I don’t want to go back to school and be bullied even more, and yet i’m still here on this planet. What’s worse, the look on my foster families faces when they see my dead body or the daily torment of bullies?
Tag:
tomorrow
Sometimes I feel out of place, and messy. I’m not sure if I’m meant to be here, not sure if I’m meant to survive. I’ve made mistakes and I try to own them and incorporate change into my life. Others make errors and i try to forgive but not forget. I try to combat these repetitive thoughts that tell me I should go home and lay in bed or stay home and lay in bed or lay on the floor for an hour or two or until my heart feels less heavy.
I feel stuck often but the medication might actually be helping this time. This […]
I am frightened of what tomorrow will bring. I wish I had a cyanide cap.
Yes I got the title from Doug Stanhope (one of dopest). I felt it very appropriate considering how I plan to end it all. Sept. 14th my birthday. Perfect. I don’t wish to go into the details of my heart ache, I just want the pain and loneliness to cease. One shotgun from Walmart $150, box of shells $10, alleviation from thirty four years of emotional upheaval fucking priceless.
I cannot believe it but I’m at the point where I’m just willing to accept my death. if it comes tomorrow, day after, in the next 5 years even better!Some people say it gets better. for me it never has and now that i’m tired of hoping and trying to work so it does. I am willing to accept that death will be better than this existence. i dont know about afterlife, rebirth and shit. what happens then is another chapter but for now.. Death! i welcome you!
My birthday is tomorrow and I find myself researching ways to kill myself. I have felt suicidal since I was 7, yet I always convinced myself that tomorrow would be better. I have lived this lie for 19 years. I’m sick of it.
I tried to jump out of a moving car on Wednesday night. My fiance stopped me. When I thought about how horrible it would have been for him to see me like that, it made me feel so wretched.
I am an abuser. I abuse him like my parents abused me. I don’t hit him, but I hurt him with my existence. I am […]
My hands are shaking, I don’t know why
I’ve been here before
Yet for some reason I can’t help but cry
New doors, but all of them so far away
The old ones are slowly closing
And they call out strongly my name
What will become of me?
I cannot be sure
But I know there is no cure for what I am
So simple yet so complex
I am unable to see through the fog
And I’m afraid I’m destined to choose wrong
One bad door is all it will take
One wrong move, one mistake and I know
I’ll end up where I have been before
I reach […]
It’s like some kind of sick movie. I was all ready to go through with my plan tomorrow and be done with it all, but today at work it was like he knew what I was thinking and was trying to save my life. He just kept making me laugh, but that’s easy considering how I am around him. We played around with each other like we were 5 years old, spinning chairs and all. After work he even drove me to my car cause it was parked farther away. I’ve had a crush on him for less than a month, and as crazy as it […]
Well. Those 3 days I spoke about prior are up. The stage is set. I’ve never been so goddamn fucking nervous in my life. Should I back out last minute or fail, you have my word I will be back tomorrow to explain what went wrong. Gotta be strong, determined. This is what I want.
goodluck and godspeed
Frank
In fleeting moments, all is good.
But it never stays,
It always decays.
I fear I may never be understood.
Through the thick smoke, I see hope.
But to reach it, means effort,
Something in short supply.
Use too much, fail too often, makes you wanna die.
The inability to express haunts me.
Regrets in the past taunt me.
“What if, What if” clouds my mind
As I try and fail to leave it behind.
I might get through this,
Everything is fine right now.
But what about tomorrow?
Maybe it’s easier to cut my losses and take a bow.
It has been three month now. And The hardest thing wasnt trying to suicide myself, but The month that came after i survived it. It has been a daily fight Of will, wanting to do things, even waking up. At The beggining i didnt understand all The situation and what it meant to be still alive, but nos The only thing i have to say is that im exhausted. Bits a never ending fight and effort to be and behave like normal when you know it is not. Trying to fight this and sin this dar is more difficult han living and never trying to […]
Anyone else ? I have been diagnosed with paranoia, Im a pretty crazy girl. I think extreme things and with mental illness it becomes hard to live, because people dont know why are you acting that way..they dont get it, I cried yesterday because i thought my friend was going to leave me, but there was nothing like that, im worried all the time, im taking medications to calm myself down, its hard to live like this, how do i act normal like everyone ? little things push me to suicide, i like the idea of death, i like how they put the dead bodies […]
Just saw a preview for the movie, If I Stay. Seems that a girl gets into an accident and she is left to decide whether to live or die. Then, she probably gets a glimpse of the life she would lead if she chooses to stay.
I wish I could see how my life would turn out if I stayed. I already made the decision to die but I am still here. Some days I am planning for my death and others I act as if I am going to live to 90. It is actually quite exhausting to live in two extremes.
It is crazy because […]
Hello Everyone!
This is my first post on this site and I just want to start off saying that I am 17 years old. I am just here because I can’t understand exactly how your pain is but I can tell you how mine was/is and how I got through it. There is people out there that when you tell them that you have been thinking about suicide they say, Oh I know how you feel. No you don’t…
The first thoughts of suicide came when I was around 13 or 14 years old.
Through all of the people that I have known, having it be Real Life […]
Im not going, who else are skipping work and college/school because of this tiredness? I dont think I can face people, Im listening to slipknot and wondering about several things, I dont think I can make it, My college doesnt take it seriously everyone skips but they dont have mental illness as the reason, the weather is all suicidal… its dark outside and im in a mood of death
So this is life?
This is the great mystery?
When every day is so predictably painful that I see no point in waking again?
What have they told you? That life isn’t fair? They know not the half of it.
Voices. Voices whose mouthes I cannot find speak to me, they speak my mind, my mind, my mind will not stay it’s breath, oh why won’t it let me be?! I cannot think clearly for these clouds of despair block my vision to a brighter tomorrow that they say exists out there.
With every day the same tragedy and the memory of what I used […]
March, August first.
Another block.
If by chance, by tomorrow night.
I thought, now all that is left.
To the death.
Rendered in shredder.
There are no souls on the black side.
Like the bat, face your fears.
No matter, I will go.
From underneath.
Drag my own chain.
Rubble, run away to zero.
The table and the plant, welcomes.
From the ground, the old man says.
There’s yellow-***.
Tourbillion, the air disperse.
I was never there, my life never existed.
The forever melancholy.
To destroy “Babylon.”
Grace of death; resurrect.
Welcome to the funk.
Posted in here weeks ago, had severe depression from chronic pain and could see no end.
Out of the blue I was contacted by someone who wants the same as me, but for different reasons.
Was a total shock to me to even get a response and to speak to someone so determined to go through with it.
They are interstate and will be travelling up tomorrow to work out the details of how/when etc.
I’m not trying to use reverse psychology or guilt anyone here. I seriously am saying, “Don’t mind me…” I just want to complain for a couple sentences to make myself feel better. If you don’t wanna read the complaints of a tired, sick, and crabby person, keep moving. Don’t mind me.
I become very very needy when I am sick. I’ve begun to notice that as I sit here constantly complaining about being frozen and then instantly throwing blankets off because I’m too hot. I “LOVE” being sick…<—That was sarcasm. I think i’ve settled on the notion that i’ve got the flu. Yippie! End sarcasm. Every […]
Life itself is meaningless.. no real reason to try.. at anything, even goals set in strive…. plummet like an insignificant shirker…
Ugh… the joys of yesterdays tainted upon tomorrow’s dread..
A life lived in agony and deceit..
No real reason for posting.. possibly the inevitable delay in death which isnt of my own hands… if only… such strength would allow me.. yet ties to this forsaken earth keep me from spreading the wings of death
What real point do I have here?
There isnt one… take it in strife and do not reply but yet grant me the serenity to express that which needs forclosure… that which is this life………
“Meh […]
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