I had a mental breakdown last week and added 10x more scars to my body than there needs to be… I am a pessimist but also an optimist in training. But right now i feel like all the bottles in the world of prescription Prozac and Ativan couldnt fix me, i feel broken and lost like the lost things that end up in neverland. I hate these feelings they drive me insane and one day im scared that i might just be. I am only 19 years old but have suffered from depression since grade.9 and anxiety since grade.10, despite being in my 2nd year […]
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the world
My story is both hair-raising and mundane at the same time. I was a very promising student, talented musically and didn’t have too bad a childhood, but went down with clinical depression aged 19. Back then there was not so much awareness of the condition so I didn’t really get any effective help. Depression through my twenties came and went, I tried out ‘alternative’ lifestyles and was somewhat of a political activist, I didn’t pursue a career because it was kind of fashionable in my circle to be a dropout I guess. Also the episodes of depression would hit hard, still undiagnosed, still not really […]
Set to the music “The Fool on the Hill.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNfS9Ywb2Cc
I have become the clouds. No feelings, just expression. They only appreciate in passing. A compliment here, a compliment there, their heads turn back, to the ground. Beautiful, for those that look. But I am not beautiful, its just a point of view. Clouds at night, hidden from everyone. Unable to see no matter how hard you strain. Sadness, happiness, productive. Irrelevant. No one understands the work that goes into forming me. The sun, creating a phase transition of water, condensing back down… I form rain, snow, thunder. Some hate, others love. Emotionless either way. Some fly […]
This world is boring , boring world . why movies, games, anime/manga, fantasy / imagination is better than this world / better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
by niki
written by niki
I hate this world .
This world is so boring , boring world !
Why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than this world / better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, eat, then sleep, then repeat again.
but movie / game / anime / manga / comics / books are much more exciting & interesting than this boring life !
for example: like in the world / universe of Harry Potter, Avatar, Lord of the Rings, […]
So I’ve been alone for a long time, practically all my life. And this recent suicidal phase I’ve gone thru hasn’t helped that at all. Scarred myself up good I did. Even slicing my arm open on a hacksaw by accident one day. I’ve grown a loving for the color black and everything about. In color theory, it’s either the presence of every color or the absence. I like to think every color is present.
But anyway, I’ve made plans and I’ve screwed it into my head that I’m probably going to end up dying alone in my old age. And I think I’m prepared for […]
I stumbled apon this page today while desperately searching for an explanation to my constant desire to end my own life. The posts that I have read thus far have touched my heart and soul in ways i cannot imagine, i relate to so many of these posts. As i have just mentioned I found this page today so this is my first post.
I am a 20 year old university student, on the forefront i seem like I have the world figured out and a future most people only dream of but here is the truth: I am alone in this world that has been […]
From a certain light I can imagine the numbness – the nothingness – as being peaceful. Relaxing almost. But in reality that’s not the case, you all know that’s not the case. Because when you’re in that state of mind, you are trapped between 4 walls that are closing in around you. At least that’s how it feels. Time passes and soon enough you’ll have to leave the (dis)comfort of your own bed, and go to work, school or university and pretend to be a civilised human being. Pretend that you aren’t entertaining those darker thoughts during every pause or break in your day. Pretend […]
Not sure what to say as I know this post is only for me to feel better briefly. Guess I’ll just say I’m tired of trying and going back to square one every time. I know it’s how I see the world. I know it’s my brain ‘chemistry’.
I wonder why there can be two people with the same mental illness, the same struggles, and only one commits suicide. What makes the other person stronger?
It’s weird what sets me into a downward spiral now. I’ve pushed everyone away & out of my life and I’m not even sure why.
Guess I just feel completely hopeless. […]
I’d like to take a moment to explain why those who share their suicidal intent with others will be unable to kill themselves, if they’re unable to kill themselves. That’s not really saying anything put like that, but what is given is advice to what i believe could be the majority of those who get themselves stuck in a hole, unwanting to live, unable to kill themselves, there are always outliers though, -real- psychopaths and what have you…
Anyways, as the saying goes: “those who share their suicidal intent with others are REALLY just crying out in a desperate plea for help, even if they […]
What doesn’t kill you makes you wish you were dead
Got a hole in my soul, growing deeper and deeper
And I can’t take one more moment of this silence
The loneliness is haunting me
And the weight of the world’s getting harder to hold up
It comes in waves, I close my eyes
Hold my breath and let it bury me
I’m not okay, and it’s not alright
Won’t you drag the lake and bring me home again?
Who will fix me now? Dive in when I’m down?
Save me from myself, don’t let me drown
Who will make me fight? Drag me out alive?
Save […]
So far there have been two things, and only two things that have kept me from committing suicide.
1) Fear of the unknown.
This life is terriable yes, unbearable and causes me suffering every single day. I just want out, I just want it to end and I think I would be doing everyone a great deal if I left now. I would be ridding the world of a horrible, evil person. But I believe in being selfish, all I care for is myself and what worries me is what comes after death. What if it turns out worse than what life is like now? […]
Dear anyone
I am an 18 year old guy and my life is shit for the last 10 years with no exaggeration. I am really fucking depressed and I keep everything inside me for a very long time but I found this site some time ago and I would like to write my story before I end my miserable life. I know many of you will get bored and close this page in the midway because it will be very long but I don’t care for anything anymore.
The problem is that I am just so fucking ugly. I have nothing on me to like […]
The one thing that has kept me going for the longest time has been schoolwork. I am a senior in college, graduating in May and wondering what will help me survive after that. I’m good at schoolwork. I’m smart. Not to sound arrogant, but I know what to do to get good grades, and I love to learn. When everything else is fucked up, as it often is, knowing that I can get something right is what keeps me alive. Now, it’s nearly over, and in all that handwork and all that knowledge gathering, I have no career prospects. Nothing that I’m particularly good at. […]
I can’t stand this silence. Even when music is on, even when somebody is screaming. There’s so much silence. The world is silent. My world.
There’s nothing in it. Music doesn’t exist anymore.
I hate myself. Why don’t people understand how I feel or how other people like me feel? Everything hurts even when I’m not that old yet. I wish I could escape all this madness…then I think to myself, I never really fit in in the first place…what if I dissappeared what would happen no one would care for me… “life is a play ” another person gone and the play will still go on, the world will still spin…my verse in this play dose not seem that long and important…but what if it is I mean I’m just a child to to some people… […]
Dear WORLD,
I hate my life. i want to die. i hate my family. i dont have friends. i wish to leave this world. i dont want to be here anymore. ive had enough time. give my years to someone who wants them. i dont want to hurt myself anymore unless it is soon followed by death. my heart is hollowed out from the world i was born into. take me away to somewhere far away where birds always sing and the […]
Im so tired.
I’m tired of being caught in the middle.
I’m tired of being treated like dirt; like nothing.
I’m tired of being treated like I’m not worth anybody’s precious time.
I’m tired of living.
I’m tired of breathing.
I’m tired of feeling.
But if I end it all today,
I die with a burden on my shoulders,
And selfishness in my name.
I would die leaving my boyfriend here to grieve alone;
God knows he’s as suicidal as I am.
I would die knowing all the pain I put my “family” through.
I would die never accomplishing all the things I wanted;
A […]
How many of you would actually care if I died, and if you did, for how long? I mean if I died the sun would still rise and set, the seasons would still change, my death would change nothing in the world. I’m nothing special, so why do you care what happens to me? My existence is meaningless, so therefore I believe that I do not need to stay. I mean, do you even know what it’s like to feel so damn sad and empty all the time and just wake up everyday to just fake a smile and pretend to be oh so very […]
Life isn’t perfect it’s hard to manage. Life is a ***** and doesn’t let you live it how you want it. Well the people that also live in this so called world. So I leave you here to figure out the world without me because I was never good at a fight. I’m not a fighter I look at the reasons and there is only one way to stop this pain. Suicide sorry that it has to come to this sorry that I wasn’t up for the good life. Sorry that I let you down sorry that I made you sad.. but they good part […]
I think people are getting tired of me being that fucking sad all the time.
Worst part is that I am too. I hate myself. I hate being sad. I hate feeling stupid. I hate feeling useless. I hate this fucking anxiety.
I don’t want the world having this picture of me anymore. I don’t want them to think that I’m just looking for attention, or that I’m a poor sad broken kid.
But I can’t stop crying. And it’s been almost two years of crying almost every day. I should be dry by now.
And I keep reading about depressed people being unable to […]