I’m new to this so I don’t really know how to start out but I guess I will try my best. All my life I’ve delt with hardships but who hasn’t? My parent were divorced when I was 6, my father was a drunk, my mother was a partier. An when they decided to split it wasn’t peaceful. They didn’t care about us kids they just cared about the money that came with the kids. And this is still going on till this day, I’m almost 22 now. It’s hard going through life knowing money is always more important than your life. And I’ve had […]
think
I don’t feel sorry for myself. I am living life as I think I’m suppose to. I do feel hopeless, but it’s in a new kind of way. I don’t dwell on it like I once did. I really feel “ok”. I’ve accepted it.
I still have small feel goods, but they go as quickly as they come. I feel annoyed and agitated quite often, but usually with one person in particular. I am anxious more than anything… I can’t seem to shake it. It is destroying my life… ME. I tried so hard to fit in, do my best, be a good mom, friend, person, […]
I was always so damn sober and clean. So sensible around drugs and addiction.
Now I’m beginning to think like an addict. Feelings/thoughts approaching unbearable? Take a pill. A non-prescribed one if necessary.
Every day there are reasons to take a downer. Yes, ironic. I’m as depressed as can be. But the drug makes me stop caring. Makes me dumb, fearless for the duration. Bit wobbly on my feet maybe, but I can face anyone and anything without anxiety.
At last I found an online source of what I need. Marijuana makes me nauseous. Drink was never my thing. But there is a pill for every ill. So […]
I feel like I don’t want to keep on trying anymore, it’s hard to explain but I feel like I have finally achieved everything I’ve ever wanted and still I don’t get any joy from it. I still have some things that I have to “fight for” but I already know that when I finally get them I wont feel anybetter than now.
It feels like even when I got what I wanted (to have friends, and family and succeed in what I do) nothing is real, I feel like it’s all in my mind, I don’t think anybody actually loves me or cares about me. […]
I have been reading stories on this site for a long time, but I finally signed up to be able to write something myself tonight. Although I don’t consider myself suicidal, I must admit I have thought about it on more than 1 occasion. I have had a couple times that I really felt like dying, but first of all I would never have the guts. Second,v believe that anything we go through in life can be turned around, but you know what? That’s not why I’m here tonight. I’m here because I figured this is the perfect place to vent and give myself a […]
“cut my arm as many times as you would cut yours”
words from my sister, i told her that i would never hurt her the way i hurt myself.
I held her as tight as i could as she cried in my wounded arms. She cleaned the blood and bandaged me up and said never to do it again, and continued crying. Every time i think to cut i remember that, but it still doesn’t stop me. I am so messed up, i don’t hate it anymore. I can tolerate it, i can live with it now. Is that weird? Many think so, even my shrink thinks […]
im really fucked up in the head & i just want to die so i can be at peace but im too afraid to kill myself im extremly miserable that im still here … why dont i have the balls to end it ? death is all i think about i even wish i get sick with cancer or something so i can die cause im too scared to do it myself …. i want to go im tired of being/felling sad,miserable,worthless,unloved,invisible,ugly,unhappy etc IM JUST TIRED & READY TO GO
When you sort things out, when you sort your life, when you think this time it’s going to be alright, you say: you made it!; something awful happens. It throws you out of your course and i know these things happen daily. I just can’t stand when someone thinks you don’t care, when they think it is easy.
I am not making any sense but i am a little bit teary so i can’t find the words to describe how i feel. It’s always thinking about the future that makes me sad. I reached an age in which it is not yet too late to change […]
Now before I launch myself into this philosophical escapade I’d like to state that, while I may express relative repugnance to the act of postulating, human beings would not be able to operate nearly as effectively or efficiently in every day life without the use of axioms. If most people constantly contemplated as to what ways their actions are or are not rational, they would get an interesting form of a cognitive workout but unfortunately their performance in their job[s] would most likely decrease greatly, assuming that these people aren’t working in a field that requires the
interminable contemplation of cognitive processes.
So here is my pre-reading supposition:
Postulating that the goal in life […]
im used to being alone and not having anyone to talk to….but im feeling really fucked up right now….nobody fucking cares and i dont think anyone ever will….maybe i should take his advice…”just keep on cutting. you worthless piece of shit.”
I take pills in order to calm down. Try change that.
I take another type of pill so i do not commit suicide. Try change that.
I cut to make myself feel better. Try change that.
I write down how i am gonna die everyday. Try change that.
The thing is you can’t, and i don’t think you ever will. That is what scares me the most.
Everyone’s moving on without me, into a world I don’t understand -sophie kinsella
Broke is a relative term, like sister, cousin, or Uncle Sam -jarod kintz
Most people who think they’re happy are really just stupid –Tok Kitt
“Dead, but not allowed to die. Alive, but as good as dead.” ? Suzanne Collins
Perhaps depression is caused by asking oneself too many unanswerable questions.
I’m too much of a coward to kill myself. And too much of a coward to live
Sometimes you just gotta hope for the hope of having hope some day.” ? Jeffery Thompson
“Maybe you think life is not worth living, but is death […]
I was addicted
To the cold knife blade piercing the delicate flesh of my wrist.
You ask why I didn’t tell you
You keep asking why I did it
Listen,
How can you judge someone if you don’t know
The Pain.
The Sorrow
The unending hell
In my addiction I felt disgusted with myself
I was falling deep inside the black
I saw no hope in my sight.
STOP ENOUGH IS ENOUGH
I was given a second chance
God Saved me.
My spirit free at last.
Now I stand here
still breathing still smiling
Listen, I’m a survivor and I can tell you that Suicide is never the answer when I tried to get help I was a subject of riticule and was […]
Because wordplay.
Here i sit on SP, contemplating mortality, nine-something pm my time, and fireworks whistle and pop, not far away. Three days early. I doubt the people launching them have any real clue just what it is they’re supposed to be celebrating… or how jeopardized and compromised that particular thing has come to be.
I wanted to make some kind of… soup reference, or something, but alas, i’m not in gear for that at this time. It’s just that the 4th of July has been an increasingly stark source of irony for me, since i found myself awake.
I wonder if they know what “Independence” really means.
I […]
I’m 19 years old and I thought that I could change. My entire life has seemed to be nothing but struggle. For years I waited for God to save me and my family, but he didn’t. I’ve seen many things and done many things I wish I didn’t have to. I’ve stopped my mom from drowning herself in the bathtub, I stopped my dad from hitting my mom when they got into a heated discussion; on numerous occasions I’ve stopped my dad from hitting my brother and my mom from choking him because he wouldn’t be quiet. I’ve watched my dad beg for food and […]
Well, I am going to write about what has occurred in my life; when my depression started etcetera. I don’t really care if someone reads this or not, I just really need to write it down. I was in a abusive friendship with a girl who lived 3 doors down from my house. I met her when I 3 years old and stayed best friends with her for 10 years. I know what you are thinking. An abusive friendship from the ages of 3-13? Well this “friendship” contained of me feeling like complete and utter crap 24/7 because of the friend mentally destroying me (intensely I […]
okay so i tried to commit suicide. i was literally doing anything to die i was crying so hard i had no resources or anything so i just took a bottle of ibuprofen and i took 65 of them i went to the mental hospital and stayed there for like two-three days and i was really unhappy because i missed graduation and graduation was really important to me because that school was hell and i would have cried if i went to graduation because i was so happy i was out. but i didnt even get to go. i said everything i had to to […]
Every day I come home to being screamed at my family hurting me calling me worthless ect. I was just so tired ive been bullied since 4th grade I am a junior in high school and all the bullying bullshit hurts some people don’t know what bullying can cause to you I have scars all over my body but yet I liked the pain I felt when that raz0r would cut my skin and the blood drip on the floor I ran to my room and I got the razor 1cut,2cuts,3cuts,4cuts I looked down I was in my own puddle of blood I was and […]
That when i think of most people dying and going to hell, and me going to heaven and finally being away from them for eternity…it makes me laugh and smile?