http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtaxKNaEAns
Even in the worst days, I would try my best not to think about suicide, but damn, maybe it’s just the shitty me or it’s just the universe that has some kind of beef with me for some reason. There’s always some fresh new shit that the universe, life, throws at me every single day. I am exhausted to the core of my soul, if there is any, or it might already be in hell, for all I know.
Being an adult you thought that maybe with age you will have courage, freedom and strength, but who knew, all you develop is […]
Anybody here believe in reincarnation or past lives or the zodiac? I know its more common these days to find others who believe in the same, but of course everyone has their own opinion on it.
Anyway, I believe I have had past lives & many times I have been told I am an old soul. One old friend once told me that the zodiac sign that you are born under, says how old your soul is & how many life lessons are still to be learned. Each life you live there is a lesson for your spirit to learn & once you learn that, […]
The sun will rise,
The sun will set.
But every day,
My love you’l get.
I feel you my babe,
For me you were you made.
And I for you,
You know that too.
We bond as one soul,
You make me whole.
It’s so hard. I know that suicide will hurt a lot of the people around me especially Tino. And Tino if you see this I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be another Alexis. I can’t take this depression and these thoughts anymore! Between the thoughts, depression, anxiety, my past, my present, my family, coming out to myself as gay, I can’t go on like this anymore! My wrists are scarred but covered by bracelets, my mind is killing me. My soul is already dead. I found out that not even people who are friends of my family would support me being gay. No one that […]
But planning is far from actually having the balls to kick the chair.
Swallowed some Xanax, snorted some Clonex, but I’m still restrained to this life, stuck between the living and the dead. The clock strikes three and the sky never seemed darker. It’s time. I am becoming. My soul turn black, my eyes hurt and I’m raped all over. It starts with the stomach, then it goes to the throat and eventually squeezing my skull until my ears are bleeding and my eyeballs hanging outside their place.
It doesn’t matter where I am. As long as I am in my soul, like a body, I’m me, and I’ve […]
This depression is SO painful. My mind hurts. My chest hurts. I can barely stop crying. I really need to leave this earth so badly. There are little glimmers of hope, like tiny shimmers of light, but they’re gone just as quickly as they appear. Other than that, I worry for my daughter, how selfish of me it would be to bring her into this rotten world and then abandon her here without even me. I worry for my family, they would most likely never get over the grief of losing me, even tho I’m nothing. A burden. Useless. A failure. Still, that’s the way […]
Yes, you are beautiful inside and out!!!! You captured my soul baby, and I love you!!! Angels exist!!!!! You are proof!! 🙂
Taken his souls into the night upon a hill lays a tree a young man hangs from dangling the angel of death has had his first kill freeing the young man from his hellish world now to do as he pleases free from the ones who say they don’t need him now free from a world of hurt free to heal the angel of death smiles taking his soul the angel of death has once again had his first kill where upon a hill lays a tree the young man hangs and bleeds wrists slit this is it finally free to escape misery and now […]
You cleansed my soul….
on my darkest nights
you showed me light….
you became my reason to fight
now your gone….
off living life on your own
without me….
without me….
without me….
without you there is no
me.
Sitting in the dark without you
I cannot see…
Through visions warped by God’s lament
I see the hell I can’t prevent
my angels died and heaven’s cracked
I made my choice and can’t go back
the road of ruin shatters the soul
but I walk this path because I swore
that nothing’s worth much more than pain
and the ecstasy within my veins
Maybe apart,
But you’re in my heart.
Far, far away,
Yet here to stay.
You complete my soul.
You make me whole.
This poem’s for you.
My soul mate so true.
I love you my dear.
I so wish you were here.
🙂
I watched the sun go down today
And I felt a surge of tears
With a sense of desolation
I was overwhelmed with fears
I saw my hope on the horizon
And I saw it fade away
With desperation I tried to believe
That there would be another day
And then suddenly I realized
That my hope was still there
It was just clouded over
With my feelings of despair
Then I began to wonder
Why am I still here
And in my own self doubt I saw
The creation of all my fear
In order to see the sun come up
I would have to search and find
Karma
As I sit under this empty tree,
I wonder how life could be so cruel to me.
I give my all to those around,
But karma doesn’t come back and surround.
There are no answers that I can see,
To ease this pain inside of me.
But it will end sooner than you know,
When all I have to do is let go.
I cannot wait for karma to return,
The love for my soul that I most yearn.
All I hope is you learm from this,
To take more care of those you might miss.
D.A
.
.
author- me 2013
I had many more poems, but sadly I lost the only copies when I couldn’t afford my storage shed […]
Happiness has long eluded me. I lost the sensation of warmth in my soul. I cannot feel anymore. I miss feeling worthy. I miss the gentle touch of another humans embrace.
The only time where I can remember being truly happy was during my deployment to Dubai. I got to meet soldiers from other countries, and I was away from Australia that holds a lot of painful memories. I found a picture in the ARA newspaper today and it brought a smile to my face – it had been taken early march when I did a speech for International Women’s Day. Major General Omar showed his […]
We bear the pain of living for years on end
To keep those we love happy
We stay alive and continue breathing within our misery
So our loved ones won’t suffer in our divine demise
Yet there will come a time
When this illness becomes too strong
So strong that the love we have for others
Is lost as the darkness consumes us
That is when we tell our loved ones
Just how much we love them one more time
Yet they can never understand suicide
They all assume we did it out of selfishness
What they don’t realise
Is that we survived life this long […]
I question my existence every waking minute. It doesn’t matter if I’m awake or asleep, I live within nightmares whether lucid or subconsciously. I have tried everything to change my mind but there is nothing left for me here. I fear myself to be a burden to those whom I love and in my demise I feel as though I would free them of their constant angst due to the worry they possess for me. The problem is; I don’t want to die! But I am not living. This is not living. I am merely respiring, merely going through the motions of being alive. Yet […]
“Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground.” – Exodus 3:5b
My life is one that has been ravaged. I portioned out the substance that I once had to the rats and cockroaches in the deepest gutters of my soul. I am left, a shell, an empty vessel, waiting — wanting — to be filled. I have called myself a Christian, and I have — shamefully — become no more than a stumbling block. I have sold myself to drugs, to alcohol, to sex, and to hate. I want nothing more than to slough off the impurities of my sin. I want […]
I am a whore. Or at least I used to be. I can’t forgive myself for my past. My wife has a past of her but she doesn’t give a shit. We are shameful people. We gave ourselves away and now there’s nothing left. I tried God. Called out to him many times but never heard anything in return. I’m not depressed or anything. I’m just tired of trying and failing. But I don’t even have the guts to kill myself so I just live as a tortured soul. I’m miserable. I need to get it over with.
“And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depths until the hour of separation.”-Khalil Gibran
Today has been a heart-wrenching day. I woke up knowing it was the 2 month mark of when my little brother took his life. It has been a devastating loss that has shattered my world. He is a part of my soul and always has been and I feel tremendous loss.
And then I received an email this morning from a dear friend known here as Iamzero, stating that he was sorry but that he could not go on any longer and wished me thanks and love. Love […]