I feel like I am at the end of my rope….like there is no point trying anymore. I used to cut. Not really for the trying to kill myself but just to make all the pain stop. I have a chronic condition which leaves me in a lot of pain. I am only 23, but I have to face this the rest of my life which I hope will end sooner rather than later. I am so tired of everyone saying I am not sick and that I feel no pain just cause I am young and pretty. I am just so exhausted. I got […]
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the end
I used to have such a passion for life. It breaks my heart every time I realize the extent and speed in which it’s dwindling away. What a waste. Agony grips my form when my thoughts turn to the past and I see what I once was.
All I want to do is go back, because I don’t believe in my future and I don’t believe in myself.
I like this song, listen away.
A comparison
Have you ever read what it is like to fall in to a black hole? That’s what depression feels like. You’re slowly moving towards the end, regardless of how hard you struggle you can not escape. Time slows down for you while the world seems to move on faster without you. You can only see the things that came in with you, your problems and vices, all floating next to you as you fall in to a singularity of your own misery. And to an onlooker, you will never actually disappear. Only get closer and closer to the end, but in reality, you’ve […]
I woke up screaming early this morning from a bad dream. In the dream, I was traveling down a road with my dog when a large black bear appeared at the end of the street. My dog, being the brave little idiot that he is, charged the bear. In the dream, I was screaming at him to come to me so that I could protect him from the bear. Of course, he wouldn’t listen and the bear was snarling and swiping at him with his huge paws. I was terrified that the bear was going to kill my dog.
I finally got my dog away from […]
If the world is an ocean, then shall we become sharks.
The king of the jungle, the lion. A warrior, a sabre of light.
The magic sands at the end of hell. The chain that we must cut.
Faith, is everything, everything that is. Everything that is wrong and right.
The scale. The balance. Liberty and justice. Most of all, universal and eternal peace.
Raped, our goddess. Civilization, civilization, civilization. Our populous system on our “Mother Earth.”
I wonder so much, what is missing in the soul of others. The truth – And oh, how I am so alone. Sacred crucifix.
Assemble, the journey. Who will […]
basically I been molested by my step dad at age 5-8 my uncle forced me to have sex with my cousin jenny at age 6 while he molested her brother and sister at the same time. I been horribly beaten by my step dad from age 5-18, My moms side of the family outcasted me and hated me and treats me like pure crap. I was beaten by my step dad till I was either bleeding or he was tired. no one believed me and he was good at getting people to believe him. I been homeless for a year. I have done all kids […]
I looked into a moisture covered mirror, saw a empty reflection of me. I was bothered, I was aware, I was committed. I was not going to wake up from this one. Fabric in hand, slip knot created, over my head and around my neck. Firmly in place, other end put over the door edge, I was in the right place, I was going to watch myself in the mirror slowly hang myself to the end. Red to purple face, veins projecting strongly, eyes growing larger and redder, oxygen depleting, knees weakening. F this, something is keeping me from completing. Another attempt, another failure…Still I […]
I need to flee SoCal.
I am the black dragon.
To heal my wound scales.
The faith, where is the wagon.
Twelve, the number is zero.
Now, in the age of oblivion.
Yet to be, another hero.
Welcome, our faith of destruction.
Fate, have you ever heard of the undead.
I live, here I am. Messiah in the dark, read my palm.
The heart of the ultimate scale, inside of me.
A turbulent chaotic beast, the rage of hell.
Peace like a saint.
Faith is my sword. My rotting flesh, sworn to be vowed.
Like Cyclops, inborn half-man and half-weapon.
My mission. My battle. My war. Forever until […]
It makes me sad to think more than a year ago I wrote my suicide note. I’ve been looking through my old diaries and posts and realised something,i’ve never really been happy in life. Even my diaries from my childhood I was writing about how sad I was. This past year has taught me a lot about myself and the world. I guess I never really had a chance in llife to start with. I grew up with a mother who constantly lies,use to be in a mental home and is horrible. MY dad is the only person I can rely on for the truth,but […]
Despite the fact I’m going to be dead within the next few weeks, I still fear what people think of me. If that’s not a sign that my social anxiety would never abate then I don’t know what is. I can’t describe how difficult it is to be around my family now, but it is mental and emotional torture. I’ve got to pick up my brother tomorrow who’s staying for a few days and I’m sure he’s gonna get sick of me and we’ll fall out. I am so scared because I am aware of which situations I become hated and weddings and big social […]
the link missing until the end. may I enter the impenetrable.
Going, across of the world. we must prepare the house for hell.
the shaman is twoyoungmen. He is a god.
the religion of the dying faith. he has long hair, and the hands of god.
I wonder how oblivion must be so beautiful. To be.
open the seventh way. you are the god, I can see.
journeying to the cold. where has the light gone.
Clark Skyward. The solstice.
The light at the end blew out.
And now I’ve had it, just about.
If anyone is reading this please know,
That it wasn’t your doing that made me go.
She’s planned to end it when we get back from vacation. When the real world comes back into our relationship. Get back the day before my 18th birthday just a few days away now. Tonight was the first night I thought I could possibly have the courage to do it. I don’t want to hurt her more. I wish I could do it and it not hurt her at all. She’s the light in my life my sunshine. Without her my world is a very dark place. And I don’t like the dark
because my problems are so contrast.
through this hell I became born. a contra warrior.
I am the dead Ash. The story of the black ash.
the story where at the end the sad hero.
what happened when it reached zero.
was there another realm. or did I fuse with Gengar.
what is the psychic world. I am a Gengar.
I can levitate and fly. I have psy-power.
I can control and manipulate things and matter, and even people.
A freaking Gengar. What in the psychic world.
There used to be a Gengar, when he found the holy spirit.
Together, they went to go save the world.
Alakazam, is the guru of peace.
I type with […]
It just hit me when I was reading one of the posts. Remembered this speech by Samwais Gamgee to Frodo in
Lotr: The Two Towers. Now that if something probably touches everyone in at least some way. A new day will come.
Frodo: I can’t do this Sam
Sam: I know
It’s All Wrong
By rights we shouldn’t even be here.
But we are.
It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo.
The ones that really mattered.
Full of darkness and danger, they were.
And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end.
Because how could the end be happy?
How could the world go back to the […]
today was different. who would have thought itd end like this.
i got blamed for something at school now im expelled ( i had nothing to do with it ). go home to see that we were robed. and now sitting on top of a bridge at the moment guess il see what happenes at the end of the day.
I put this gun to my head
I pulled the trigger I’m dead
i drank the poison
to break from my prison
baby my blood is frozen
you tried to make me revive
because you want me to survive
its to late you said your goodbye
the fault is all mine
I call your name
but to you this is all a game
the scars of time never fade
all this pain that you made
the cuts cover my wrist
i never got to rest
take my blade
give me life that you made
i scream i dont want this anymore
it all sinks to my core
you come to my funeral as i beg you not to cry
i really did try
i told you […]
She’s right, whatever her name is
We had a deal.
I hid from the pain
And she took my place.
What if I don’t want to be numb anymore?
What if i’m tired of not feeling anything?
No happiness,
No sadness,
Nothing at all.
She was my shield for many years
She protected me from the horrors of this world
Now I relieve her from her post,
But she doesn’t want to go.
She clings on to me
I can find no way to get her out of my head
“Fat”, “ugly”, “worthless”, “useless”
She knows all my weaknesses and faults
And all she does is point them out.
She moves my arms and legs sometimes
I’m her puppet.
No matter how hard I try […]
I wish I had someone who cared
I wish I had someone who would wipe away my troubled tears.
I want someone to keep me up high,
even when I just want to die.
Everyone has that person they need,
of course everyone except for me.
I yearn for the love of truth,
the person who was destined for me ever since birth.
Stay strong, he’ll say at the end of every goodbye,
but the joke’s on him, because he’s the reason I’m still alive.
I wish I could have the one, who will love me for me,
and not care for scars.
I wish […]
This world is a dreadful, putrid place, where parents destroy the hearts of children, babies are stolen and murdered, schools are shot to shit, people are belittled and berated, and innocent animals are tortured. I often ask myself what happened, why has the world come to this? And people don’t even take notice to the horrors of the world, it is like they are blind. They say ignorance is bliss and I suppose it is. I watch people and I think of squirrels, they run around so blissful and free, unaware of the impending doom of the approaching car. We are not blind. I have […]