About 5 years ago I attempted suicide, to this day I now suffer from PTSD resulting in never ending anxiety… it never stops or leaves me alone. That being said, suffering from body image and depression has always been a struggle for me, recently this summer I started cutting myself and now it seems to be the only thing that keeps me sane these days. Weird. I know. But it’s something about the pain that reminds me i’m alive and still here, it’s like a horrible reassurance that I need to remind myself everyone now and then.
Tag:
Suffering
Lately I’ve been thinking about suicide a lot and it is really starting to scare me. Today at work i almost climbed over the rail of the stairs to jump. I’ve almost taken too many meds, and I’ve been researching how much medication it would take to kill me. I started self harming about 2 months ago and I can’t stop, and it’s getting worse. I’m cutting deeper and longer, and I crave the blood.
The last couple of days I’ve been feeling really strange. I feel sad, but not sad. It’s almost an empty feeling but I can feel something in my stomach. It’s like […]
Hi, i don’t really know why i am writing this, or what i hope will come of this. I just don’t have anyone i can talk to right now and i feel like i have to write this down before i completely lose myself. English is not my native tongue, so i apologize in advance for any mistakes.
I am 30 years old. For half my life i have dealt with depression. 12 years ago i have slit my wrists in an attempt to commit suicide. I only failed, because my mother found me in the bathtub, covered in blood, bleeding to death. I will never […]
I feel alone. All the time. It’s the worst feeling in the world. I can be in a crowded place with lots of people and still feel all alone. Sometimes I wonder whether or not it would be worth it to just kill myself and spare everyone around me from the misery I feel. I am very good at keeping it to myself, but sometimes, I slip. And when I slip, people decide they hate me and walk out of my life. That in itself is a horrible thing to have to go through. Just yesterday, one of my best friends decided I wasn’t worth […]
Help me.
I need to get this off my chest.
I think of suicide.
I’m not old but not young and I work as a suicide/crisis counselor. I deal each and every day with people who are hurting, alone and pain-ridden. People who need. And all of them want help. Want peace. Want someone to tell them they will be okay. That the day gets brighter. Just like me. I see as many as 18 separate people a day. I see snapshots of people’s worlds and realities. Of short comings, of emotional issues, of pain they’ve caused themselves or others have caused them. When you speak to someone […]
Throughout my life I have been hated,
despite my efforts of approval of others.
Pushing myself beyond my limitations,
it was never enough, not even for my parents.
Abused, and bullied, I was never loved nor needed.
Rented to mental hospitals,
only to be tortured and experimented on.
No memories of happiness are inside my head,
only frequent reminders of hate.
No friends or moments of joy nor compassion.
Nothing to live for, no hope, no dreams, no desires.
I have nothing in my wake and even in my sleep,
the nightmares are there to hurt me more.
I end my life on this promising […]
All my life, since i was 6, my father mentally and physically abused me. It never really hit me till 2 years ago. I went in deep depression and i just shut down. I attempted to commit suicide twice, but i never really could do it. I guess i was scared to leave, or maybe i just didn’t have the guts. So i turned to cutting. This year has been the worst for me. Everyone that has said they were going to stay, left. So i have just shut everyone out. I don’t have many friends because i shut them up before they have a […]
I have tried endlessly,
failing constantly.
I am a disappointment to my family,
a terrible failure.
No matter how hard I try,
it’s never enough.
I punish myself constantly pushing further,
and still not approved.
I have endured a great deal of suffering,
to please my family,
and still not enough.
Having been burned, bruised, and strictly damaged,
all in the name of making them happy.
But, it is never enough for those fiends.
They take whatever they can out of me,
drain me till I am weakened and broken.
Just to destroy me more,
They have no heart towards me.
Caring not of what […]
Dysfunctional in modern society, I do not belong anywhere.
Darkness has consumed my outlook on life,
and I cannot see any hope.
Despair has taken a liking to me, causing pain inside my being.
The suffering tortures me as it flows in my veins,
damaging every molecule and fiber of my existence.
Twitches are the result,
along with violent tremors,
all of which are noticeable.
Names are called upon me,
strong and power they pierce my feelings.
Making my emotions bleed in the shadows of torture.
Endlessly I hope for an end, but no one stops.
Like walking on pins and needles,
there is no […]
I’m sick of feeling nothing but pain… Tired of feeling the pain flow inside my head, echoing voices of a constant repeat of words of sharpened steel that have pierced my heart.
I am unwanted in this world, I am hated by many, and have no purpose in this life… I need to be erased, for I am… nothing more than a mistake!
Chased down like a deer during hunting season,
I’ve outran them before.
Having moved to a new town,
to start a new life,
quickly shifted back to the old ways.
With the same rules,
and new means of being bullied.
Their words pierce, stab and cut me.
Battered and bruised my mind is,
thanks to the poison they’ve struck my soul with.
The void in my soul buries deeper each day,
even though I am older now.
I learned to adapt to the pain but, it still hurts me.
Their words return constantly,
reminding me of how worthless I am.
Suicide attempts were an outlet,
I tried being perfect for everyone but, always fell short, nothing I did was ever enough, even when I’d drive myself beyond insanity trying to be perfect, it just was never enough. I started realizing that no one will ever love me thanks to my mom having had abandoned me to face my overly abusive father alone, unwanted, and always getting used as a punching bag, I hated myself more and more because, I believed that my suffering was punishment from god, for things I have done and will do. And after years of my father beating into my skull that it was my fault […]
whats the quickest least painful way to commit suicide, im only thirteen but ive had enough.
i just need a simple answer and no trying to talk me out of it.
Some people say that the reason I suffer from depression is because I suffer from an inability to see myself for who I really am. In some ways, I think they’re right; I do have a tendency to not see myself clearly. Although, to be honest with you, in some ways they are absolutely wrong. I started out life with a bright hope. Unfortunately though, early on in my life, I was hurt very badly by parents who made a willing and conscious choice to love themselves more than they loved me. This has permanently scarred me. I have walked through the last 17-odd years of […]
I’m having trouble expressing how sad I am because everything I’m saying here sounds like the cynical ramblings of a naive teenager, but I’ve had increasingly obsessive thoughts about how everyone ages and dies and gets sick and I have to let some of it out or I’m going to rip my hair out.
I don’t think you truly understand this until you get to a certain age, when you realize there really is no escape from this condition for everyone you’ve ever known; everyone’s getting unceremoniously assigned a horrible fate of slow decay and suffering.
I don’t care about my own life anymore but there have […]
I’m knew here and hope to be welcomed into the community. I am very weird and cooky and clumbsy 15 year old girl. I hope I can make some friends from this site that understand what I’m going through a little. I self harm and have attempted suicide 4 times. I don’t quite understand most of this site, but yeah.
Love is a lie. It’s just misery, suffering, and pain covered up by so called “trust”, but when someone you love abuses your trust, the pain is revealed. The chemicals that make you feel warm around someone only trick you. Nobody can be trusted. Trust isn’t real, there is no certainty. It’s all lies and betrayal, and it only leaves you lonely and scarred.
I know there are endless threads on this topic but I can’t seem to find a consistent answer. Does anyone know of a painless way to commit suicide (either from research or from a painless past overdose)? I do not know if I will get a response and if I do receive one I am not looking for some form of moral support. I understand that there is much to take out of life and that, as the 15 year old I am, I have not yet experienced many of the joys life has to offer, but I have suffered for too long. Medications and […]
When I observe sites such as these, I can’t help but feel the pain worsen.
The pain consumes me on a daily basis. It controls my every move and creates ache throughout my empty frame. This hell to which I am trapped has become so familiar. And the bright future talked of every day, makes no sense to my clouded mind. I am most thankful of the smiles I fake throughout the day, misleading everyone who glances upon my face. This terrible reality to which I face is the most unbearable thing imaginable.
So when I am confronted with sites like […]
Life is shit. We all know it. And painful. I don’t recommend killing yourself because it messes up anyone close to you. My wife killed herself nearly 3 years ago and I am still dealing with the trauma. What I recommend is not having children.
The cathars of 10th 11th and 12th century languedoc believed that conception was the greatest of all sins. I agree. If life is shit we should refuse to replicate ourselves.
The best way to give life the proverbial finger, is to see it through to its bitter natural end, and all the while refuse to give it what it really wants from […]