I’ve never felt like i’ve belonged anywhere.On paper i have a pretty perfect life… but i spent 10 years with a secret that drove me to depression.Now the secret is out, i feel like i lost that one thing that defined me for so many years…i dont know who i am anymore.my mom and my bf love me and im trying to survive for them but i dont wanna live.i want to stop existing.it hurts my bf when i tell him that but if suicide is selfish isn’t it equally selfish to force someone stay alive? y wont he let me die…I don’t wanna hurt […]
Tag:
Suicide
The first time I tried to commit suicide I was relatively young. Thinking back, I’m not sure why I tried. I just got so tired of living. It’s not that I had no friends, I had a bunch, but I didn’t really have any real ones. I knew my friends talked about me behind my back, we all did. It wasn’t the fact that they did it, it was just that they said such horrible things about me and acted so nice to me. Then another something happened at home. My mom and I fought so much, it was horrible. She would scream, yell, tell me […]
There is someone who bullies me. Someone who teases and taunts and tortures me. That bully is me.
No matter what I do, I notice a flaw in me. I’m stupid, ugly, fat, and friendless. No one listens to me. I doubt my parents even care about me. Whenever I try talking to them, they don’t even bother to understand my problems. I can’t talk to my brother. He has autism and wouldn’t understand anything. My ‘friends’ are fake, as fake as a Barbie doll. No matter how hard I try in school, there are always people who do better than me. I hate comparing myself […]
I live with my brother.. I’ve fucked up my life so good that I can’t get a flat on my own.. I drink and use drugs quite a lot.. Just to get the euphoric feeling for a while.
To feel like normal people. I keep thinking suicide every day, but I always find some reason to keep going. Just another fuckin’ day to the list. I’ve been stabbed in the back so many times
that I isolate myself to make sure that doesn’t happen again.. Not sure what I just wrote, just something that helps me a bit.’Anyways, Everyone who feels similar.. Take care.
I can’t go on anymore. I have no hope anymore. I feel too much tension. I feel like im so trapped in a world of sadness and failure. I cant stop crying. Not a day goes by that i dont cry. Not a day goes by that i cant sleep. Waking up in the middle of the night scared, and crying. I look in the mirrior and i see failure. Everyday i look in the mirrior i see myself fading away. I cant hold on anymore i feel it slipping away. So everyday i cut my wrists, burn myself to try and fight the pain […]
Tonight I was feeling total despair…..I lost my brother to suicide in 1999 – I was contemplating just giving up tonight. I got the courage up to call a hot line I felt weird but desperate to have someone hear my pain. The guy on the other line said some things to help me think straight. I do believe if we want to go we will. Despair is something that can be so intolerable the thought of not being is a comfort. I do have love around me but that doesn’t mean that sadness and loneliness doesn’t find its way through. Being on this site […]
I’m sure i’m not the only one here who puts on a fake smile, laughs, talks, and pretends to be a perfectly happy person. Everyone at school, besides my best friend, believes the act. I started cutting again 2 days ago. The wounds weren’t deep at all. If i hadn’t done as many as i did, they could pass for cat scratches. Since it’s winter, wearing long sleeves all the time isn’t suspicious. I prefer to anyways, though, because i have 4 years worth of scars on my arms (i didn’t used to have to worry because i had quit for almost a year so […]
I just spent 19 days inpatient and am likely going to go to partial next week. I have bipolar type 2 with psychosis. I was misdiagnosed as having major depressive disorder with generalized anxiety. I also have PTSD. Please, anyone who is considering suicide, get help. Get a diagnosis, get treatment. You are stronger than this.
my life seems as if everything is fine and perfect. But thats not true… Everything in my past still weighs me down.. I feel as if i could cry for a million years… i have tried suicide manytimes. i quit for about 8 months now but i keep getting urges to try and kill, hurt myself… i dont know what to do…
I was just about to do it! Grab the rope from downstairs and hang it over that beam in my garage that hangs oh so high. I’m screaming “I dont want to do it, I dont want to do ! ” Â I never want to kill myself but I could never bear the fact that the world is crashing down right on top of me and I began to snap. I didnt know anybody was home but then I hear my father downstairs looking for his motorcycle keys. All I had to do was just wait till he got on that motorcycle and I would […]
why do you have to be so dumb and oblivious to what is right in front of you? You should clearly be able to see that SOMETHING is wrong.. but youre blind.. you blinded by your complete ignorance. You are an ignorant person. You know NOTHING about depression, or suicide, or cutting. So you judge those who do. If you actually knew.. you would know that people who cut themselves dont do it for fun.. they do it because its something that they have grown to need, they have to do it to stay alive, so they dont kill themselves, to let out the emotions […]
hello.
i’m 17, suicidal, and very confused.
I’ve wanted to die for a long time. for many reasons. but the things stopping me have always been the friends who i owe the little sanity i have now, and the hope that i might actually be able to enjoy life at some, more independent point.
Personally i dont understand what family is supposed to be. i don’t understand the love some people have for their families. is that strange? i just. i don’t feel it. my younger brother is the only one that i feel protective of.
however i love my friends with everything i have. they are amazing and nothing will […]
My deal is odd, even I see this. I am not angry or sad nor do I hate anyone or have anything to blame of anyone. I am simply bored with life or tired of it, I find my self excited over the thought of finishing the final chapter in life however I do understand once I am gone; My wife will be heart broken as will the rest of my family so when this happens I need to make sure they are taken care of (financially) which may bring them a sense of relief and make the mourning process more bearable. My […]
its been a moment since the mental hospital and every time i go in there i forget what the goal is.I think about getting better and having friends and movies and fun stuff.I don’t think of the longer i wait the more i put a chance of everything around me of losing it.I think it must be scary to die and not lying it is ive been close to death before and that’s scary as hell. But when my mom and dad are gone im screwed im not going to know how to survive on my own.Which is why this suicide thing has to keep […]
Honestly, I don’t think the world will end on 12/21/2012. But if it does, that’s cool too.
I will turn 21 on December 20th. Finally. I can’t imagine anybody being able to fathom how excited I am for my 21st birthday (25 days!). But as far as my future goes it’s the only thing I’m excited about, sadly. I’ll graduate college in May, but I since I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do after that I’m not excited about it. I don’t know where I’ll be and I don’t know what I’ll be doing. It’s both liberating and terrifying.
I like my life, overall. […]
I’m not sure when or how it started. Just the feeling of cracking. Like when your windshield gets hit and cracks start to spider web out further. Another thing hits and the web cracks further. And then another and another until it just breaks completely. I thought about that windshield and how it must hurt, to have those cracks, to be hit so hard like that.
Now I realize that I am that windshield.
My mother cheated on my dad and left him for my (now) step-dad when I was 6. The divorce, which was messy and grisly, was finalized a year later. I had to watch […]
Bullying affects soo many people, and some, the way to deal with it is suicide. Some people are brought up in a household where there aren’t happy gatherings, where there is domestic violence, to the woman, and the children are abused, bashed. Some people are lonely. Have no freinds, family, attention. Where the view from their eyes are empty. There are people who are sexual assaulted, raped. Where they are used for sex and torture. There are people who get kidnapped, lets say, kept by a pedo for many years. Where they are tortured with rape, bad living, and are alone with fear. There are […]
So I’ve struggled with depression for years now. I’d say since I was about 13-14. Middle school was when I first contemplated suicide & it was after my very first boyfriend broke up with me. We didn’t date very long & things never got past first base. I’ve always been an emotional person, letting things get to me that shouldn’t.
Well over the years I’ve had my fair share of boyfriends (back to back really), and I wear my heart on my sleeve. I’ve realized I may have developed some co-dependency issues from the lack of knowing how to be alone. And to this day, guys […]
When you go through with it how are you going to write your note? I plan on using an essay format as opposed to the standard apologetic letter format. I want to be able to communicate the logical reasoning behind my actions. I will use the standard essay with a thesis and use discouraging anecdotes from my past to consolidate and prove an overall point.  I just want people who read it to be able to accept it.
Most of all, I do not want to across as pompous. Suicide is a conceded selfish act, and that is the last thing I want expressed from my act.
Thoughts?
How will […]