Listening to certain pieces of music instantly triggers anxiety attacks, my mood worsens in just a few minutes and I get those thoughts that I would actually like to avoid. The pieces aren’t special or particularly high quality, it’s rather the fact that I listened to them for a period of time when I felt really bad and thus my brain associates it with these kind of emotions. I can actually trace some songs to the time and reason of feeling bad, which is kind of funny since I was listening to music to make me feel better and now it does the exact opposite. […]
Anyone else?
Like that many gods are currently walking the earth, with special powers bringing about miraculous change in the world.
You dear reader, may be one for all I know.
My life on this planet so far has sucked in a big way and I frequently want out, but I have committed myself instead to trying to create a new world from the ashes of the old.
I have seen many visions and dreamed many dreams. My ‘crazy’ reality is way realer than what this mundane existence would indicate.
I’m here because I want out of all of this shit every bit as much as any of you. But […]
I just looked around a bit more and I’m like “Holy shit, I just saw their suicide notes, I don’t know what to do, what if they go through with their plan? I didn’t speak up, I’m a little piece of shit.” So yeah. o-o I really hope none of you guys go through with your plans of ending life because ya know. *points to new route* There’s a whole new adventure waiting for you in a few years, months or even days.
Lul. I’m such a hypocrite. Telling people to keep holding on when I’m about to just end it all. >.> But hey. You […]
I want it to end, I want to feel relief. Its funny who one sweet word from that someone can make us feel alive again , and who easily they can take it from us. I can’t take my own life, even if I wanted it so bad.. I’m religious , I’m afraid from God.. from hell, but also.. I’m afraid to die before I have my first kiss, my first romantic hug, before I know how it feel to be the special person to someone else! […]
I just went on her tumblr page and i saw she got a tattoo of a flower and im pretty sure its a sunflower… is that to remind her of me? I mean that is who i am… If it is then thats fucked up because she dosent talk to me anymore but I do hope that I mean that mmuch to her that it is… but who am i kidding it probs isnt; its most likely just a flower and i’m no where on her mind. I dont know how I went from having such close friends to basically ZERO! I would love to […]
she told me to buy a notepad. a special one. i bought one that’s green because that’s my favorite color. then she told me to make a list of things that make me feel good, for times i can’t think straight and all i can think about is killing myself. i started writing.
listening to music.
reading a book.
writing.
smoking (cigarettes).
having sex.
taking the dog for a walk.
she told me to add new things every time i come up with ones. it does help sometimes. sometimes not. sometimes i’m so depressed i forget i have this notepad. it’s taking all of me.
anyway, thought […]
“The Suicide Project is a website devoted to allowing people to share their stories of desperation and depression… and ultimately of hope.”
I think in the light of recent events it is important not to forget what the purpose of this special website is. Regardless of how different the reasons for us to come here might be, what unites us is the suffering we experience and the desire to end it one way or another. No matter what part of the world you come from, what race or gender you are, what kind of sexuality you are living, what religion you might or might not belong […]
I actually came on here tonight for the first time in a week or so to make a post about some stuff that’s happened lately in my life… and now my head is just too overwhelmed by the utterly repulsive tragedy that’s taken place today/tonight involving a really awesome person.
So instead of crapping on about my own troubles, I’m just gonna leave this post here so we can all maybe give a thought to that special person today/tonight, because this is their day now and they deserve to be remembered.
Rest easy.
Have you ever felt like a tree whose branches can not stretch out? The other seeds that were born along with you grow up as humans and you are the only one who actually a tree. People ask your protection when the sun is hot, or simply ignoring you. I kinda assure myself from time to time that ‘Well! It’s finally normal now, but then you see things become worse again and you feel you’re suck again and sick of it.’ It is more or less like an eternal death or a time paradox. There are blind people, homeless ppl, deaf ppl, and I have this […]
I don’t want to be reminded how undeniably identical we all are. The irony is that I want to be different, a never-before-seen version of the human mind. And this equates to one great big cliché, great. I’m a cliché.
As a child I was led to believe that my future would be full of wonder and adventure and discovery. But I was not born in a fairy tale, I was born into this life consisting of education, work, retirement and death.
I don’t want to simply blend into the blur of human existence. My goal is not to change the world nor is it to stand out from the crowd. What I […]
Hello readers/posters:
I am new to this board. Honestly, I never knew such a place existed (I guess I am less imaginative than I once thought). I found you by doing searched for methodology in suicide, which I will not share here per the guidelines and strictures of this site.
Short story of why:
I lost the joy and love of my life recently. No, not due to death. Worse. She found someone else and walked out. I was caught wholly unaware. The rage and sorrow and loss are too much.
I am not a successful man. I have a low-end job at a local donut shop. Hardly where […]
i found this site when i was in grade 7. i’m going into grade 10 now. in the span of three years so much has changed. when I was younger i didn’t understand why some users posted the things they did, but i gradually began to deeply sympathize with their emotions of anguish and sorrow.
i’ve been visiting here more frequently as of late, and it feels like more and more people are joining. is that a good thing? maybe it’s just me
this place is special. i often wonder about everyone that’s come and gone. what was their story? where did they go? the fact […]
It’s beautiful in such a twisted and haunting way, how there are so many people around the world right now; so many sad people… who are all thinking at the same time, and for their own reasons, “I want to die”. And they’re all so alone. And just a tiny handful of them, out of a sea of people, travel to this website. I wish I could hug one of you. That would be something really special.
I hope everyone makes it through tonight/today and smiles at least once.
Is it weird that I want to die? I don’t really know if it is. For about a year I’ve been debating my life. Do you want to die or do you not? I do want to die. I want to die because I am socially awkward. I want to die because I have no future. I want to die because then the pain would be over. But I don’t want to die because then the pain would be over. Is it weird that I enjoy crying every night, that I enjoy my heart aching every second, that I want to die. I am full […]
Let me ask you a question. Do we like being miserable? I am writing a post on a suicide website. How does that strike the average individual? Obviously there is no such thing as an average individual. Members of this simulacrum of grief, of this meeting place of agony, come from very diverse and varied backgrounds. Some may get help and move on. I’m willing to bet a small percent have actually killed themselves. But why does any of this matter? Well nothing matters. You have seen a person on their last day. What does a person on their last day look like? Usually unremarkable. […]
I’m feeling really defective right now.
I went to a special “designer” research hospital in New York last month. Today, the super bill came with the diagnosis codes. I haven’t received their final report yet, but one of the diagnoses has sort of kicked me in the gut and I don’t feel like I can talk with any family member about it lest they throw it in my face.
It has to do with cognitive impairment which can arise from head trauma or prolonged medical treatments. Full recovery is rare. I guess you’d have to see what I have trouble with now, compared […]
Hello, my name is Chelsea.. I’m 12. My whole life I have been told I have a gift. That i was special and smart and the total opposite of average. It doesn’t matter anymore, i havent made an impact yet and other kids younger than me already have. Everything hs gone downhill since my parents divorced when I was 3. I’ve lived with my mom in a cheap apartment until a drunk driver + an 18-wheeler totaled our car in an accident. I turned 10, My mom quit her job to care for me, since she couldn’t drive to her job. We finally moved into […]
I’m a basic white girl who cuts herself. Or rather, I did. Ever since I got put on zoloft in January after my parents found out I sh’d, my life has steadily improved and I have strengthened my relationships with friends and even my family. I no longer wallow in my own sadness or make suicide plans.
I miss it. I miss being depressed so much. I don’t know why; I never got any special attention while I was down in the dumps and I barely had any friends. I consider myself happiest when I’m unhappy. It’s stupid and ridiculous and feels selfish. But I just […]
Today I had to see the doctor. He upped my medication. I went about my errands ignoring the everyday,past and future stresses that plague my mind, constant racing to be on work on time, get paid this week, please my loved one and not crash and burn. The bustle on the other hand gives my life substance but I feel a balance will fall askew. My job in sales gives me a certain social interaction I have craved in my life but it has also shown me the harsh truth about human kind and their mindset. People and their brains are easily manipulated and like […]
I am 15 and unfortunately a depressed and frustrated girl. I never had a normal life. I had all kinds of bitter experiences uptil now. My life lacks one thing the most ‘LOVE’ …I wish someone special would be there in my life who would magically fix everything up and would love and care for me so much that i wont feel depressed anymore.