I do not know why it is that I deteriorated so quickly. It just happened. It’s just happening. Taking it day by day was supposed to help, and for a brief while there, I went without thinking about ending life. By brief while, I mean one day. That’s a start. I do not know whether or not it will be enough to save me. I keep going to back to what the real solution is, but for some reason I refuse to oblige. I refuse to save myself, and it is honestly incredibly stupid. I do not know why I do not want myself to get better, or why I am letting myself sink deeper and deeper into my sorrows and misery.
What I do know, in this sea of unknown, in this terrible extended metaphor, is that I am sinking. Things are not improving, happiness is just as distant as it was before, if not worse.
I do not know. I have never been one for oceans. They are intimidating and vast.
Then comes the question of whether or not there is a solution. I think there is. I just need to act on it.
1 comment
There is a reason why you refuse. You’ll have to work and find it.