I haven’t always felt the way I do now. At one point, the only thing that crossed my mind was happiness; but that was long ago. In the last few years, I’ve suffered from bipolar depression and severe anxiety. There are things that bother me now, which in the past, they never would have. Every day I wake up and I realize that the only feeling I truly identify with is sadness: pure sadness. I’ve told the people I know that I have thoughts of killing myself every single day of my life, but I feel like no one actually listens to what I’m saying. […]
Tag:
Suicide
I attempted suicide back in May, and while certainly not my first attempt (I’ve lost count) it was the most serious. I OD’d on phenobarb and diazepam, was intubated and in coma for 10 days, and 5 months later my left leg is still paralyzed from the knee down from sciatic nerve damage sustained while unconscious.
I was naïve enough to think that returning to university this Fall would make me happy and give me a renewed sense of purpose, but class started last week and since then my desire to be dead has resurfaced and intensified to the point where it’s all I think about. I […]
Junk fucked grunge and grime and became punk in time followed by this dope laced rhyme is blue lips and rolled back eyes with a rope tied tight you might find the right side of life when every body is done crying at your funeral they go back home and do the same thing as you but they don’t understand the point of view you had and why you choose to tie ropes to rocks and throw those hopes over the beam tied real tight so you could kick the chair from under your feet in the same place under that bridge you used […]
“This must be what death feels like”.
My body felt so cold and numb. My skin was dry, and my intake of air was obviously obstructed. I sat by the window of my dorm room on a Friday night, similar to many others, with a bundle of my twine twisting between my fingers.
I usually try to convince myself of ending my life on Friday or Saturday because it’s ideal for my roommates to be gone while I try to liberate myself from this absurdity. I have participated in suicidal gestures – even if they would be unbeknownst to anyone else. A full attempt usually is rather […]
It’s been about a year since I wanted to kill myself.
It was about last November or December, that I really wanted to do it. My mum and my step dad had finally decided to get a divorce, so my mum and I moved in with my aunt, cousin, and grandpa. I was really happy that the divorce was finally happening. My step dad had a horrible addiction to marijuana, which fed his crippling schizophrenia. They finally divorced because my dad wanted to smoke pot all day, which made it hard for my mom to have a life. Not because of the […]
No longer pregnant so I have my method picked out. It’s a double method because suicide has a 75% failure rate or so. Basically the only way to be successful is overkill. Both have a high failure rate but in combination and how I’m going to carry them out I’m pretty confident in the ability to complete.
I just got to wait until there’s not a doubt in my mind. Doubt will save ya.
I’m 20 yrs old, from India. My first suicide attempt was in 2012, but I was saved. At that time I wasn’t aware that overdose of any medicines won’t kill me. I don’t want to talk about how my life is. I have just stopped caring about EVERYTHING. It’s like I don’t feel anything anymore. I have taken treatment for my depression, still talk to my therapist but its not helping me anymore. It seems that my therapist isn’t taking me seriously anymore. He just says to me that your life is alright, there are people whose life is worse than you then why do […]
I’ve been carrying this illness for years and didn’t utter a word to anyone, not my family, friends, the counselor I had been seeing for 5 years. I recently reached out and tried getting help. I started by telling my older sister, who then told my mum and soon I was seeing a doctor who was meant to direct me to mental health specialists. This was over 2 months ago. The doctors have done nothing. After the years of doing nothing the one time I try get help I get thrown aside. There are many other signs but this is the final one. I give […]
It’s been a while since I’ve posted here and my feeling are still the same. I don’t want to live anymore.
Anytime something good happens in my life, the hammer comes down and makes it all go away. I hate living in a home where my mom is always working and my dad just yells at me. I’ve been called the following in the past few hours:
-Worthless, good for nothing, stupid, a *****, a hoe, a waste, a mistake, reason he’s going to die early, inconsiderate, and fucking useless.
I want to go to bed and not wake up anymore.
I have dealt with depression for so many years now, going on 5+. I’m only 18 years old. I’ve recently come upon the realization that happiness is entirely an illusion. It’s a false experience that comes from a chemical reaction within us, and this same reaction can be recreated with certain recreational drug use. therefore happiness is actually bullshit, and why should I care about continuing on in this life? Every friend I make, I end up pushing away. Every girl I meet, I end up pushing away. I’m so fucked up at this point I don’t even know if I know who I am […]
what are some of your guys’ experience with anti depressants. getting to that low point again the days are so hard to get through. it feels like being around people is making me depressed because Im around so many people but also so alone at the same time. I don’t understand why its so hard for me to talk to the people I want to talk to.
Hello, 9-14-2016
I am submitting a true story about my childhood and attempted suicide at 10 years old with hopes that my experiences may encourage open communication regarding this painful topic for parents, youngsters, and professionals. Please, we must try to prevent children and teens from feeling a need to end their lives. I hope that I may be able to help even one child, teen, or adult from feeling so alone having had such a traumatic childhood, and to help them realize that if they get help they will certainly smile again.?? […]
For me, it is my fault. The rest of the world sucks, yeah, but I put all of this upon myself.
You see, I did something incredibly horrible. I lied. Not a white lie, not a normal lie, not a lie that should be or could be forgiven by anyone. I am not going to tell you the lie, because this is my last safe haven and I don’t want you all to know the exact details of the horror that I committed. Just trust that I am right in my wrongness.
I don’t know how to live with myself. I don’t know what to do with […]
I don’t know how to say it nicely but I’m done. I am so tired. Tired of living a lie. It’s gotten progressively worse this summer, to the point where it’s 10x worse than it’s ever been since I developed depression several years ago. No one cares about me, I know that. I’m the one to message others, to call them, to love them, not the other way around. I know I’m unloveable. I don’t know why, I have theories, but I know it’s true, it’s been proven many times. I imagine it must be exhausting for others, my “family” and “friends” to pretend to […]
am i crazy if i said i want to die because i just want to know the truth? if i just want to meet god? am i wrong? maybe, yes. but is it too much to ask for god?
well, i’ve been living my past months wishing, everyday, that god would kill me because for some reason i don’t want to kill myself. people say that if you really want something that you will get it as long as you believe in god. well, i try to keep my believe so that god will grant my wish. but right now i’m pretty much still alive.
6 months […]
I am stressing about trying to get employment. I’ve been applying for jobs on and off for 5 years now and gotten literally 3 interviews.
The main reason why I have no idea why I’m stressing is because I have no plan to try and fight through postpartum depression if I have to go through it again.
Basically once I’m not prego I’ll kill myself if it gets bad again. That’s where I’m at.
I don’t have to worry about the Fate of my kids either because well I’ll be dead. Nothing will matter. Not the good or bad.
That’s how death works.
First time posting here.
I’ve been, I guess you could say “actively suicidal” in the past. Perhaps not currently. But, on some level, I’m always thinking about it.
I feel tired. old. most of all, worthless.
I’m not who I set out to be. I was reading someone else’s post on here about how it could take just one big thing to fuck up your life forever. and yeah. but, breaking it down, it’s probably not one thing or one event, but a whole series of things over a whole series of years. or you hit so many setbacks, fallen off the proverbial horse so many times, you […]
Ever since I was a little girl, living was an issue. I’ve wanted to die since I was 8 yrs old. My mother was/is evil and doesn’t have feelings like most people do. Common traits of a Sociopath; she would have a lot of sex with a lot of people just so she could feel something… Or at least I tell myself that’s the reason why. She married my dad while she was still married and had 2 sons with someone else. My dad didn’t know, but her first husband soon found out and divorced her. My dad in turn raised my two older brothers […]
Last year I had lost my virginity to a guy I loved for a year. I am quite young as well. But anyway I lost it and he left me saying. “Good luck *****.” Then blocked me leaving me there crying. My whole family learned about the situation soon after and ever since then they haven’t treated me the same. My grandma asking me why I can’t be more like my cousin who stole my boyfriend 3x letting him cheat on me with her. And soon after I started to have a crush on this guy and she also told my best friend who through […]
I have been eating irregularly for the past week…I don’t eat at all except for dinner (As less as possible) because I can’t avoid it, since I have it with my parents…
Now I tried eating an apple and god I feel so nauseous and urgh…Whenever I eat or see someone eat I get this feeling of wanting to throw up but I can’t?? I feel all queasy and I just…
I don’t want to get out of bed in the mornings, and I have to…At school I’m just fighting back tears all the time or thinking about suicide or those voices in my head that won’t […]