Im paranoid

Anyone else ? I have been diagnosed with paranoia, Im a pretty crazy girl. I think extreme things and with mental illness it becomes hard to live, because people dont know why are you acting that way..they dont get it, I cried yesterday because i thought my friend was going to leave me, but there was nothing like that, im worried all the time, im taking medications to calm myself down, its hard to live like this, how do i act normal like everyone ? little things push me to suicide, i like the idea of death, i like how they put the dead bodies on the ground, and the body is motionless and free, I like it how people after death dont have to deal with anything. paranoia has made me completely insane, i have no control over my mind or body, it has taken over. Im also bipolar so what i say today may not be what i will say tomorrow, im ever changing, i hate someone for a moment and i get confused then i start loving them, my emotions are quick as fire, and nothing i say is stable. i say totally different things, i behave like there is a hurricane coming, im unstable, and im ashamed.