6 months ago, my 12 year old brother was in independent detention when he tried to choke himself with the wire of a spiral notebook. Gladly, someone caught him and they had the school’s deputy escort him to a behavioral institution. At the end of my school day, I was waiting down in the band hall for two of my friends, Valerie and Wolfgang, when I got the text from my mother that read: [Your brother] tried to kill himself at school. Dad and I are going to the Littleton Behavioral Institute. We don’t know when we’ll be home but you need to take care […]
Tag:
Therapy
Hi suicide project people.
I haven’t written in awhile. I have since my last post, given in to taking medication, and got a new therapist. I am spending a lot of money on therapy and psych appointments and medication. I am still depressed. Still lonely. And the only person that makes me feel better (a little) is not really interested in getting to know me. I am disorderly attached to someone at work, basically.
I have already expressed to this person that I’d like to get to know them outside of work and they sort of skirted around giving me an answer. They are nice tome  at work, but then when I leave work I dwell on whether or […]
I’m feeling so down. All I want to do is laying in my bed, sleeping, crying and cutting. I know I have to go to therapy every monday till friday from 9 am till 3 pm, but I really don’t want to do ANYTHING right now. I’m getting more scared and paranoid every day. Getting scared that someone is following me, or wants to steal my bag or purse. That kind of stupid things. I want to evade them, so I stay inside as much as possible. But the only thing I really want besides wanting to die, is just laying in my bed, sleeping, […]
Today sucks, I didn’t want to do anything. I hated to be at therapy today. But when one of the therapists got me out of the group, I knew my mood would get worse because of the talk. My mom had called to therapy because she was worried about me. I told her yesterday that I didn’t want to live anymore. So one of the therapists wanted to talk to me about that. I really got angry when she wanted me to say: “I want to die.” She knew that I wanted to die, because my mom told that to her. She had also said […]
This morning I looked outside and all I saw was snow. You may think: “Is that special?? O.o” Well, I can tell you: yes, it is. Because in The Netherlands we don’t really have severe winters or often snow. So when there is snow, it’s special. Especially when it’s like 6 inches, like today. I had to go to my part-time therapy (from 9 am till 3 pm every monday till friday) and luckily my father brought me. There was like more than 1000 kilometers of traffic jam, a new record! (on a normal tuesday in the morning it’s around 300 kilometers) and we also […]
“I have been getting treatment and have been really positive about it”
“You’re demonstrating black and white thinking and seeing this as all good.”
“Treatment is hard and sometimes it makes me emotionally tired and depressed”
“No one said it was going to be easy. You’re seeing things in black and white and this as all bad.”
“Granted, receiving treatment has done things that made me feel hurt, it does good things.”
“Now you’re splitting, there is something wrong with you.”
“I feel like you have put me in a catch-22.”
“You just want me to tell you what you want to hear.”
“I think […]
I’ve been sitting long and hard trying to think of the words that would be just right and not hurt or upset anyone. I hope you know who you are, we’ve always been so connected in life, 2 halves of one whole, and I don’t think now is any different. If you’re reading this and its not aimed at you I hope you also take some consideration that I’m sure there is someone in you’re life who feels exactly the same way about you as I do about her.
I know you feel that there is no way out, but I’m here to guide you through […]
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