fall it all changed. My mom knew i would always cut, then one day she told my brother about the marks on my arms(there pretty big, i like to burn the skin and cut it out) when my mom told me i didnt know what to think, i wrote a long note of how i would stay up at night to see him and make sure he got home safely, he always got in trouble with the […]
So You want to end your life? ♥ Read this (: If it doesnt change your perspective then email me and talk to me ♥(:
Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.†No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.†No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.†They will die. Their hearts will break. They will hurt, more than you […]
Im exhausted.. But I can’t sleep.. All I can do is think. I cant even talk about it because everyone I used to talk to thinks I’m finally better.. And I dont want to dissapoint them anymore. I feel alone. Â I dont know what to do.. I dont know what to think.. I dont know whaT to say. I just want to hold my guy.. But that isnt going to happen anytime soon.. I just want to cuddle him.. And love him.. But I cant. God.. Why was I even born?No readon at all.. The world would be exactly the same if I were never […]
Well ,
I have epilepsy (seizure disorder) I have them all the time at school and It’s embarrassing. I go home and cry myself to sleep most nights. I hate being alone because of the fact that I have to think of all the shit that’s going on in my life. I had a friend almost take her life back in December. She broke her family , I dont want this happening to me , but I  feel the urge  to do it. I need help but I’m terrified.  I truly Hate my life.
I just woke up a few minutes ago. I was just resting my head on my pillow when that feeling hit. Boom. How do I know I actually exist? Why do I feel like I’ve seriously been here before. It keeps nagging me in the back of my brain. It wake me up abruptly from a night of rest or just before. I hate how it does that. Stop bothering me with these thoughts. That and my memories. I understand they happened. I understand one day I will die. STOP REMINDING ME. That’s all my brain does it just reminds me like I don’t already […]
i used to hang on his every word …. he was there for me when i need someone to talk to..when i just needed to have fun and forget get out and leave reality behind even if it wasnt forever … he called me his girl and i thought he was the onky who did want to hurt me….but he did and when i asked why he said “it wasnt the riight words but i didnt care to fix it” that shattered me and that night i fell apart i locked my bedroom door and cried myself to sleep trasing the fresh cuts..
As someone who’s survived 3 serious attempts I wish to say that I have no intention of making it through number four. I’ve finally arrived at the conclusion that I’m statistically supposed to be dead by now and it’s not something which makes me feel better. I’ve seen so much pain on my short tour here on Earth. Humanity does little to stoke my optimism, in fact it does the opposite. I’m a vet, I’m mentally unstable, I’m single, I’m unemployed for the fourth year running and I’m almost homeless (I already was for 3 years.) A close friend who I met while being homeless committed suicide via alcohol and prescription […]
ok second good day in a row. XD lovin it. but there is always something to effect me.
highs: 1) bf is making huge effort in talkin to me and all the sweet things r back (lets c how long it lasts)
2) parents r acting a little nicer
3) sister isnt punching me as much
4) im able to sleep more
5) im mainly smiling til a flashback hits me but i do my best to deal with it
lows: 1) dad still causes arguement; but makes it shorter
2) mom is still a bit strict
3) sister wont leave me alone
4) my […]
A week or two ago I posted here as I was slowly getting overwhelmed with depression. I was ready 2 days ago with a solid plan, rope in my backpack and everything thought through, except for the poor tree that has to be stuck with my lifeless body swaying in the cold wind. But that was easy task to accomplish as there was many trees on my journey. Quite beautiful ones. It would have been a shameful sight for the tree if I would have went through with it.
My problem, which said before, was many and one big on that kept hitting my mind repeatedly […]
Well, yes it is me again… well, I had stopped cutting myself for the longest time and then recently I got really upset and… I did it again. Well on another note. I have been diagnosed as bipolar, and a severe case. It is very hard for me. I know lots of people get diagnosed but, I never thought it would be me. I have always known that it runs in my family, but i never thought it would be me since my dad doesn’t have it, and my mom didn’t have it. Well, it is late and I know i don’t sleep at all […]
I rarely go to sleep before 2 AM most nights. I usually just read, or write, or use my laptop until I get so exhausted I go straight to sleep when I let myself. I do this because otherwise, I lie awake in bed for hours and hours thinking dark, sad, terrifying thoughts and everything gets worse. And I can’t tell my parents that that’s the reason I’m always so exhausted in the mornings, because they tell me to just go to bed earlier, but they don’t get that the longer I lie in silence, the more time I have to think. And thinking too […]
Spent my Saturday night curled up in the foetal position, on a couch in the spare room, interrupted by the occasional self-inflicted punch in the head when it got too much. Sleep was elusive. What little sleep I did find was peppered with dreams, such as the one where a train was stopped at a railroad crossing and I decided to sit under the train and wait for it to move. Then, there was the one where I was back at school, only the HR Manager at my work was the Deputy Principal, and she said she was really worried about me. I had to […]