How long until it gets better? I have struggled with bipolar depression for the last 2 years, severely. I wake up and I think about dying, I go to sleep and I think about dying. I just moved so I don’t have a therapist or psychiatrist yet but I have had both and went to them both every single time. Therapy once a week and the psychiatrist as needed. It’s not like I have done nothing to fix me… I even admitted my OWN self into the hospital to get better. I’m still sooooo severely depressed. No matter what I do it has not seem […]
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trying
There’s a line graph I’m looking at. It’s running in a web page. This line represents an experiment I did where I had an app ask me six times a day how I felt on a scale from 0 to 100. Roughly a month ago I hit zero for the first time and I’m looking at all these other sections of the line because there’s surely a pattern in here somewhere.. I finally caught it! I caught one of my suicidal thoughts in its most raw and natural forms with tons of preceding data.
I really didn’t know what to make of all this data. […]
Ever wonder if it’s so hard to get rid of depression because maybe that’s just who you are?
I know I have constant inner dialogue with my depressed self trying to be rational and prevent the reactive sabotage I know is inevitably coming.
If I have been this way my entire life why it would reasonable to think I am going to wake up one day and feel different.
It’s not for lack of trying. I have tried meds, counseling, exercise, support groups, going out alone to network, traveling alone since I could wait forever for a travel buddy to turn up. I really put myself out there.
I […]
You could look at your family right now and judge them just by looking at them because no one knows their family better than a outsider. I’m the type of person who doesn’t talk much, but feels a lot. Keeps everything in and listens to others. Having parents who smoke weed and drink alcohol everyday, gives you a different look on things. You mature faster, but don’t make good decisions. I smoke weed and yet my parents tell me not to. They think I don’t know about it but actually I take their weed and call them hypocritical. I’ve cut myself and I’m not proud […]
My colleague at work was upset so I asked her what was amiss.
She said her mother was extremely emotional and trying to console a friend.
“Her friend found her son hanging in the closet.”
I was stunned, but not by the fact the friend’s son had hung himself in his closet. I was a bit taken aback that I had recognized the method mirrored my own exit plan but, more notably, more so at the lack of sympathy for the family. Instead, I felt what I have identified as…
Jealousy for the gentleman…
It has become clear I’m ready. I didn’t expect the realization would be so anticlimactic. Then […]
Almost a year ago I tried to kill myself after my husband of 23 years dumped me. I had alcohol and Xanax and felt that was a way to tell him f*ck you. I ended up in ICU for a day then the nuthouse for two more. After I got out he left me alone by myself for a day and half until my sister got here. I could barely walk but he didn’t care. Since then I have been trying to cope with the whole situation but its hard after finding out he was engaged to another woman before we were even divorced. My […]
im sad, but trying to live for my gf and her son. I have no friends and im lonely and bored anyone wanna talk? i dont care about what.
I didn’t ask for any of this. I was born and my path was thrust upon me. I am not looking for your approval or sympathy because I simply no longer give a fuck. I hate people. I started out as a kid does; Innocent and gullible. I didn’t realize that I would be despised by family and friends for recieving gifts that I DID NOT ask for. I don’t believe in evolution but I am not religious in any manner. I was probably the MOST DEPRESSED PERSON on this site a few years ago. I have been here a while… I hate life and […]
So Andrei and I conceived this piece about 3 months ago, we both recorded our parts about 2 months ago, but we’ve had the track in post-production since then. This will definitely appear to music pretty soon, but we both thought that it could stand okay raw for people that like poetry.
As always, the poem is below for people that like to read along.
You’re Gone
[Bullfrog]
I loved everything about you,
From your nervous smile to the way your face would flush without warning when you felt the slightest bit uncomfortable.
And since you’ve gone there’s just some little things,
Sensory memory triggers of the joy […]
I have been in hell for a few months and stumble here by chance. I’ve been looking suicide and stuff and came across this little paradise people just like me….in hell every waking hour and desperate for a bit of peace. I downloaded the peaceful pill book yesterday and was horrified and both amazed at its simplicity of it all. I’m in my mid forties, have two growing kids, a failing marriage, and a lover which I adore and have been seeing for a year and a bit for it seems he’s getting tired of me and I’m getting tired of so much unhappiness. I’ve […]
So the past few days have been hard anyway……I forgot to take my lithium….the bad thoughts were relentless. And then I find out that my husband cheated on me with this whore. ….again. and then he told me he wanted a divorce. Bad thoughts in overdrive. I took a couple klonopin and lay down but I can’t sleep…….I feel like such a failure. What did I do wrong this time? I have tried so many different meds, hoping one will work. I have been on the unit, in partial and aftercare…..trying to get better, trying to make it work. And now, there is no reason […]
Does anyone ever feel like the only enemy they ever have to worry about is themselves? Like seriously.. The mirror is the only real opponent. You stare at yourself in it, and then you just pick out all your flaws. Sometimes, on a good day, you can see some good things but other days all you can see is the things you hate the most about yourself and you wish that change were possible.. Of course then changing you’d hate the person you became then..
Ever feel like your mind is trying to kill you? Like you just hate yourself and everything about yourself? Like you’re […]
I absolutely hate it when people say things like “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem” or “it gets better” or “everyone has hard times, you just have to get past it”. I totally understand that most people who say these things have great intentions, and are just trying to make me feel better or inspire me to keep living and I 100% am grateful for that, for them trying to help, for them trying to understand but that doesn’t make those sayings sound any less stupid to me. And that’s not to say that I don’t love the people saying those things […]
Okay so I’ve been thinking about suicide a lot recently. Actually I was online trying to see what over the counter medicine would be best to overdose with… and then I came upon this site. I figured I might as well talk to you guys on here and see what you think since I can’t talk to anyone that I really know without them wanting to not be around me and trying to avoid me like I have a disease or something. Ok so Im 17, I first tried to kill myself when I was 13 but over dosing on seroquil, obviously it didn’t work […]
I am quiet because it pushes normal people away and attracts the ones who will understand. I cut because I like the way it feels. I am addicted to the pain. I don’t feel like myself if I can’t see a scar. I am emo. If you ask how I am I will say I’m fine, because you can’t understand. I used to be like you. I’m human, just a strange type. If I could only take off the mask you could see me. But the problem is, I don’t remember what I am without putting on a show. If I were to tell you […]
I am looking for a way to commit suicide easily but i didn’t find a way. there is always hard to find a easy way even for dying. Life never give us easy choices, Life is giving me hard choices live with regrets as a looser or die. are these only options or there is another option but i can’t see it because there is so much darkness around me. maybe there is some other way , trying to find new hope trying to push my self for keep fighting not to loose hope. every day i wake up for finding new hope and every […]
I dont know what to do with myself. My mother told me i failed every class of my sophmore year, that im a failure, stupid, a waist of time, that im on the right way of being homeless. She tells me i cant go to summer school cause she doesnt want to waist her time and that i have to get a job to help myself from now on. I live right down from my school, about one hour walk. I can do it myself. I dont need her to help me. She said i dont get a second chance so i say”But thats the […]
This is just a question that I don’t think I could answer myself, but I never understood why people would look for a suicide partner? Is it because they are scared to do it by themselves? Is it so they could be less lonely? I don’t know having a partner with me would make me feel like I was responsible for someones death. I hope I don’t sound judgy because I am honestly not trying to be. I am just genuinely curious.
u all have become my friends here. i just want to say thank you. i am trying to get help, but i fear i may do something drastic before then. know that i gave life my all friends. i hope my girlfriend and son understand one day. im trying to get help, but i fear its too late.
It has been awhile since I thought about something remotely close to the end of my life cycle, but I don’t think I can see that far ahead. I doubt anyone can, unless, of course, one is terminally ill and the end is really nigh. In fact, things in my life have been so randomly confusing or misleading, that sometimes, it feels better to keep my eyes closed; to look inward beyond the void of nothingness; to find a piece of serenity through meditation; to feel the weightlessness of sleep only to wake up in what appears to be a dream. Sometimes, I wake up […]