So for awhile now I’ve been trying to hold on, and I know what I need to do is call a suicide hotline, but today right after school I caught myself looking at pill bottles, freaking pill bottles to see if  a side effect was death.
I just don’t know anymore.
Their is this one girl who I like, and she likes me, and we tell everything to each other. She knows about my depression, self harm and suicide attempt and thoughts, but I don’t think I can ever tell her about today.
Feels like the only place I can freely talk about this stuff […]
think
The longer I live, the more I can’t help but think about how everything has the same fate. There’s a beginning, middle and end. From a term in school, a job, relationship, trip to the doctor’s office and even life. Nothing is forever, but plenty of things appear like they should last that long.
Life is composed of all these short lived events. One after another. They all bring different emotions. I want to know which ones are the best experiences that make you want to hang on for another chapter of life?,
so I there there are a few Buddhists on here and I think it’s honestly a good help. Me along with a lot if other people I’ve talked to get depressed a lot by simply thinking too much. In Buddhism, meditation clears your mind and calms you. it also has a peaceful lifestyle associated with it.
I often think of Buddhism as a philosophy more than a religion. Buddha himself claimed that he was not perfect and his teachings are based more on your opinions while most religions give you specific commands and rules.
I’ve started outlining my memoir. Finally, I’ve gotten going on this and I didn’t have to quit my job or quit school to do it. I’ll just add a little bit to the memoir project every day until it’s done. When it’s done… Then I’m going to get all my loved ones to hate me (so that killing myself will be that much easier). And when I’ve accomplished that, then I can shoot myself without having to think twice and thankfully, the memoir/very long suicide note will be there to explain my behavior.
I’ve lost you and have thus, lost the only person I used to really matter to. How […]
Honestly though, is life really worth it. Constantly being judged and having to go get hair cuts, ugh so much work. I would rather just skip school and watch American Horror Story all day, am I right? Exactly, but that’s not how life works. We need to work for what we have. I am 14 for crying out loud and I am terrified of the future. I have a shitty job at Tim Hortons and get $10 an hour to pour coffee and listen to all my customers ***** and complain that there no donuts and I forgot a spoon with their sandwich, I know right […]
what was i, what have i become. i am only getting more and more corrupted. i wanted to, didn’t i? when i couldn’t find a way out of it, i decided to get more into it. taste of lie, taste of corruption!
“Above all, don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.†– Dostoevsky
i wanted to test it. and i was so confident […]
Fuck that person named Carlos,with his ugly druggy piece of shit,waste of space,self.You disgust me,I spit In the mirror when I see you.Finally Always & Forever Fuck you Carlos.
A month In a half ago,I almost overdosed on pcp.I smoked two wet sticks by myself.I could’ve stopped on the first one but I didn’t feel high enough.That day I had the truck pretty much all day with my friends getting high,drunk and on wet.My friends and I smoked six wet sticks that day.I was pretty messed up driving and stuff but I could still maintain,even long drives on the freeway that night.I went back to the house.I was cleaning the truck and I saw that my friend left to wet sticks In there so I started to smoke them. After the second one I […]
you try to act normal
you don’t want them to know
too ashamed to tell them
you don’t let it show
they think your happy
they think your fine
you try to keep it up
emotions walking the line
you don’t want anyone to ask
yet you wish someone would
you wish someone cared
you wish they could
she doesn’t like you
you don’t blame her though
you don’t like yourself
she still doesn’t know
when they find out
(cant keep it up much longer)
you give in to guilt and shame
and wish you were stronger
ok i typed a book here a bit ago, but apparently it was in the wrong place. Â figures.. Â ok breifly now then here is my story so yall can tell me i have so much to live for.
have never completed any thing. Â highschool i got my ged, army i took medical discharge, college went for 1 semester got screwed by student loans and now 7 years later i still owe 3x the original ammountand my tax returns for the last 5 years have been taken to go towards paying them. Â the longest ive ever had the same job is 1year. Â ive been homeless3-9 months out […]
I was just wondering. Everytime I tell my closest friend (but this is my view of our friendship) what I am feeling, for example last night, I told him that I felt like complete shit and everyone would go along their merry ways if I die without even caring, he just says, ” If that’s what you think then okay.” And the subject stops there. He quickly jumps to another topic and I assume that he doesn’t really wanna hear what I have to say. I try not to get hurt by his words but I feel like it’s just one bigger proof that even […]
So I woke up this morning, and decided I want to be better. Easier said then done, but I’m going to start trying now. I see myself in a better life, better situations and I’m going to work hard for it now.
Bring it on severe depression, I’m finally ready to fight you.
To anyone on the outside looking in, I have a good life. A well paid job in which I hold a senior position; a long term partner with whom i have a gorgeous 4 yr old; a nice home in a quiet, cosy community.
But the turmoil inside me is indescribable. That well paid job? I’m close to losing it because my various depression symptoms are impeding my ability. That long term partner? I’m scared to talk to him about how I feel because he just keeps telling me to suck it up and get over it. My gorgeous child? She is the only reason I’m […]
The Earth and its wonders is really a thing to behold and we are blight upon it. Really everything would be better off if we all suddenly dropped dead. Man, I hate humanity. I hate the way we think and act and just fuck up everything to get ahead in life. We cant even get along amongst ourselves especially when others think even just slightly differently with you. SERIOUSLY. FUCK THIS SPECIES! I mean I think its a simple thing to be nice and the concepts of morality and kindness is almost the same throughout the world BUT WE JUST CHOOSE TO BE ASSHOLES. What […]
I hate myself as a person. so many people make posts about how they’re so angry and so mad at everyone for ruining their lives… not me. I can’t blame anyone for any major bad things in my life… I’ve had it good.
The thing is, I ruined my own life. But you wouldn’t know it to look at it from the outside in. I have a good paying job, happily married, siblings/parents/grandparents all in my life. I don’t deserve my wife or other things in my life, but I’m a naturally flawed and ungrateful person so while I realize I don’t deserve them, that doesn’t […]
I’ve been going out with the same girl for over 5 years. Tonight, when everyone will be sleeping, this is gonna end. Those are simple words. Meaningless words for you all. But you don’t know. Nobody knows. You’re not breathing my absence of air right now. You’re not filled with these sharp sticks inside your stomach. You’re all in your own world and it doesn’t affect you at all. So why am I writting it ?
To distract myself, maybe. To pause the destructive emotions. To use Mr. Brain and forget about Mr Heart for few minutes.
She will cry a lot. She will definitly hate me. She […]
I’ve bin confused lately all i can think about is whether i should kill myself or not i’ve bin so depressed idk why though i feel like im nothing all i feel is pain i can’t stop watching suicidal videos cannot stop thinking about it before i even go to bed i’ve tried i have sharp nails so i scratch myself with them it’s the easiest way to help me instead of cutting myself with a knife. Please i know it sounds stupid coming from me … but if your thinking of suicide please i beg you don’t you have meaning and life in this […]
I’m supposed to be sleeping but bleh. I hate these nights when all that goes through my head is how bad I am, that I am simply a waste of a human being. The people I would call my bestfriends based on others’ definition are people who I can’t vent out on. I can’t tell my family because they won’t even care. How I act is completely different from how I feel, appearing to be bubbly and weird in a funny way. I don’t know how they will see me in this state and how I will be treated. I like to think that I’m […]
OK, before I start I want to say that this IS the absolute truth, none of this is in my head!
I have been having suicidal thoughts for a while now.The only person I have ever told is my big sis.She just says that I should stop acting stupid.She just doesn’t get how I feel.I’m living my life half-asleep. I’m in high school (my sis goes to uni). I just sit through classes, I try to concentrate yet I always end up just staring at my teacher with a blanc mind.I write lyrings on my hands to cheer myself up. I have thought of suicide many […]
That’s pretty much the story of my  life.
i always wonder, why am i so sad?… everything is (or at least seems) fine.
my body works how it’s supposed to, i’ve got a decent house, a family who i think loves me, things have been going rather okay lately, and i have never been through really painful situations….
but no matter what i feel like like there’s something missing…like i’m the odd one everywhere i go.
i hate myself. i hate the way i look, the way i speak, think, live, act….
the truth is i don’t want to die…. but i don’t wanna live either – i just want […]