I’ve thought about this off and on for several years… I think about it and plan I now more than ever. In the past, I attempted constantly, and of course failed just as constantly. (I apologize for any mistakes that may occur as I’m stubbornly using a mobile phone in bed). The one method I keep coming back to is overdosing on alcohol rectally (because my body clearly has a tendency to puke up harmful things. Stupid body). I am a tiny individual. 5″3′ and 98 pounds. I do not drink alcohol on a regular basis (or at all really) and therefore don’t have a […]
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thought
I knew didn’t I? In the moments before I had that first, tiny, dreadful thought, I’m sure I knew. The idea wouldn’t cross my mind and then never come back. That’s not how it works. It’s like when you’re searching for the answer in a trivia game, you get stuck on one thing you know is wrong, but you can’t think past it.
That first thought. The whisperings of death drawing me closer with every incident. I’ve come to accept that even if I make it through this, even if I survive the next 10, 20, 30 years, I might not make it further because I’ve […]
So I think about suicide. I have been thinking about it for years now.
My biggest problem is when someone lies to your face and tells you that its weird to think about suicide. To make a decision on if you do so or not is based on ideas, opinions, or thoughts about suicide.
So yes I do think about suicide everyday. Which isn’t entirely too bad of a thing. For one it led me to this site. To make a decision on not to kill oneself also requires some serious thought. Weighing different outcomes, and evaluating ones life is necessary.
I apologize if I am rambling, but […]
have a nice social buzz going what better time to reach out? today is an anniversary of sorts for me. one year ago today i got felt up by a cop in front of an office full of people. checking for the gun i had recently purchased. in my state i had to wait 3 days to get it. so therefore i didn’t have it yet. the whole incident was traumatizing. and in after thought was a mistake. should have learned to keep my mouth shut. i really don’t know what i was hoping to accomplish. my stay at the nut hut was a waste […]
I didn’t go to prom because of you. I didn’t get my scholarships because of you. I was suicidal because of you. That fake pregnancy scare we had? Your fault. I spent every penny I had because of you. I ruined my relationship with my grandmother because of you. I stole because of you. I thought of being unfaithful because of you. I turned against God because of you. I cried over my online relationship because you couldn’t be good enough for me for me to forget. I graduated with the lowest plan possible because of you, when I was on track to be the […]
Broken smiles say a lot
Sometimes they’re not what you thought
They change a person, make them hide
and then one day you may find that smile was the one that died
They made hold secrets people don’t care to know
They may hide feeling that are so low
Sometimes you may wonder why that smile appears
When they’re full of the taste of tears
You may wonder what does it gain
when it’s so full of pain
These are the smile you don’t ignore
Or theyâ€ll be gone forever more
Give the help and love
Don’t give hate or a […]
Hey, hi, hello. This is my first time using this website. I’m really glad I found It. Well I’m Sam, short for Samantha.
I just got into an awful argument with a boyfriend that I love oh so much. He put me down. We both have gone through the same thing. He however, expects me to become as strong as he is. I’m not, and it’s hard. I’m really weak and a coward. I feel like if I died it would make him happy. I fee like it would make everyone happy. I don’t want to go on knowing one day he thought I was perfect […]
So…guess who’s back? Annabeth is. She left for a week or so, and I was the only person who cared enough about her to continue talking to her while she was gone, since everyone at school believed that she was gone for good. I thought so, too. But now she’s back, and that’s not necessarily a good thing. When I found out she would be returning to live nearby, I was overjoyed. I thought that maybe, just maybe, there would be a chance that she would finally talk to me in real life. That I would mean something to her. Maybe she could actually care […]
Is he just teasing me??? What should I do when I meet him next time???
by snowflake
written by snowflake
Last weekend my family and I went to visit my grandma at hometown. I saw all of my cousins who I haven’t seen for a year or more than we greeted each other but one of my cousins, started to show signs that he maybe is interested in me?
I just want to know if it’s just family love or that he likes me. When I was eating and talking to my mom and sister, and he was on the other side of the room talking to his mom. I occasionally would look to direction he was in and he would be looking at me. A while […]
This is my first post here, so if I do it wrong somehow, I apologize in advanced.
I found this website during winter break when I was in a pretty upset mood and reading the stories on here didn’t help lighten it. But I couldn’t turn away from it. I felt connected to these stories. It was as if someone felt the way I did, even if it was just a little bit. I hear stories all the time about people being bullied and committing or thinking about suicide, but you never hear what their stories are, how they truly feel. That’s what really drew me […]
My life is falling apart, things that I didn’t think could hurt me have managed to get inside my head and I don’t know how to get rid of them. I haven’t open up to anyone because just the thought of it terrifies me. I’ve only ever opened up to one person in my life, she was a therapist and she ended up lying to me and sharing my secrets with people who she knew I didn’t want to hear them.
I wish to be a part of earths journey where people don’t need to visit sites like sp
by addicted
written by addicted
If this is how humans live on this planet, I don’t want to be part of it.
My conscience says that our life can be way better. Each human that sprouts on this earth is special. And has right to get all things that human race developed till now. But it’s not happening.
The first and foremost one must do ” strive for intelligent human beings on earth”. Â or at least let dumb ones know the fact ” He is dumb and don’t deserve to extend his genre”
intelligent: If problems comes, find a best or innovative solution that no one had thought.Â
dumb: If problems comes, suicide or a poetic […]
i dont know anymore. i thought i could recover. i thought i can hold it in and just keep it to myself. to just keep it in all of it. all of the secrets. all of the lies. all of the masks. but i dont know. i dont know if im close to breaking all together. i dont know if im close to just going. i dont know if im close to jumping. i dont know if im backing away from the edge. i dont know who i am anymore. i dont know what personality is which. i dont which smile is which. i dont […]
Last year I was hospitalized (self-admitted) because of severe suicidal ideation. Â I spent a week in an emergency mental health ward and then was released and stayed in a recovery facility.
I’ve been to therapy and still see my therapist. Â I have a psychiatrist and still take my Wellbutrin. Â I’ve had ups and downs, but since I was discharged I haven’t had any more suicidal thoughts…until now.
I’ve worked at CBT, I journal regularly, I don’t isolate, I have a support system. Â My wife is wonderful, and we have a strong relationship. Â I’m close to my two college age daughters. Â I remember how much pain I caused […]
all my life I have been the freak, the weird one, the one nobody wanted to be friends with. people would look at me and laugh, call me ugly make me feel uselss. fat ugly weird scary whore slut emo, were only some of the names….
grade 2 was when it started. I never realy knew what it was, and I thought it was all a joke, I dident really care, cuz hey I was young. grade 4 was when it hit me, this is bullying. I never wanted to tell anyone because I was scared it would make it worse. the names that I was called […]
I thought I once knew who or what you are. I am not stupid; I can see the wondrous universe and all of its beautiful order and structure and I know this did not happen by chance. But all I know of you now is the pain you think I and others need. I awaken every day with my addictions to something better and my burning desire to leave my broken body and relieve the searing burn of my broken spirit. I am through begging a higher power for delivery. I am done feeling the compulsion to dig an artery out of one of my […]
Sometime I just wanna kill myself but people are in my way and I cant do anything but I really don’t want to live anymore here,i hate the fact that everyone talks behind my back and they were the ones I thought are always their for me.And it hurts a lot like I really don’t wanna be here .
Its been a really long time since I posted here. I thought, maybe I was getting better or stronger, but I was kidding myself, pretending to be happy in case the semblance eventually turned into something real. I try to be rational and tell myself I am not worthless, I am not ugly, I am not stupid, and I actually believe myself for a fraction of time. Then I go outside and try to interact with people and am reminded of how I have nothing to offer anyone. What am I missing that makes someone appealing to another human being? How did I get to […]
It seems to be a lot easier to share things here than it is in real life, so- to mark the fact I have put on half a stone (which makes me feel quite disgusting) I really wanted to share my depression and eating disorder story. There’s definitely a lot more to it than an emotionally abusive relationship, but that’s the shortest, and easiest, explanation. I must have been about 14 when I first started going out with this guy. I was at that awkward age where I was terribly unsure about myself and hopelessly desperate for acceptance. That acceptance came in the form of […]
Suicide- I’ve thought of it before. They say it’s never the answer. The answer to what? To the struggle? To the pain? They’ll tell you that it gets better with time. But what if, in an attempt to make life better, or be patient, we went up messing up even more? It is really easy to give advice. But the truth is, that no one knows what we are feeling except us. We are afraid, of what life holds for us. It may be better, but it may also get worse. This ‘may’ starts us off. We can’t take the risk. Really, suicide is the […]