I locked myself in the bathroom and gathered everything I could end my life with, once and for all, the ipod dock for electrocution, matches for fire and razors for bleeding till death.
All I do though is sit there and cry, I can’t do it, I dont have the strength but I have no reason to be here,
I am a horrible person. Help me.
I fucked up pretty bad today.My bag of sleeping pills are gone this means im off to the store tommorow to sell some stuff and buy more pills.Damn i feel like an addict but it must be done.And if worse comes to worse i did find my moms box cutter and i will let them taste my flesh possibly at 12:00 midnight the end of this wretched day.Or tommorrow. But i wont do it on christmas
here i sit without clean clothes, drinking coffee and without a soul in the world to care for me. I hate life and I have nothing to do with it anymore, but im unable to end it right away. here shortly in a week or so I’ll attempt to fix my mistakes however it’s going to be very hard to carry on as i will feel like i failed at following through with suicide itself. beating suicide isn’t an achievement once you’ve sworn up and down to yourself you will do it regardless of what happens for the better. my ultimate hope is that i […]
Days like today makes me feel like I’m a fucking piece of shit waiting to rot away, or a waste of skin maybe. Fucking tire of people feeling ofended with the things I say or do… and people pushing me to care about them when it’s fucking clear they don’t give a shit about me, or else they would call me or text me or look for me…
What a wonderful fucking world !
reasons for doing this
1. Im addicted to trying to hurt myself
2.I have loads of pills its to hard to get rid of them.At at least for me.
3. Im pretty sure nothing will come of it anyway. After all ive attempted suicide more times than can count and a lot of the times i was never admitted for treatment.
4. Ive been very scared lately of death which is very ironic.But the point is i dont want to be around without the people i love.I dont want to feel the emotional pain of loss.
5 I cant survive on my own.One of my […]
I personally have allways been in “the middle”. as the second of three child in my family makes me the middle child. i’m not thin, but i’m not fat. i’m middle. every thing i do i end up in the middle. always. it is living hell. for example, this xmas, while my brother and sister got their own iphone’s which the had wish for, i got nothing i had wish for. i got a pc. im not saying that they don’t give stuff. and that their beeing total crap. it is the fact that they dont listen to me. never. even when we’re planning dinner […]
Its been a moment and since i didnt go to group tonight i figured i would talk here.A couple weeks ago i learned i would be getting a new therapist.I learned i would no longer be with the program ive been with.Now id been depressed before this over my lack of future and because ive been in pain and the doctors cant figure whats wrong with me.Well they kind of think they have but my pain continues.And it bugs.
I bought a bunch of sleeping pills to end my life the day after Christmas.The problem is i dont feel like doing it much anymore. Things […]
Its me…..i’ve still been cutting….i’ve been cutting for 3 years now. And i cant stop. I dont know how to get help and i don’t know how to tell my parents. they found out before and supposedly am a lot better but i never really felt that way. Or maybe i did feel better but i can’t let go of my past and i never stopped cutting. I dont cut in my wrists anymore cause my mom got really mad at me the last time she saw it….she hasn’t been very understanding but then again i know its hard for a my mom to see […]
I know none of you want to hear this and I presume most of you will not listen to me but please try. Im begging you, do not give up. Death is not an answer. Suicide is the easy way out and shows no stength. You need to hold on. There is people who care about you and if not, I care.. Life is precious and there are hundreds of thousands of people who die every single day who didnt want to, who chose life but got it ripped from their grasp without a choice. The most selfish thing you could do is to kill […]
For as long as I can remember I have thought of suicide, even back in elementary… I had no friends until the 4th grade. Things were okay until i shit my pants in the 5th grade therefore once again becoming an outcast. No friends in high school even though it was a fresh start I was still too awkward to make friends. Even when the thoughts are gone or I think everything is going good, it comes right back. Why cant I shake these thoughts? Im a loser and a weirdo, I have no friends and no one likes me. The only reasons I havent […]
Tonight I have thought about driving over a bridge, drowning in my bathtub or just slitting my wrists with broken glass. It’s a disease. Suicide is something that takes you over and makes you weaker and weaker.
Strange that today I am willing to take my life when I remember pulling through all the difficulties, I am still alive but it’s not that I have to just keep on going through and surviving through yet another hard time but that I have to remember and re-live the pain of when I first held a bottle of pills. It used to be that nobody knew, that behind […]
I don’t know why but it just feels like the entire worlds against me. I’m so sick of it I’ve been depressed for so long and every day I contemplate suicide. I always feel like a psycho and I don’t care what happens to me hell my friends the few I have even call me psycho! I want to end it all so bad but every time I’m about to I think of my mom and family and how much it would hurt them. I need help someone anyone fucking help me….
I’ve been working really hard to get away from daily suicidal thoughts for nearly a year now. My therapist has been pleased, I’m a lot happier, I have no side effects from my medication and I’ve finally finished my postgrad degree. Then at a party on Sunday, a “friend” started talking to me about my future. I told her she already knew what I was aiming for: a job in my field within a year or something similar. If I can’t see a future for myself, then I will kill myself. So she starts on me “Do you think you are selfish in wanting to […]
I have 4 amazing wonderful people who I call my best friends, the thing is I don’t Think one of them likes me very much we’ll hang out always after me initiating something sometimes they’ll let me crash at their house when I’m lucky, but I can’t escape the feeling that I just get more out of their presence then they ever do get out of mine, I feel awful knowing I’m just a charity case, they all know I cut I don’t know the extent of what they know about my plan for suicide I don’t really want any of them to know, they probably […]
I’ve put off writing this, because I don’t know what this is. I don’t know what I need to say.. I know that I have many thoughts that aren’t coming out right in my head and I can’t share them outloud because they only nod their heads in response. I knew a guy who committed suicide. I think about him everyday. Wonder if he knew me too. I cry when I think about people growing old. About my family members growing old while I’m away and then when I snap back to reality in 10years… they’ll be dead or no longer who I grew up […]
You know, sometimes I honestly believe that no one gives two shits about me. Even the people that say they love me. Most of those people don’t even know me. And you know what I think? I think that no one really cares until you’re gone. When it’s too late to do what you should have. What might have saved someone’s life. And you know, sometimes I consider suicide just to see if someone really did care. And if you did, why did you let me go?
I’m lost in a dark room in my own head.
I’m in pain and agony from all the thoughts that circulate.
The frightening answer of suicide and leaving.
I feel weak because I can’t accomplish it. I don’t slice deep enough.
I don’t take enough pills and I don’t use a thick enough rope.
I consider myself a coward. Because I cannot finish what I started in the middle of the year.
I’m alone, I’m scared I’m afraid. I’m worried and I’m in pain.
Each breath I take is another mistake. I shouldn’t be breathing this air.
Am I selfish for wanting it all to […]
Started doing snow again.. just a little, been planning my suicide for 7 months.. hopefully sometime in january il have the streinth to suicide.. im a little scared…jyst have a little unfinished bussiness… 26 years is long enogh..
I’m 17 years old, a senior in high school. My grades are flawless, I’m going to college next year on an academic scholarship. I’m going to be a neonatal nurse, to save innocent babies. I’ve never drank, never smoked, I rarely swear, I refuse to do drugs, and I’ve told guys no when they want to sleep with me, all to set a good example for my younger sisters. My teachers love me,”I never fail to brighten their day!” Next month I’m going to be an American Sign Language teacher to elementary students and in March I’m going to be an aunt for the first […]
i grew up with both my parents being psychologists, arguing was usually a nightmare, watching them fight before the divorce was almost worse not that i was ever too broken up about it. What it taught me though was a very good understanding of the mental health system, and more so how to deceive it my entire life, i knew what to say and how to say it, which kept me out of the wards even when i was walking around with massive cuts on my arms. You see the problem with lying though is you distort reality, and thats just what i did and […]
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