I have this friend, who I will call L for privacy reasons, that really looks up to me for whatever reason. I’m a senior, and she’s a freshman, so I guess that might be why, but she said something today that really struck a chord in me. I go to a vocational-technical school, I’m in Baking and she’s in Drama. Whenever she performs she dedicates her performance to someone she cares about. Not some friend that lets her borrow their homework, no. Someone she truly cares for. Performing for someone, even if the person isn’t there, helps her do better and motivates her to try […]
Tag:
Suicidal Thoughts
God is boring . boring God . why human’s imagination & fantasy is better than God boring reality ? why God is boring ?
by niki
written by niki
God is boring . boring God .
why human’s imagination & fantasy is better than God boring reality ?
why God is boring ?
I hate this world . I hate this life . I hate life .
This world is so boring , boring world !
This life is so boring , boring life ! life is boring .
Why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than this world / better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, […]
Most of the time I just feel like I’m fading away. Like I’m just a ghost of who I once was. Like I’m ashes instead of fire.
I just feel so hollow and empty, and there’s nothing to fill the void. God, I used to be so passionate and full of life. Now I’m just a dumb kid with big dreams. Hopeless dreams, bigger than life itself. And knowing I’m not going to achieve any of them used to hurt me, but now it’s more of a dull ache.
The worst part is that nobody even sees it. I’m so fucking good at lying that nobody questions […]
I went back to school today and regretted it immediately upon entering the building. My head hurt, I was nauseous, and I was beyond tired. Within the first hour of school, I could feel myself slipping. I had to go to the bathroom during baking to get myself together and not break down in tears. The worst part is, I don’t even know why I was so upset.
I had my sociology exam, I probably did fine, but it felt like I wasn’t comprehending the questions, my eyes were just reading the words.
In creative writing, my teacher asked if anyone had not started their short story yet. […]
I stayed home from school again today, that makes 18 missed days for the year. I don’t think I’m allowed to miss any more or else the school will take us to court. I’ll probably still miss more anyway.
I have exams for my college courses this week, and I honestly could not possibly care less about my grades. I’m not going to college, anyway. I probably won’t even make it to my high school graduation.
Since the beginning of the semester, I’ve known about my final for my creative writing class. It’s a short story that has to be a minimum of 25 pages, double-spaced. This […]
This world is boring , boring world . why movies, games, anime/manga, fantasy / imagination is better than this world / better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
by niki
written by niki
I hate this world .
This world is so boring , boring world !
Why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than this world / better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, eat, then sleep, then repeat again.
but movie / game / anime / manga / comics / books are much more exciting & interesting than this boring life !
for example: like in the world / universe of Harry Potter, Avatar, Lord of the Rings, […]
This isn’t exactly a story about an attempted suicide or a failed suicide attempt. I have not experiences none of them but I’m in current fear that I might e sharing my own story of a failed attempt soon – or not.
I have never been diagnosed with depression but I started to self harm 2 years ago. I stopped last year because I told my family (a stupid mistake if I have to be honest) but sine November, I began to feel a bit bad and sad and yeah. By January, I had written that I was suicidal and that I hated life.
I mean, I […]
I am a seventeen year old in my third year of high school. I go to a therapeutic high school, but my attendance is pretty erratic due to my depression, anxiety, mood disorder NOS, insomnia, and sensory issues. I fit the tortured poet cliche. I am recognized for my poetry regionally, which I cherish because it seems to be my only accomplishment in life. I am quite useless in every other endeavor (though I do have a talent for making up decent drinking songs).
I have been struggling with mental illness since the age of ten, though I was only diagnosed when I was twelve. Since […]
I’m writing this because I’m thinking of doing something bad. I’ve tried to commit twice before, obviously they both failed. Tonight everything has gone downhill. I have no one to talk to or no where to turn. Everyone has turned against me even though I’ve done nothing wrong. I just wish I could merge with the ground and disappear. It would make so many people happier. I’m a failure that can’t do anything right and I wish I could be a better person. I’m just a lost cause. I’m crying into my laptop right now and I’m confused as hell. Why does everything and everyone […]
Life is boring , boring life. why movies, games, anime/manga, & fantasy/imagination is better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
by niki
written by niki
life is boring , boring life. why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, eat, then sleep, then repeat again.
but movie / game / anime / manga / comics / books are much more exciting & interesting than this boring life !
for example: like in the world / universe of Harry Potter, Avatar, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Marvel / Marvels, Avengers, X-Men, Divergent / Insurgent , Star Wars, The […]
I’ve been depressed for quite a while now and I’ve been fighting it for far too long. Hurting myself is not helping anymore and I’m just getting worse. I just need someone to tell me the best way to ensure death. Please this is not a cry for help, I’m just really too tired to live.
my mind really meant to me. I spent the majority of my teen and adolecent years concerned with how I looked, what I wore, who I spent time with and so on. My educaiton was never a really huge concern of mine (although I did care if I was able to get the higher marks on my sudies along with my peers) but I did okay as far as all of that went. Even into my 20’s I wasn’t as concerned with what I knew as much as I was with what I was doing at the time.
Now, here I am in my late […]
I’m a loser , I am a loser in this cruel boring LIMITED real world , reality , real life
by niki
written by niki
I’m a loser , I am a loser in this cruel boring LIMITED real world , reality , real life .. !
I am a 33 years old Asian guy, who used to have so many beautiful hope & dreams ,
and many people have told me that I’m a smart, multi talent , very creative, & wise person
but now the more I see this cursed world, people, humans beings, and this reality, the more I lose hope in humanity , losing hope in human beings, and also lose hope in myself & my future
you see ,.. Reality / real world / real […]
The current situation is a sick love story. The girl who I think is the one, thinks the same of me… Yet; she cheats on me and gives as reason that she is insecure due to that I got a message on my phone in the early stage of our relationship. She is also jealous the moment someone looks at me in a club; me noticing that someone is looking at me is enough to shatter her self-esteem.
Then after several months of dating she tells me she need to meet her ex to be sure of her feelings and that this relationship is truly the […]
I am feeling low. I called my crisis line THREE times before I got it out what was really bothering me. I finally admitted how I don’t want to be, that I was looking for the pills I knew would work. :((( but I could not find them. I stopped looking, good or bad…
The thing is, isn’t it crazy to be mad at the world and people around you but then, you take it out on yourself?? I mean, really, the reaction of wanting to hurt yourself because the world seems off kilter, that is crazy!
And yet, here I am, once again… 🙁 (Still, something […]
Here I lay at 3am still trying to fall asleep.
The thoughts of suicide keep flooding into my mind. Prying at the walls of my skull. Screaming in my ears and telling me to kill myself. Though, I’ve tried it a few times. But my world never seemed to end.
Drink bleach; I’m rushed to the hospital.
Overdose; my body refused.
Climb to the top of a building; I’m afraid of heights.
People tell me that God put me here for a reason. But prove to me that this God exists and that he put me here for a reason. I am suffering in this madness. If this God supposedly […]
Life is empty & meaningless, without any/no purpose, Life is boring, empty! There is no meaning of life! fuck life, fuck reality !
by niki
written by niki
Life is empty & meaningless, without any/no purpose, Life is boring, empty! There is no meaning of life! fuck life, fuck reality !
The more I grow up & learn after all these 32 years of my life, sadly, the more I feel hopeless especially for humanity / our humans species!
MAJORITY of people / humans beings / humanity are so damn shallow, superficial, vain, ignorant, stupid, fake, dirty, liars, etc etc.
I used to have so much HOPE for humanity , but now the hope is dwindling until it’s almost none !!
MOST people are sadly only concerned with vain, shallow, mundane “daily-life” & little […]
Life is not fair / unfair. there is always winners & losers. I’m a loser, so why can’t I / losers just commit suicide?
by niki
written by niki
Life is not fair.
Life is unfair.
there is always winners & losers.
there will always be winner & loser.
so why can’t I / losers just commit suicide?
rather than they keep living chasing & fixing all their way too many losses, which is probably too late anyway too.
and usually losers can’t win / can never win against winners anyway .. even the “start” is already too late!!
This is the harsh truth / fact / reality .
Reality / Real life / Real world is very LIMITING / LIMITED in what we can & can’t do !
We are limited by money […]
Imagination better than reality? Why Imagination is better than reality? Why is Imagination better than reality?
by niki
written by niki
Why Imagination is better than reality?
Why is Imagination better than reality?
Why is fantasy better than reality? Why fantasy is better than reality?
What puzzles me the most is human’s mind / human’s brains and imagination better than reality / human’s fantasy is better than reality.
for example:
just look at the movies, novels, comics, games, books, , animations (anime / manga), science fiction (sci-fi), fantasy , like Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Swords Art Online, Interstellar, etc etc, they are much more interesting, full of POSSIBILITIES & varieties / variations, and better than reality / BORING reality […]
Your voice was the only thing that could calm me down. When I was on the bathroom floor with a bottle of pills and a cold blade in my hand, you were there. You called me and just hearing your voice made me relax and breath. You changed me but you left. I have no idea who i am anymore or what my purpose is. Im lost without you by my side. I cry everyday at the thought that i wont be hearing your voice before i fall asleep. I wont be hearing your voice when i wake up. I wont be getting any sweet […]