I’ve been waiting for years, for just a little bit of peace in my life. I have been trying to find my way, to make different decisions to help better my life. I have cut out a lot of negative people from my life, and despite having done that I’m still not happy not even a little. It feels like I’m in some sort of in between, sometimes I look up and see my life and wonder how I got here. I started crying again because I just don’t understand why I can’t find peace. I can’t stop loving or missing people from my past, […]
Tag:
trying
Every morning I wake up and it’s the same: I’m still alive. Sometime I wake up and cry, other times I sit up and hold in the pain afraid my mother or brother will notice it. Some days I don’t get up. I skip school and lie in bed looking at the ceiling or sleeping, trying to escape reality. I hear as my mother walks into my room and asks worriedly if I think it’s normal to stay in bed all day and all I can do is nod. I don’t have the strength to get out of bed and face life. All I can […]
Everything is piling up on me, and it seems like when I get one issue sorted out, there are 5 new ones added to the queue. I quit both of my jobs earlier this year with the intent to move to Boston, but I got mono (for the THIRD time…how is that even possible???) and I ended up having to scratch any semblance of moving plans. I just got my old job at a cafe back, and though the majority of the staff missed me, it seems like everything is harder for me. Not physically. Something is itching at the back of my brain. There’s […]
I’m trying to keep myself self for my mum and dad
 but it getting harder to do so
I wish this feeling could go away and stay away
I NEED HELP
but sometimes I cart see way
I’ve tried and tried but the feeling never goes away
I know this is a cliche, but I think that if I had a significant other, it would makes thing a lot better. I feel like I just need someone to care about what I’m doing or someone to make me feel better and happy. Just someone exciting. And I think I may have found someone, but I’m still trying to figure out if I like him or if I’m just in love with the idea of being in love. I guess for now I can say that I’m infatuated by him. We’ll see what happens but, for now, I should probably consider having an actual […]
I’ve been depressed on and off for about four years. I was in love with a good guy friend of mine. He moved away for a year and began dating his childhood best friend. About a year later I met a guy I liked. He was smart and funny in a dorky way. Things got complicated and it didn’t work out. This is when I first began to experience my depression. I listened to music most of the time, slept long hours, and neglected my homework and chores. I became a recluse. For months I was in a haze, but one day I snapped out […]
I’m just your average 13 year old girl. Trying to fit in with society. Trying to be perfect. But, perfection isn’t what I want anymore. I want to be saved.
In 6th grade (Last year) I was bullied. I cried to my teachers, principals and everything. They clearly didn’t care. Such names as Hoe, Slut, whore, ugly, fat, ugly, fake. I didn’t realize what I did to earn this. But, there was nothing I could do. I had about 15 good friends.
I have thought about cutting/ harming myself, but I haven’t. Not until this year.
Back in October, I was bullied even more. I cried every single day. I […]
Two days ago I did my first “test”.In other words I just checked everything in order to assure I’ll be able to commit suicide in the day I chose.I highly recommend those ones who are planning to kill themselves to do a “test” first.For example, my parents had went out when I was testing and I thought I was alone, but suddenly a neighbour came in and I almost got caught trying get the gas tank to my room (In our neighbourhood things work like this, everyone can enter the other’s house and just say : “I’m coming in!”.We’re big friends).So, the gas tank contains […]
Don’t have a headache but took two headache pills that contained aspirin in the hopes of maybe thinning my blood some before I cut. I didn’t last night, but I’m going to do some experimenting tonight.
Doubt it’s gonna work and I’m gonna get globs of coagulated blood on my arm again.
Ah well. I’ll just take some more next time. Then more. And more. Then sit in a nice hot tub. And sleep.
You know what’s funny is my friend texted me today saying her boyfriend is having suicidal thoughts and I’m over here trying to give advice like a damn hypocrite. I told her a […]
There is this internal conflict that keeps occurring more and more frequently. My feelings are trying to resurface and my numbness is trying to fight it away. I have the strangest dreams but they reflect those feelings I won’t allow myself to feel when I’m awake. When I’m dreaming I do feel them even if it’s just a pinch, but I feel it. And I wake up with the Reminence of those feelings and I don’t know what to do. These feelings for the most part have to do with one person in particular and I wish I could talk to this person but I […]
Hey kiddo, I don’t know if you still wander around this site (you know who you are), but if you do I wanted to tell you something. Your great grandma died on this day sixteen years ago, I wish she would have had the chance to know you. She would have loved you so much, she never judged people who think like us. She would have told you how wonderful you are and given you a million and one reasons to never give up. I miss her and she isn’t here to say those things to you, but I am. I love you so much, […]
stop.
why can’t I stop playing this in-between. I’m not getting any better, I CAN’T get any better until certain things happen that just aren’t happening, that are out of my reach. And I can’t end it either. Why the fuck can’t I just do one or the other?
NO it’s not a matter of positive thinking. NO it’s not like I don’t know what I need. I know what I need and I can’t fucking GET it. That’s the problem. Why don’t I just MAKE the attempt so that they HAVE to listen?
No, I’m not making it up. No, doing fucking yoga isn’t going to help. […]
Just a few minutea ago i had a big fight with my mom, one of the most biggest fights we ever had, this was the second time that in a fight, i do selfharm, i feel it is a way to calm a little, i don’t want to, i was trying to let it behind, but i’m too weak, too stupid to get over it.
I thought I knew what I was going to do in life, but now I don’t really know anymore. All my life has been laid out by my parents long before I knew what I wanted. I’m so close to giving up, and I don’t know what is keeping here. Trying to be the best all the time has gotten tiring, and I just don’t care about anything anymore. The only reason I’m here is because I’m scared of what happens it I don’t succeed. All of this seems so pointless and I just want to give up …..
It’s been six months since I last cut myself. I tried to abandon self-harming because my parents threatened me to kick out from the house. I succeed but I just wanna do it again. I feel like cutting myself could ease the pain away again. I’m so fed up with my life. Every time I bottle up my feelings or thoughts, I will be crazy and numb sometimes. I have no one to talk to. When I try, they (family &friends) just turn their backs away from me. They would even call me “attention-whore” although all I really want is to get help from someone (not […]
Fuck….I don’t even remember lastnight. Only woke up an hour before work, suffered through, now I’m home in the dark silence trying to feel better. Getting drunk off my ass was fun and all, but I’m not enjoying the aftermath
So, here is a little introduction to myself.
I’m a teenage girl and I’ve probably suffered from mild depression since I was in the fourth grade; right around the time I moved schools. This has been a constant struggle for me in myself that I’ve mostly struggled through alone. I’ve never really had that support team or someone who I could talk to this about so this has been something I’ve bottled up inside for years. I mean sure, I’ve been I was in and out of the occasional therapy for some time and my family knows about it but it’s never been something I’ve […]
Well, up until summer of ’11, everything was going alright. Yes, I was still your average 6th grader. Bullied and all. But, my parents were also dealing with divorce. Their fighting kept me up at night. Which, eventually started my cutting habits. After their papers were signed and our house was sold, everything got worse. My dad ended up being obsessed with my mom. She bought a house and he would drive past it everyday. He’d go to her work and sit in the parking lot. Â He would text and call her non-stop. Well, my mom got a boyfriend which caused my dad to eventually […]
I’m so sick of you trying to fix me, i don’t need your help and i don’t want it. You doesn’t understand how much i already fucking hate myself and how i hate every single thing i do, how i act, look, speak, everything. AND YET you still fucking point out every little fucking imperfection. “stop laying down on your bed and using your laptop” “do something productive” “clean your room” “read a book” ” how are you going to get honour if you don’t work your ass off even though you’re just in grade 9 and nothing matters, but still work your ass of […]
I can’t help myself. I’m just a bad masochist gay person. I want to die… Everything is pain … I have a sick thoughts. I remeber the days when i was trying to chase my brother just to satisfy him sexualy. And he’s calling me names … Devil and so on etc … I wish and hope that this is just a bad dream or a nightmare …
I just want to sleep … For God’s sake …