So for awhile now I’ve been trying to hold on, and I know what I need to do is call a suicide hotline, but today right after school I caught myself looking at pill bottles, freaking pill bottles to see if  a side effect was death.
I just don’t know anymore.
Their is this one girl who I like, and she likes me, and we tell everything to each other. She knows about my depression, self harm and suicide attempt and thoughts, but I don’t think I can ever tell her about today.
Feels like the only place I can freely talk about this stuff […]
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So
I sat there
The silent consuming.
Upon the arrival
of the death.
Music playing quietly
Blood dripping down.
The darkness overcomes
And I submit.
Silence filled rooms
No more pain.
Nothing will hurt
Just the darkness.
The black abyss
And lonely me.
I wanted love
I gave love.
Deals are sealed
Death is now.
Goodbye my love
Stay on Earth.
We shall meet
One more time.
Goodbye my dear
Au revoir love.
You’re the one
That I loved.
And I’m saying
Goodbye…
So i’ve started hurting myself again in my sneaky way
all pain
no lasting scars
But now it doesn’t seem like enough and I don’t know what to do
I want my emotions to go away so i don’t do anything drastic, but ugh it’s just so confusing
So i guess that was the rant  for today
Dearest Dear Friends and Family Hello Friends Dear Family
To Whom It May Concern:
Where do I start with this letter? Maybe I should start at the beginning… It’s a good place to start, I guess. For the past five months I have been sad, depressed, suicidal. For the past five months I have guided myself, comforted myself, and hurt myself. I have a friend. It’s a he. I know. Woah. Don’t go all protective on me though, because he has helped me through this journey and I hope he still does. For the past five months there have […]
So many questions
Not enough answers
So many wounds
Not enough bandages
So many tears
Not enough tissues
So many pieces
Not enough tape
So many scars
Not enough memories
So much sadness
Not enough happiness
So much hate
Not enough love
So much hurt
Not enough comfort
So much pain
Not enough pleasure
So much negativity
Not enough positivity
There’s a story of a little girl. She was kind and beautiful. And, happy. At least, she used to be. That was until middle school got to her. I remember the way her eyes lit up every single day. I remember how she spoke. Just one smile brightened everyone’s morning. She was fun. She was adventurous. She was confident.
There’s a story of a little girl. Who went home from school excited for tomorrow. She always did her homework the first chance she got. She was […]
So I just got this idea in English class that I could write a story thats 365 pages (they’re practically gonna be chapters) and each one is going to be journal entries for each day of the year. But on the very last day of the year, she is going to commit suicide and succeed. This book is going to turn out very well i hope. I might post it page by page on here. Maybe two pages/chapters a day, but that will only happen when I finish the entire book/story thing.
So the only reason that I didn’t cut is because of 3 things. My guy friend who I really like, my mom and because I lost the blades that I cut with. Each day I would go rummaging through my room to find the box that I keep my blades in, because I needed my fix of seeing that blood flow down my wrist, and because I needed to feel the pain. If you’re a cutter, you know what I’m talking about. I finally found them on Thursday last week and I was so happy. 3 weeks of not cutting was kinda hard.
I’ve been scared of adding more pain for so long. But I finally decided that I had to do something. So I tried cutting tonight. Â Omg! I’m not happy, but I’m so much better… I could control this pain. Â I can have something that I can control… I just idk…
i havent posted in about three years and its absolutely crazy how much has changed. i was a deeply depressed little girl but now im a mildy depressed teenager! great. Â Its weird how i can be the happiest ball of fucking light and next wanting to jump in front of a 16 wheeler. I have no friends that i have actual connections with. but hey not complaining cause i love being with myself. and another odd thing about myself which i still cant figure out is the fact that im vain as hell but loathe myself at the same damn time? I think im the […]
It’s been a week or 2 since I lasst posted, but I figured I would give you all an update. That is, if anyone cares.
So I went to the state tournament. And won, then lost, then won again. At this point, I was one match away from placing in my state tournament. Tough kid I had to take, but I was confident. Anyways, 3, 2, 1, wrestle! So we did, and I was winning for a time, then he got desperate, and I ended up losing.
After that, I cried for a bit. (I know I know, men don’t cry, but since I am […]
It seems as though I have been waiting so long for my life to end. I just manage to live through another day and then another night. It is my hope that each day will be the last. Each evening as I fall asleep I hope that I will not awaken.
So I’m trying to find another way to do this whole ‘not killing myself’ thing. I’m starting to put my poetry out there too, so if anyone wants to read it or comment in it, the link is http://hellopoetry.com/lookingforeuphoria/
er, thanks and don’t be scared to hate it.
So many people are busy
People that I rely on
People that I want love from
People that I want help from
People that I want comforting from
People that I want to talk to
So many people are busy
No time
No spare time
No extra time
No free time
No additional time
No more time
No time
All I want
Is love
Is to be cared for
Is for someone to be there for me
Is for someone to love me
Is for someone to truly sincerely want me
All I want
No one
Cares
Loves
Needs
Wants
Talks
No one
I want
A friend
A carer
Hi Guys,
Hi… Yeah so I know I said that these daily posts are going to be stopping, but then something changed my mind…. So I have decided I will do a weekly post. Either on Friday or Saturday….
How are you? Please comment down below… I do like to know… Thank you…
How am I? Physically: Sore Mentally: Exhausted
My physical state is just sore… I am completely exhausted… I didn’t get a lot of sleep this week… I had a lot of exhausting mental/physical break downs and about a panic attack a day… So go […]
These daily posts are officially stopping. I am now officially not doing the Day ___ things… It’s just causing more people to worry about me… So more people to hurt when I say my final goodbye… I don’t know how frequent I will post… So… Goodbye?
I am a b.tech student in united. I just don’t want to disrespect my father by all this my life. My family is expecting much from me. So, I want to die .
So I think about suicide. I have been thinking about it for years now.
My biggest problem is when someone lies to your face and tells you that its weird to think about suicide. To make a decision on if you do so or not is based on ideas, opinions, or thoughts about suicide.
So yes I do think about suicide everyday. Which isn’t entirely too bad of a thing. For one it led me to this site. To make a decision on not to kill oneself also requires some serious thought. Weighing different outcomes, and evaluating ones life is necessary.
I apologize if I am rambling, but […]
You’re the one that I love
And I’m saying goodbye
Alright guys… This might be my last post… Am I dying? Maybe. Am I going to kill myself? Maybe.
All you need to know is I am stopping with posting things. Why? Because. People are starting to worry about me. People are starting to care about me. That’s more people that will be hurt when I go. That’s more people that will be in pain when I leave. So… I guess this is a goodbye in it’s own way… I guess I shouldn’t say goodbye… More like. Talk to you soon….
A short version of Ben Roethlesberger “Never Quit” poem that helps me from time to time.
written by lifeishorrible
“Success Is failure turn upside down
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
And you can never tell how close you are
It may be near when It seems afar
So stick to the fight with you’re hardest hit
It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit”