I’ve never felt more alone than I do now. Some days, including this one, I think I’m bi-polar. I’ve never been officially diagnosed, but it wouldn’t amaze me if I was. I repel people more than I compel any form of welcome, probably because of the anger I constantly wear on my sleeves, or my lifeless stare that can become intimidating once I move my eye brows in the right, or perhaps, the wrong direction. These eyes of mine can look just as puzzled as anyone else pondering why I look so angry and full of disgust all the time. […]
Tag:
Solitude
This is my first entry on this site; so, instead of giving an elongated sob story about how much my life sucks and appears to be in the sh*tter, I figured I’d give it a different spin to, hopefully inspire those who feel they’ve hit rock bottom. However, I won’t do the complete opposite by telling people to suck it up and take it like a man because I feel everyone has trials and tribulations of varying degrees that I cannot entirely comprehend or judge. Ultimately, we’re all different, and the one thing people on this site have in common that I wholeheartedly […]
I’ve been glancing around — grasping blindly, I guess — looking for somewhere to vent, and it’s honestly made my sense of social distance worse. I suppose I shouldn’t say “worse,” since social distance isn’t necessarily a subjective feeling so much as an assessment of social place, but whatever.
It’s hard to feel connected to others going through depression and contemplating suicide, given what I’ve seen.
It’d be easier to explain where I am mentally. I’m tired. I’m tired of trying, and I’m tired of what I see. There are amazing wonders out there in the world and even hidden deep in people; I know […]
maybe if we work through this together we can be successful. loneliness is not bad, but maybe a day without solitude would be nice. we can end the day with each other, is that okay?^^
i hope you all understand what i mean with this post, i hope i’m not being too obscure, yeah?^^
Empty streets, forsaken buildings,
Numbing sleet, deficient shielding,
Foundations crumble,
Hollow grounds rumble,
Lonely and lost,
Pale, cold and humble,
A dull pain in his mind,
While his absent hands fumble.
Sitting alone in the midst of a broken city,
He deserves some care, some love and pity,
A fallacy – his sorry image might delude,
When observing this twisted being in solitude.
The failing architecture that surrounds him,
Tall and formerly grand,
Built with the ingenuity,
Of warmer hands.
Drops of sorrow fall on shattered road,
Unrestrained anguish, where rain once flowed.
The cooling liquid,
That runs from […]
i don’t know where to start. i’m 22 and to keep it perfectly honest i’m a beautiful, intelligent, upper class, white female. nobody thinks i have any problems… and if i do, they’re miniscule. it’s a lie. i’m living a lie. every cry for help that i make isn’t taken seriously because people can’t seem to fathom that someone who is so blessed could be so absolutely and incessantly depressed. i have been through every anti-depressant/bipolar medication, talked to countless psychiatrists/therapists/psychologists for the last 7 years… you name it, i’ve probably done it in hopes of pulling myself out of this never-ending rabbit hole that […]
I don’t want my esophougus to rupture. Painfully suffocating to death on my own sick, jesus.
I don’t want to be alone, I don’t want to think, I don’t want to feel, and so I eat, and sometimes I need to feel, to know I’m still alive even if it hurts, and so I eat. Then the shame of being such a fucked up, selfish, wasteful, ***** with no self-control opens up the endless black hole inside of me and I have to fill it (and empty it) again.
I don’t know if I can be helped, or even if I want it. I just know that I’m scared […]
Go away. I do not want you around. Let me alone. Stop asking what is wrong.
You cannot fix it. Nobody can fix it. No I do not want to see it a different way because it will still exist.
I do not want to deal with it at all. I never asked for it. I never wanted it.
All your suggestions have been tried. And I refuse to settle. Refuse to accept and deal with that which is not wanted.
No more risks. No more grasping at straws. No more extending a hand only to get it burned or bitten.
No more believing the lies. No more giving in […]
I’ve been writing too many of these lately…
A long and winding road
A winter lonely and cold
I near the end of this fateful trip
The solitude sucks me down
To depths below the underground
No hope of any rescuing ship
A ray of dawn breaks the dark horizon
Illuminating the shattered dreams
Through the purest light I can envision
A place devoid of broken memories
Shrouded in the sheltering darkness
Forgetting and becoming lifeless
Simply let go
Don’t mourn what you know
I leave on the wings of night
I leave you to fight
Never forget-
The sun must set
Take all my love
Carry it with […]
I’m finding myself hitting the bottom again…or shall I say bottoming out. That “special” time in life where you feel like you live in the gutter and the world spits on you in contempt as it gently walks by. The world cannot hate me any more than I already hate myself. I would just take my life, but there are so many people that would be hurt that death is not an option. So here I sit in my misery. Committed to a life of solitude. Making the decision that I’ll just start taking prescription drugs to blank out […]
Im putting this somewhere in cyberspace since no one in my life would bother to read it if I left it here and I want someone somewhere to know my story.
Ive been alone for so long now that I can barely remember what its like to have an actual conversation and the crushing solitude has crossed the threshold of the unbearable and any hope of rekindling any kind of social connection has long since faded so its time to hang it up (not literally though im way too much of a ***** to do it that way). […]
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