Not too long ago, I was taking a shower. Brother was being an ass, my Dad just got his ass arrested, and I was sick of dealing with myself. I reached for the razor. I’ve never exactly cut myself. People can see those marks as clear as day, especially with my pale skin. But that doesn’t mean I can’t inflict pain. I just do it in ways that leave no marks. But that day, all I wanted to do was break that razor. I don’t know how long I stood there, just staring at that sharp piece of metal. It was all I wanted to […]
Taking A Shower
When i made this cut i was scared. I had just traded an ounce of weed for a brand new box cutter, a kid bought me from home depot. Stupid i know i could have got it myself but with your dad watching you every moment of the day it was kinda hard. I said it was for protection.. protection from my thoughts.. but he gave it to me. No other questions ask even knowing my history.
I went home a couple days past and then me and my parents got in a huge fight. With out […]
So as i was taking a shower, i just randomly began to think of how i had no childhood.. how i was a depressed and suicidal child, how i can hardly remember all the fun times i had but can vividly remember the days and nights i spent crying in my room feeling isolated and alone. As if no one could save me. I had flashbacks of getting bullied, of all the shit i had to put up with. And after the flashbacks, i felt nothing. I thought nothing. I could only stare at the wall with wide eyes. My body was cold, i had […]
I’m so sick of people acting like they know me…. They don’t. They think they do but they don’t. And I really just need someone to know my story. Sometimes it’s comferting knowing someone has your story.
It started when I was 4…. my parents got divorced. When I was 5 my dog died… no big deal right? Wrong. I was 5, my dog was my best friend. When I was in 2nd grade me and my mom moved to Tennessee over the summer. I thought we were just staying for the summer. No. We were moving… To get away from my dad. Since […]
I will never forget this as long as I live. I was 17, I’m almost 21 now, and I was taking a shower one Sunday night. It was June 7, 2009. Two days after my prom, and a month after my boyfriend, who I was madly in love with, broke up with me. I was numb. I stood underneath the water and kept raising the temperature high and higher, burning myself with scalding hot water. I felt like my whole body was withering away, and the pain was magical. I felt as if i could finally feel something again other than darkness and eternal agony.
I’m starting to really think that it would just be so much better if I was gone. I don’t have anyone, really. I mean, I guess I might, but that’s not the point of anything. I don’t care that I have no friends. That has nothing to do with why I want to end my life. I don’t know what it is. I can’t seem to figure out what has caused all of this, it started a few years ago and I thought it had gone away. I did and I was happy. Actually god damn happy, or so I thought. But, now that I […]