Come to Terms

I think I’ve come to terms with suicide. I know that it will be the way I die, but not the method. I do know that I want to buy a nice big leather and metal Grimiore to write down all my thoughts, I suppose like a journal. Then when the time comes I won’t need to write a note, I can just clutch my grimiore on the way out. I see suicide as a perfect way to die, surely some call those who have succeeded in their suicide attempts cowards though they are not. I know the immense courage that it would take to kill yourself but I am not one bit afraid of death. Is it fucked up to think that I wish someone would kill me for no reason just so I could spare my family the expenses of wondering why I killed myself? I do not know how to express this to my family because they will never understand ow I could be so content with suicide. *sigh* Telling them is not an option because if it happens and they try to “help” they’ll feel as if they failed.