Tag:

the world

Sudden depression

by disgusting 10/5/2015

written by disgusting

Sitting at work and having it hit me, how can I be so disgusting, so gross, so untouchable? Just thinking of things I can’t really get in to here, but of course it concerns the guy I love. Why’d he ask me long ago if I could be friends with benefits if the thought of the slightest touch of me is so gross and disgusting? And why in the hell do I have to be the ugliest person in the world? Why couldn’t it be someone else?!! What the fuck did I do to deserve being so fucking gross and ugly?!?

But also, I think I […]

10/5/2015 8 comments

I try and try

by Mulder 10/5/2015

written by Mulder

I got arthritis at 20. Now I’m soon 28 and I recently had to quit my job because of my disease.

I’m an introvert and also suffer from social anxiety. I have been depressed for as long as I can remember.

Now I’m in danger of losing my apartment because no one wants me for work. I never speak to people, so I have no friends, just some acquaintances.

I used to have at least a spiritual point of view at the shit in my life. I’ve experienced some trancendental stuff, but now I don’t see any point whatsoever.

I just want to die. Society is made for extroverted, […]

10/5/2015 2 comments

Divided

by Trix 10/4/2015

written by Trix

What do you do when you’re divided into two again? When the part that wants to wait and fight is barely heard, and the other part wakes? When you can’t understand the words coming from your mouth… when everything is a blur of colours, noise, confusion and pain, and you stop believing you have the ability to make it end. Do you keep fighting for a forgotten world? Should you be afraid that you’re glimpsing into a past world where control belonged to something else in your mind? Do you listen? It’s like something sharing your mind, some dark, twisted thing, is alive again. It’s […]

10/4/2015 47 comments

love without attachment love without need

by sunshinestate90 10/3/2015

written by sunshinestate90

If we could love ourselves, we would not need others to love us. Then it becomes irrelevant whether others love us or not. Fine if they love us. Fine if they don’t love us. But how do we get there? How do you and I get there? What is it that others see in themselves, in the world, that we can’t? At what angles do we need to tilt our heads? What does it mean to love ourselves? How does it feel to love ourselves? If taking care of ourselves is not love, then what is? At what point in the road does care turn […]

10/3/2015 3 comments

Life is so empty

by disgusting 10/3/2015

written by disgusting

I’m so lonely and confused about where to go from here. I had started chanting (Nam myoho renge kyo) and although I can’t stick to routines, it really cured me of feeling suicidal and I don’t have that drive anymore. But I don’t know what to do. My life is so empty without my best friend around. I love him more than anything in the universe, more than words could ever express, and he doesn’t feel it because a) I’m fat, b) I’m an introvert, and c) I’ve been living as a guy. I told him that being fat is really an advantage in that […]

10/3/2015 15 comments

by Delisnak 10/3/2015

written by Delisnak

im ready for the void
im ready for the nothingness
my very last breaths
into the darkness

my heart beat quickens
it starts to race
beating slower and slower
to a steady pace

someone runs into the room
screaming loudly
but i can barely hear them
trying to save me despertly

the world around me goes black
this world is not right
drove me to suicide
im now dead tonight

10/3/2015 0 comment

Wishing, waiting

by Trix 10/2/2015

written by Trix

I’m trying to remind myself that I’m still that small bit calmer than usual. Things have changed; they’re still better. I’m still trying. I’m not sinking as fast or easily as I used to.

But I’m falling… The depression is agonising. I’m exhausted. My muscles are heavy, uncomfortable and sore. My mind is the same. I’m tired of closing myself off from the world. I’m tired of choosing between letting in the sunlight or being able to think slightly more clearly. It’s so sad to think that I’ve reached a point when a single car journey can set off all my ME/CFS symptoms and leave me […]

10/2/2015 31 comments

Alone

by Royal_Styles1 10/1/2015

written by Royal_Styles1

I wish I was alone. To have nothing to hold on to. To no longer have a reason to exist. It would be so easy then. To just let the grip my hands have been struggling to hold go. To feel the world’s darkness eat me as a whole. They think it’s a phase, that it’s just something I’ve been going through, that I’ll get over it after a short period of time. They don’t understand. They think I’m doing this to myself for things that don’t matter to them. But they never thought that maybe they’re the reason why I’m struggling to live. Why […]

10/1/2015 5 comments

relapse

by bubbles1128 10/1/2015

written by bubbles1128

I cut myself knowing fully I want attention. Not just for that though. To release that endorphin to feel calm and relaxed and at peace with the world. I cut today to push on them through out the next few days to remember how little I’m loved. If I remember no one loves me then I wont ever get my hopes up to have them crushed

10/1/2015 2 comments

Enter a title here

by freedomseeker 9/30/2015

written by freedomseeker

Hey there. I saw your eyes yesterday. You’re disappointed. Sorry. I might be… out. I’m actually out. I’m always off. I’m always out. I push back my chair. I hide my hands in my pockets. I lay my head up against the wall. I deaf myself out and off with music. I don’t wanna listen anymore. I just don’t wanna be here. I keep complaining all the time. Always blaming someone, something. Always wondering, about me, about the others, about everything. I live in a world that isn’t. I have to make up my own to smile. See the smile on my lips when I […]

9/30/2015 5 comments

Yo havent seen a post from ya ismedyl

by deerdezz 9/30/2015

written by deerdezz

Well hey if youre still around or if anyones interested give a band Mother Mother a listen.

Waiting for the world to end

9/30/2015 2 comments

A little story I’ve been working on. Would appreciate any feedback.

by thelost 9/29/2015

written by thelost

The boy sat alone in a dark room.

The world around him simply moved on.

The boy saw it happen, but he did not care to stop it

He had become a separate entity.

Something in the outside.

Outside

The outside was dismal, dark, crushing

He only returned there for the sick pleasure the pain gave him

He knew it was dangerous

He knew the risks

From the outside he watched home, and the world continuing without him

He saw it all and was almost content.

Almost.

He saw it, hell, he looked down upon the world he once knew

But the part of him that belonged there.

It longed to be home.

The boy realized his mistake.

He […]

9/29/2015 5 comments

Rant

by Zephyr 9/29/2015

written by Zephyr

I’m so fucking fed up with everything right now. My parents are driving me fucking crazy by being goddamn indecisive and they won’t tell me what the fuck is going on. Why do you have to play this stupid game?! Why can’t you tell me what’s going on? Why can’t you try to help me instead of putting such pointless weight on me that I can’t do anything about. Stop it. JUST STOP IT!

I’m fucking depressed enough. I’m already batshit crazy and this doesn’t fucking help. It doesn’t help that I don’t have anybody to talk to. It doesn’t help that all of this makes […]

9/29/2015 1 comment

Mother Nature

by Take a Deep Breath 9/28/2015

written by Take a Deep Breath

Ok guys, so this may sound weird, but I’m going for it. I felt a little down in the dumps today (perks of being bipolar) and was thinking about self harming when I just walked outside and felt the breeze on my skin and rays of sunlight kissing my face- I could almost feel Fall hanging in the air. I swear I was just there; I was just a moment in the day in the life of the world and it was good. I glanced towards the sky and the clouds… have I ever seen anything so beautiful? The shades of blues and creams and […]

9/28/2015 5 comments

Trapped

by TimeGoesOnButForHowLong 9/28/2015

written by TimeGoesOnButForHowLong

Hello, I’m M22.

I think I was a good kid in childhood. Studied well, played sports etc. But I was always sad. I never really had friends when I was young. I lived out of city and there were no other people except for my family. I hated the woods and I always thought I missed a lot in my life. The loneliness stayed with me. Also my parent were (and still are) fighting each other, a lot of violence stays in memories. At one point I started to hate my family.

The first time I had suicidal thoughts I think I was 16 or 17. I don’t even […]

9/28/2015 2 comments

This World is Rotten and Filled With Rotten People

by arik 9/27/2015

written by arik

If life is typified by the apple, then at its core festers a great rot that eats it from within. A rot that has been ignored far too long.

I will create a world that is filled with kind people, even if it means I have to be the only monster left.

I do not care whether you are man or woman. I do not care what the colour of your skin is. I do not care what your beliefs are. The instant you step on the life of another, the moment you take advantage of another human being, much less bring them to the brink of […]

9/27/2015 28 comments

I wish I wasn’t a failure.

by Zephyr 9/27/2015

written by Zephyr

I am, though. I can’t help it. I can’t help the fact that Im a failure. It’s not like I’ve not tried to put myself out there. I’ve done everything you wanted, Mom, Dad- I just… Nobody wants someone who’s nobody. And they don’t want any bullshit art that this shitty ass fucking 16 year old made. They don’t want dumbass masks I put my hard work into. They don’t even want my paintings! You tell me to put myself out there and then I’ll get people to buy my things. You tell me not to get a real job and just rely on art. […]

9/27/2015 9 comments

Scared

by RuinsOfTheVoid 9/27/2015

written by RuinsOfTheVoid

I am scared. Scared that I will not be enough. That something bad will happen to the ones I love. Scared that cant protect them. That I am a fraud. That I will never be enough.

Scared that I will never be what I want to be, because I am too scared to embrace it.

I have everything I have every wanted, and I am so afraid that the world will take it from me, that I cannot enjoy it.

Fear is ruining my life.

9/27/2015 4 comments

by Mark_1981 9/27/2015

written by Mark_1981

After having spent the last 20 or so years struggling to figure myself out, I feel as though I have a crystal clear understanding of myself. I guess you could say that I spent these past 20 years looking into my abyss. I found myself there.

People always say that suicide is not the answer. But what if it genuinely is? The human mind can only take so much and I feel as though I’ve lived through an eternity already and I’m 34. I struggled through a very isolated childhood as I’ve posted before and seen horrors that no child should […]

9/27/2015 4 comments

by deerdezz 9/25/2015

written by deerdezz

Waiting for the world end

9/25/2015 4 comments

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