Almost a year ago I tried to kill myself after my husband of 23 years dumped me. I had alcohol and Xanax and felt that was a way to tell him f*ck you. I ended up in ICU for a day then the nuthouse for two more. After I got out he left me alone by myself for a day and half until my sister got here. I could barely walk but he didn’t care. Since then I have been trying to cope with the whole situation but its hard after finding out he was engaged to another woman before we were even divorced. My kids seem to talk to him more than me. Work sucks because it feels like they don’t want me there. I’ve been there almost 18 years and I have people who’ve only been there 7 months talking down to me like I don’t know what I’m doing. When I talk to my “friends” at work I get the feeling they don’t listen or don’t want to hear what I say. I feel unwanted by some family and friends. I feel invisible at work because I don’t kiss butt like a lot of them. Most days I fantasize about ending it all but the only bad part of that is the thought of my daughter finding my body. I’ve gotten back on Lexapro and hopefully it helps. Life sucks
4 comments
They say the best revenge is to just be happy. If this ex husband was engaged well before your divorce then he was toxic anyway. I can’t say anything on this post that will make you feel better but I will say that I don’t have any kids of my own but when I think of suicide I instantly cry because I can imagine my sisters being utterly heart broken when hearing the “news”.
I can see that your kids would be heart broken as well. A good motivator would be to imagine them happy and growing old with their mom also knowing the fact that their mom got them there 😉
It still hurts very much. They were married the day after my mom died. I accidentally see pictures pop up on Facebook because that woman is my daughters “friend” there. I know its really bad but I often hope Karma kills him. He became diabetic when he was deciding if he wanted to stay married or not so I think Karma is already getting him
Does sound like karma, maybe this new wife is made of sugar? 😉
Hi. I’m sorry to hear about your struggles. I hope the meds will help. Are you still in counseling? It really helped me when I was suicidal and cutting. Also, it might help to do family sessions if you’re able to. From experience, when I was in my deepest depression it made the people around me very uncomfortable and standoff-ish. It wasn’t until I was out of the depression that I was able to look back and see how negative, cold, and disengaged I had been to people. So, in my case it was me and them. I hope that can give you another perspective.
I truly hope things get better for you. You are good enough, special enough, and worthy of the greatest things life has to offer on your own. I think once you figure that out everything else will start to fall into place.