Let me ask a stupid question again. So I am taking part in this research study on how sports activity affects depressed people. We are 5 participants and 4 jogging instructors, but it was only the first meeting, so apparently more people will join in later. Anyways, some of you may know I am shy. And I was running next to a girl for the first 10 minutes and we said nothing, it was really awkward. Eventually she just jogged past me and started talking to another girl and I ended up talking to another computer science student about technical stuff. It really bothers me […]
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The code of blue and the iron code. The word Mankind.
Devoured by the fire and the monster.
The monster, that is you.
An organism dying spawn, I am, of your vein. You have no name.
You are less than a man, equal less than zero.
The world equals oblivion. In my heart of jewel evolution.
Hades, is our God of the World. Grey falling Hades.
Here in the belly, I’ve turned into a beast.
A beast of hell, a monstrous chain. I am here to conquer the world.
To destroy Lucifer behind my acidic breath.
Man. The world. A part of me that’s dying.
I’m weak. I’m so very very weak and scared and just… useless.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m too mch of a coward for anything and I’m just stuck unable to move either forward or back.
My self esteem right now is at a point where I can’t see any road that wouldn’t lead to failure. I can’t do anything, I have no more strength to persevere. I’ve tried and tried and tried and all I am is a failure and I can’t pretend I’m strong and can’t force myself to be optimistic anymore.
I’ve always run away from anything hard by burying myself in books […]
Hi,
I haven’t posted in a long time. Although I have felt suicidal the hole time I have been waiting for “the right time” . I chose June 11th the day before my Birthday. the only problem w/ that is I really want to do It this weekend. I Â am not getting any better. I’ve been doing everything I’m supposed to do. But I feel like I don’t belong. My own brother is trying to bring me down and making me feel like i’m not doing the right thing, even tho I have been sober for 8 months and following the program of the group home […]
Um hi I’m 14 and for the past three years I have had severe anxiety that has gotten gradually worse. It got horrible the second year, my seventh grade year, and I missed half the school year(but I still got As&Bs haha). When the level of my anxiety increases I have really bad panic attacks, I am nonstop sobbing, uncontrollably screaming, I get severe stomach aches, headaches, nausea, I vomit(alot), I start hyperventilating, shaking, twitching, I sometimes loose feeling in my hands/feet, my period cramps get worse, and the list goes on. My mom used to yell “you’re doing this to yourself”&”its all in your head”&”shut up […]
Okay. So I haven’t wrote here in a year…I guess I thought things were getting slightly better…they’re not. Life sucks. Now I’m 20. In college…and I just want to drop out soo bad, but at the same time, I really want to be a nurse so I have to keep going right? I feel like such a failure. Because, I might not graduate on time, and I feel as if all my friends are graduating and going to get nice jobs and start their life. And then there’ me who is still struggling to even get up in the morning. I still hate the way […]
Would you rather have a second chance in life like reincarnation after death or is the idea of there being nothing else after death more preferable? I personally am living a life of regrets so getting an opportunity to start again in another life is a comforting thought in some ways, like a clean slate. On the other hand however, there’s no way of knowing what circumstances you’ll be born into, it might be worse than the first life.
After almost a year on medication, I have slipped back into depression. I have gone back to everything I used to be and now I am plagued with the same deafening negative thoughts that haunt my every waking minute. I want someone to talk to, someone anonymous that will let me talk about my issues without ignoring me or even becoming too concerned, or frightened…
If there is anyone on here that wants this from someone as well (and preferably lives in Australia so we can text) I will happily be that person for you, if you are willing to be that person for me.
Reply to […]
I do not know why it is that I deteriorated so quickly. It just happened. It’s just happening. Taking it day by day was supposed to help, and for a brief while there, I went without thinking about ending life. By brief while, I mean one day. That’s a start. I do not know whether or not it will be enough to save me. I keep going to back to what the real solution is, but for some reason I refuse to oblige. I refuse to save myself, and it is honestly incredibly stupid. I do not know why I do not want myself to […]
It’s terrible when you’re walking down the street, or simply talking to someone, and suddenly you can feel like you can’t hold back your tears anymore. You start crying and you don’t know why. Everybody stares and asks what’s wrong and you can’t answer their question. There’s nothing wrong, nothing bad is happening and you have everything anyone could ever ask for. And yet you don’t feel happy.
Positive attitude, hope, doing things, man of action…etc all these are boring and it is for looser.
Just experience nihilism, existentialism, Efilism, Antinatalism  these are all so interesting we fell in love with them and ready to give our life for these.
First case is for mentally underdeveloped people.
Therefore start asking yourself questions  ” what is the purpose of human life, is there any meaning at all?, does the all struggle we undergo- is it worth at all? “
I feel like I’m constantly lying to prevent anyone knowing how I really feel. I feel like a failure and don’t know how to start again. I wish I used my past opportunities better, but this horrible depression feels so debilitating that I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. No one knows I want to kill myself. Suicide, Â it’s always in the back of my mind like a comfort, that if things get worse I can always get out of this life. My life has become that trivial to me now, that the thought of dying is a comfort.
You know, it seriously takes alot time and courage for someone who’s really shy and and the loner type to actually post anything. Alot of times I just press cancle on a full page post, so feedback would be nice. Also a comment to other posts that have no replies wouldn’t hurt either.
This is my first post, so let me start off by saying, yes I am quite uh ‘suicidal’ and I have no idea what I’m doing here, or why I’m posting my personal thoughts here. I’ll post a bit about myself later because noone wants to read another 100 paragraphs of another […]
I feel like I need to tie up any loose ends just in case…you know? I want to be “prepared” as possible if/when I decide to pass on. Â Just to make things easier on people. I don’t know. It’s weird. I’m not saying goodbye yet. I want to try to start distancing myself so the damage is lessened.
Existential depression is deadly. Once you start thinking about it there’s No Getting Out. If you figure it out how to come out of it you are a hypocrite.
If you are in that situation what is the right time for suicide?
what the fuck? chemicals affect behavior? no fucking way, the data is wrong, the scientists are stupid. look, here is the truth: what do BABIES do? fucking nothing. then when they hurt, they start crying screaming hellfire torture. they don’t DO anything, except scream when they hurt. babies KNOW the TRUTH. everything you do is LEARNED, it is sensed through PERCEPTION. a blind baby cannot see, so they CANNOT perceive things through eyes, so functionally sight is a LIE to them. they are TOLD that others can see, they have NO WAY of knowing except for your words to them. everything is LEARNED, everything is […]
I’m new to SP and I have no idea where to start. I’ve done so many stupid things in the past. I read posts and I relate to almost all of them. I feel as if I understand you and I know you. I am always depressed, I have no idea what goes on my life anymore. I can’t find joy in the things I once loved to do. All I do is think about how useless I am, how depressed I am all the time, how my parents tell me crap all the time, I have no friends at all, seriously, and my boyfriend […]
Sometimes I wish I was a robot. I mean, damn it’s like my body is PMSing non stop. One minute I’m alright and then the next I want to kill everyone in the house and then myself.
Just shoo anxiety, shoo depression. Scat, get away! Before I get the rolled up newspaper and start beating my head with it. Like a fly on the wall.
Screw meds, we need a new form of flyswatters….. mentalissueswatters
I have competed come off all my medications. Wellbutrin, cipralex and seroquil. I was monitored by my dr as I need to know if I am feeling is way because it who I ultimately am or if the medications had any negative effects. I believe that medications awe necessary for extreme circumstance but let me tell you the withdrawals from these meds that are supposedly meant to help are hell. It took over a month to even start to feel a tad normal. I was shaky, dizzy, nauseous, I couldn’t control my body temp, I’d sweat one minute freeze the next. I had insomnia and […]
back to my homeplace and I do not the feelings I should. I am not excited or even remotely happy about it. I am frightened. I have the usual, “common”, yet unrealistic anxiety about the actual flight itself. Its the other things I am worried about too. About running out of medication, about having an anxiety attack, about not being able to sleep, about having alcohol, about losing my mind by not having routine, not doing enjoyable activities, having to lie about who I am because my family won’t accept me. I took the vacation in the first place because I needed to escape my […]