I Guess It’s Over Now

Although I have age on you, and even though I don’t know if you will read this before you make that decision. I just wanted you to know, I’ve been there. I can totally relate to you at 19. I’ve been trough the ringer and back myself. I grew up in a ”Christian” home, yet my stepfather who professed to be a Christian had a very short fuse. At one point or another he’s attacked every single member of my family except my sister (his blood). She was the exception. She was daddy’s girl, and his little princess. Me and my brother were just his step children by marriage. That was made pretty clear at an early age. There were few occasions (birthdays, holidays etc) that didn’t involve violence. I remember on my16th birthday I think, my brother and stepdad got into it. Big time! I don’t remember the reason, those were mostly irrelevant. My entire family sitting around the table. They just brought the cake out, and after quite a bit of a heated argument between the two, my dad had pushed my brother into the door behind him and shattered the glass in the door. And a fight ensued. That’s just only one event. I generally kept my mouth shut and tried not to piss him off. My brother made a hobby of it. Then again my brother was on the football team and was working out and had a build. Although my stepdad still had him by a few inches and pounds. Me on the other hand, was short for my age at the time and didn’t stand a chance. Although there was this once when I came home late, and he accused me of waking him up. Which was a complete and total lie, he just wanted an excuse to go off. I became a master of walking on egg shells. So I knew I was dead quiet when I came in. Regardless, I stood my ground and we got into it. He mouthed off at me and said his typical ”listen here son” like he would do in a condescending way (at least its how I took it). I had enough of that and I finally told him, I’m not your damn son. Next thing I know I’m getting choked out. If I didn’t knee him in the groin he may not have ever stopped. He was also mentally abusive. Always made me feel stupid. I was about 12 years old when he hit my mom for the first time. I told him if he ever did that again, he might as well kill me, because if he ever hit my mother again I’d kill him. I had already been thinking about it anyways. I’m glad I didn’t, but it was a real thought I contemplated as a teenager. So you’re def. not alone man. My entire life has been one struggle after another. Seriously, I’ve been through some shit. Found out at 8 or 9 the guy whom was living in my house who I thought was my dad, wasn’t. He was my abusive asshole of a stepfather. My own father didn’t ever care enough to ever come visit, call or even write to me. I’m a bastards child. I never even knew what he looked like. My parents divorced when I was 3. He died the same year I graduated high school. Same year my grandmother died of cancer. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I’ve been through even more shit than that. So you’re not alone man. Well even though I hope you don’t go through with it, if you do I hope you’re at peace. Any chance you didn’t, message me back, I’d like to talk to you.