Ive been suffering from depression and suicidal ideation for roughly two years now, though I can remember my first time saying I want to die was in the 3rd grade. Two years ago I lost what I had believed as to be everything I had wanted. A house, nice car, a fiancee, I was happy and full of confidence.
Unfortunately I had the pleasure of losing all of that Plus more within 6 months time. Fiancee crashed my car, insurance wouldn’t pay for it, fiancee broke up with me, realized she had been cheating, kicked me out, and stopped paying the mortgage. House is in […]
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suicidal ideation
I have had suicidal ideation since I was 9 or 10. I believe it is largely due to being raised by two people who pretty much daily let me know that I was unwanted and a tremendous burden. I hesitate to suck on a helium tank because I’m told that it would irreparably harm my 13 year-old daughter. I am 50 years old and cannot grasp that I matter that much, never having meant anything to my parents except to be their emotional punching bag. Sometimes my empathy is crippling, but on this point I just don’t get it.
By C. Stark
Real World Issue: Bullycide Collapse Psychological Perspectives on Real-World Issues
Describing the issue chosen for this discussion is bullycide. Bullycide has become an epidemic in our society, where a child is victimized, hazed, threatened, and/or humiliated by another child for their amusement, jealousy, anger, or not liking the victim (Hinduja & Patchin, 2010). Bullying involves direct and indirect aggressive behavior that contributes to physical and verbal violence. Some researchers have hypothesized bullies have previously been victims themselves; hence, they suffer from psychological and psychosomatic issues escorting suicidal factors (Van der Wal, deWit, & Hirasing, 2003). Bullies cause depression and depression is the number on […]
This is the Easter Season (50 days of Easter….it doesn’t begin and end on Easter Sunday).
I’ve been a Christian all of my life. And I am here to tell you that NO act of suicide is cowardice….it takes a strong person to overcome the natural instinct for self preservation and move on to the next life.
I’m 59 years old and I do NOT, for ONE SECOND, buy into the fundamentalist concept of hell. I was raised Southern Baptist and by the grace of God found the Episcopal Church in my early 40’s…after decades of self hate inflicted on me by the SBC. I didn’t develop suicidal ideation […]
I’m 49 years old and have had suicidal ideation since I was about 9. I’ve had a lifetime of therapy, over 23 years of 12-step meetings, and almost 20 years of anti-depressants. I have many friends, I’m a licensed attorney, and I have the most charming house. Most important of all, I have the most awesome kid. When I read that I should not commit suicide because “things will get better,” I assure you, in many respects things couldn’t get any better. However, the effects of child abuse are incurable and life-long and after being alive for almost half a century, I am confident that things, fundamentally, […]
So yesterday the only friend I had in the world left me. He told me I was a bad person… that I was too fucked uo for him to stick around. How my apathy and suicidal ideation made it bad for him to be around me. And as much as I begged him to stay, and as much as I pleaded, there was no changing his mind.
So I came home. Bought some alcohol, bought out the pain killers. Swallowed 50. Took a blade to my wrist and carved my skin off. Then took a rope and tried to hang myself.
Yet I am […]
I read about how suicidal urges and depression don’t have to coincide, and how just getting it all out to someone verbally is cathartic enough to sort of treat suicidal people. I’d like an outlet like that to exist online where it doesn’t feel like screaming into miles of empty cyberspace. Is this is what we’ve been looking for?
I’m a student dealing with similar stuff to everyone else in university. I lead a very privileged life and have a very loving, protective mother (who happens to be the chief force perpetuating my existence, mostly out of internalized guilt.) I’ve struggled with eating disorders and disordered […]
I was physically abused by my brother until I was 16 and left home. I admitted it to my parents, with whom I have always been very close with 3 years ago.
They claim to believe me. The claim to back me up. But after my last suicide attempt, after 3 days in 4 points in the ICU, when sent to the psych ward..they promised me certain things.
You see I uprooted my entire life on the West Coast to move back to the Midwest and help care for my sick father. He’s very young, only 65. But has a host of degenerative diseases. I went from […]
Whenever I imagine ways to commit suicide, I cannot help but to imagine even more ways of something going wrong. When I imagine screwing up and placing myself in an even worse nightmare, such a terrible feeling wells up within me and I become afraid of attempting suicide. I feel so trapped because of this, and because I believe at some point in my life it really is going to be the humane thing for me to do, and I don’t think I can get anyone to do it for me. I feel like I want to convince a physician to please euthanize me, but I know they won’t do it.
So, my story continues. Â I’ve got spinal problems causing chronic pain which I have lived with for years, but there’s no cure. Â Just strong strong painkillers. Â I’ve got mental health ‘issues’, to put it nicely. Â I have been diagnosed with clinical depression, to treatment-resistant depression, OCD and PTSD. Â Borderline personality disorder tendancies, with obsessional-compulsive personality disorder. Â My current diagnonsense is Bipolar II with complex PTSD, chronic pain and chronic suicidal ideation.
Recently though, this chronic level of suicidal thinking has escalated into something much deeper and darker. Â I am back to believing that things definitively cannot get better; I cannot get better as I am so […]
So glad to have discovered this site.
I think about dying all the time & when I hear that someone has died, or has a terminal illness, I am so jealous. I know this is wrong but I can’t help it. Passive suicidal ideation.
I have made so many mistakes in life, probably due to depression. I so desperately want to turn back the hands of time but know I can’t. It tears me up most of the day, everyday.
I want to go but can’t do it to my family. Then, I think of how I can plan an “accident” but don’t want any chance of survival.
Anyway, […]
the Suicide
Death dwells in the shadow just at your shoulder. You invited it in, you dined with it, you bathed with it, you lay with death.
Consumed by and consuming, death becomes both a path and a destination for you.
You write a final letter, a final note, and gulp down a bottle of pills, hoping it will all be over soon…
And then…
You wait…
But not long for as you soon take you final step…
You call for help.
But wait, this makes no sense?
Why would you wish for death, plan for death, and attempt to kill yourself only to give up and try to save yourself in […]
http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/bering-in-mind/2010/10/20/being-suicidal-what-it-feels-like-to-want-to-kill-yourself/
It’s really goddamn familiar, huh? I guess we could all stand to stop creating or internalizing unrealistic standards for ourselves and our lives… Which is harder than it sounds, for me anyway.
One more thing I stumbled on recently that I thought was interesting: antinatalism, the belief that life should not be brought into existence. They say they don’t approve of suicide, but I see a connection. Regardless–hear, hear!
By the way, I’m so fickle about life… I am back to suicidal ideation again because two leads I had for jobs no longer seem as promising. Having a liberal arts degree in this economy is such a […]
Are you ready to die because of something/ things that have happened to you or do you have S.I ; suicidal ideation.
“Suicidal behavior exists along a continuum from thinking about ending one’s life (“suicidal ideation”), to developing a plan, to non-fatal suicidal behavior (“suicide attempt”), to ending one’s life (“suicide”).” Where do you sit on the continuum. Thinking about it, attempting without a plan. Seriously planning, assessing consequences and possibilities, or ….. what?
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