I feel insane, like i’ll never be happy. Even though i strive so hard to be happy. Yet i feel as if there is fire in my skin, and i am drowning within’. I can’t trust nor really open up to people.. i can feel them judging.. no one understands the concept of depression around here.. they just think you are ‘sick’ .. that’s all you’ll hear “She’s sick, look at her wrist” “She needs to be put away” .. But they don’t get the constant darkness taking over your mind.. Out of all honesty if i were to do it.. I’d make it look […]
think
well i’m 14 and don’t really talk to people about stuff like this but.. i dont want to be like this anymore, i dont really want to live at all anymore.
summer break started 3 weeks ago and just before it i lost my friends, they started talking about me and all that stuff but i started hanging with new people and it only made me realise that i hate myself even more. i’m a typical teenager, i dont stand out like the rest of them.
i have a lot of family problems- my mum and dad argue a lot, i argue with them a lot and […]
I think suicide is just about the only thing I think about anymore. I doubt if I will commit any time soon as I want to record some of my thoughts to leave behind so my family knows whats been going on right in front of them. The reality for me now is that someday I will die by my own hand and nothing can change that. I don’t even have a story, all I am is a middle-class white teen with too much time on his hands. *sigh* Heading off to work, so I can think about suicide while people around me think about […]
I think I’ve come to terms with suicide. I know that it will be the way I die, but not the method. I do know that I want to buy a nice big leather and metal Grimiore to write down all my thoughts, I suppose like a journal. Then when the time comes I won’t need to write a note, I can just clutch my grimiore on the way out. I see suicide as a perfect way to die, surely some call those who have succeeded in their suicide attempts cowards though they are not. I know the immense courage that it would take to […]
My family doesn’t know that I’m gay. In fact, they think I’m straight. Sometimes it seems like they try to push sexuality on me. It’s weird. They say that I should get a girlfriend, get married, have kids, and all that shit. I tell my parents that I don’t want to get married or have children and they don’t believe me. They think that just one day, I’ll meet the right girl.
To be honest I’ve never been kissed, held hands with, or hugged someone romantically. In fact, I try to avoid touching people. Relationships seem so foreign to me. I see a lot of people […]
I fought when you couldn’t,
I stood tall when you wouldn’t,
I worked my fucking ass off just to get nowhere and I shouldn’t.
You had me rapped around your fucking finger,
The days I’d see you id just fucking linger.
The walls around me yeah they start to quiver,
Now I’m stuck here thinking did I deliver?
Well I ‘m not being made a Fucking fool,
Quit trying hard and acting like a major tool.
What you think you can just walk in and make up all the rules?
Fuck your shit off cause you’re not that cool.
Hey… So I have think too much about overdose with sleeping pills. I think that I’ll just fall asleep forever. But how many pills do I need to use?v
I feel better than I did. I needed to get all that out. I’ve picked up drinking over the last several months. That helps a lot. I don’t want to destroy myself, just feel better. I have received some good news/bad news a few days ago. I can’t think of suicide right now. I have no other option but keep going despite what I’m feeling inside… I’m not sure that I can do this. I am positive that I will be back to this place again. I spent a really long time debating this decision…
I think ive been lost for a while now. I finally realized how sad and miserable my life has been for at least a good 4 years. Ive been aware that im depressed following other illnesses by my doctor diagnosing me with depression and other mental illnesses, but it barely hit me. Hard. I look around and i look at me, at this 14 year old girl who cant find her face nor her soul anywhere. I look in the mirror and i see a girl who looks so lost, so tired. All kids my age, even younger or older seem to have things under […]
I try to live myself now with no regrets but I have one from the past that I just can’t get over. I left my wife while she was 9 months pregnant and asked for a divorce. I’ve always been apart of my child’s life but I can’t get over leaving her, I never should have done it. When she’s nice to me I am on top of the world. When she’s mean or ignores me it puts me in the deepest depression. It has been over 7 years and I just can’t get over it, I try. I’ve talked to psychologist and been out […]
I have scars on my arms from endless self harm. I am depressed all the time. I have times where I don’t want to live anymore. My thoughts in my head are like burning flesh. I cut to relieve pain, my emotions. I always think cutting is the solution to everything. I take the razor to my wrist, and i cut and cut until there’s nothing left. I’ll cut until I bleed onto this page. And I’ll find words that can qualify my rage. People can be cruel, and i need a way to deal, and up to this point, A razor is all that’s […]
i constantly tell people not to hurt themselves or that their beautiful or worth something but yet i tell myself the complete opposite going through so much crap and yet i give hope to people but cant give it to myself. i could tell someone a million reasons why they shouldn’t kill themselves or hurt themselves but when i try and think of even one reason to stay here i cant. why is that?
i feel very lonely here. no one likes me. For no reason if people have problems with me then why i should live here. i think if i will die then these people’s problems will be solved. i want to see everyone happy. good bye.
rember i said sometimes;
ive been in lots of them.. some times there meanigful, some times there just for sex, and sometimes there just because you need someone to sit there and complement you all the fucking time… witch is okay, because some times its okay.
right now i am in a relashonship with nick, this is one of those meaningful ones.. before this one i had a boynamed john and all he wanted was sex and i am not secure with my body enough to do that sooo…. there for i dont think i will ver have sex . but some one should always have someone […]
since i was a kid iv always felt like i dont belong in this world. i can never do anything right and dont fit in atall. i have no friends and if i do make a friend they always end up betraying me. i made a very close sucide attempt at 13 and was told my life would get better but 10 years on its not i just feel like im waiting to die to end this pain. every one says sucide is wrong, i dont agree if ur unhappy y is it wrong to take ur own life. iv been a self harmer since […]
So I don’t want to go into too much details. However, I live with my dad and step mom. For the past 3 years I have been sick due to spinal issues along my back all the way up to my brain stem. Basically my entire spine has loosened, and the discs/vertebrae shift.
I have tons of back pain and neurological symptoms. There is a bone in my neck that shifts and pushes on nerves near the brain stem, causing reduced blood flow to the brain. This causes my body to tremble, as well as short term memory loss, inability to think, fluster of emotions, pain, […]
I dont know what to do with myself….i feel so lost…ive given so much to accomplish something, and it lead me nowhere… now im back to case 1 and i just feel like shit…all i can think about is death because each time i think about doing something else and moving on with my life … i get this horrible anxiety feeling and it paralyze me to the bone… if anyone wants to talk to me on skype…maybe it would help, i dont know how to get out of this mess…planning to stay at my parents house hidden in my bedroom until i die or […]
”Life is sad. But it’s always beautiful”.
I bet you all can find some beauty in sadness, even beauty in a depressive lifestyle, don’t you? Being against all the world and it’s shallow and dull and futile happiness. Being unique. That’s what sadness is about… The reality is sad, and we see the reality as it really is – unlike the shallow happy people, whom live into an ilusion. But be cautious, my friends my brothers…
”Be careful with the sadness – it’s addictive.”
That’s from Gustave Flaubert. I’m sure there is a lot of addicts here. I was one too. I used ”real” drugs. I loved cocaine. […]
Ok this is my last post, in just a few hours I’ll be gone.
I’ve spent my last days trying to enjoy myself and everything I love with my heart, but still it wasn’t enough to make me change my mind. I don’t have regrets but I would have loved to be able to give a propper goodbye to the people I love, anyway I don’t want them to know what I’ve done once it’s done, so I’ll have to keep all that for myself.
Life looks so different when you know it’s going to end, it’s not brighter nor darker, just different, as if you were […]
and soon. Sure, who the hell doesnt want an easy way out, but growing tired of all the nay-Sayers who dont think i have the guts to off myself. MORE bad news today. MORE being alone! MORE being screwed-over by family. and yes, at this point i know that no one cares and i certainly ASK that no one cares. Just MORE shit-filled proof in my life stating i am worthless to others and i know damn well, i have long since been worthless to myself, too. i could give a fuck. i found a way to legally purchase a gun in my state. no […]