I dont even know where to start. Actually, i do want to start by saying this site and all who do respond and comment have given me strength to try and better myself. Thank you all. But life doesnt like when i start to fix myself, unfortunately.
Today was just so overwhelming. I stopped getting on here for about a wk just to focus completely on me and i thought i was getting better. My husband/fiance whatever told me we had an appt with our counselor and i HAD to go. I didnt want to but i he kept insisting that nothing bad was […]
Tag:
trying
Any tips on how to remain positive? I’ve been trying but I always seem to get lost in the sadness, loss, and self hatred.
I’ve been a shy person most of my life. It was when I entered college that I felt outgoing for the first time in my life. I’ve always thought my shyness came from an underlying fear of losing someone that I know (i.e. a friend, family member, etc.) My first experience with loss was when I was 5 years old. My brother was only 18 years old and died from a drowning accident. More recently, this past December 12th, I lost my mother. What bothers me the most about my mother’s passing is that her cause of death is unknown. The autopsy reports should be […]
Well, I guess you can say I’m contemplating suicide. I’ve been through a lot I suppose and I’m not sure how to handle it anymore. I’ve attempted suicide before, when I was around 11 or 12. I was too young to realise it took more effort then what I put in. And now that I’m older I realise that it might be best to just end my life. I know that I will hurt people, and that isn’t my intention, I love my friends, my family, my boyfriend. But I don’t want to lose my grandparent’s trust, or ruin my boyfriend’s life or not be […]
am i stable
no
am i okay
no
am i fine
no
im not doing okay
im not doing fine
must you be worried about me?
must you care about me?
we all know
im trying my best
to recover
we all know
im trying in my own way
to recover
we all know
we all have special ways
to recover
this is mine
i know its not
the best way
but its my way
and maybe it’ll work.
I don’t know what to say. it’s been a few months since I was last on here. I felt pretty bad. Months later, I feel better and worse at the same time. It’s hard to concentrate. This calm, dull inertia seems to have crept over me. the days pass in a blur of unfeeling, which is almost worse than the pain. Focusing on my work has helped some. I hide and ignore the world. My family continues to fall apart, and I’m glad I’m not there, but I feel terrible for feeling that way. honestly, I want this all to be over somehow. But that […]
I’ve wanted to commit suicide ever since I was 12 and before then I couldn’t really understand the true concept of depression I’d just see it as me being sad all the time. Cutting started becoming my escape from the world because I’d just feel pain and relief at the same time…now I’m just numb from all the suffering I’ve been through and quite frankly the world doesn’t give a shit whether I live or die….right now I’m on the verge of trying to commit suicide again and all I know is that only my family will feel sorrow…..my friends will be sad and bow […]
I wasted 34 years of my life because of abuse, or rather they were stolen from me, first child and teenage abuse, in every possible way, then emotional abuse, neglect, indifference, put down, diminished, eradicated, what was an half-empty shell became a dead zombie shell. I freed myself … for a while. Sooner or later had to get back to the familiar, inviting more abuse, meddling with dangerous bad evil people, trying to fight, win…. in the end only time in company of evil, ugliness … monsters. Unable to stop it, overwhelmed and distraught, lost … so tired …exhausted… have had enough
Living like a loser, […]
I’m tired of it all. Tired of everything. im sickand tired of hoping, of trying, of fighting foranything anymore. I don’t see the point. I’mtired of people saying things get better, sayingthat xyz will happen just be patient. I’m tired of people not understanding-of just saying I’m overreacting to little things. I’m tired of notfitting in, I’m tired of hating myself, I’m tired ofhating people, I’m tired of hating life. I’m tired of everything in life being sugar coated, I’m tired of the lies, I’m tired of false hopes. I don’t want to do it anymore. im just so tired and done with everything. i don’t want to think anymore. i don’t want to be me, i dont want tolive life, i dont want to be in this life or this world. im tired of just trying to keep myself from reaching an actual point where im ready to follow through with suicide.
i dont want to be. i just want it all to stop. idon’t want to deal. i wish i could just putmyself in a self-induced coma. i dont want tobe stuck alone anymore in this body with mythoughts trapped in this world. i cant do itanymore…i dont even know why im not throughouly suicidal right now. i can’t do it anymore….i don’t want to do it. i don’t want to try or pretend to be okay for some period of time just to end up right back here again. i just deceive myself and latch on to false hopes and stupid fantasies to get by…im done
Just read a highly inspiring post called “Why are you still here?”. That is a great question, why are we (hurt, abused, heart broken, destroyed, ready to give up on life) still here? Everyone has a reason, everyone has a PURPOSE. It took a lot for me to find that out. I’m pretty depressed right now, it has actually gotten worst as this new year came in, nothing has gone right everything is turning for the worst. Dreams, memories, everyday experiences all going wrong. Came on here to read over my posts to see how far I’ve gotten, but that one post caught my eye […]
I think we all know the feeling of sitting in the corner of your dark, lonely room. Trying not to wake your parents as tears slowly drown you. As you start to see the sun rise you get up off the floor. You wipe your tears and start with your day. You fake getting up and getting ready to look pretty. You head off to school and act like everything is fine and you laugh and smile. But on the inside you know it’s not okay. No one knows you cried all last night. No one would even guess that. You head home. You lock […]
it’s very easy to say don’t expect and be happy but no matter what the ones we love.. we expect from them or some things are expected from us and no matter what you do your whole life trying to fulfill those expectations..you fall short! you disappoint and you feel really fckd up inside like you aint good enough and slowly slowly that takes over your mind and consumes you and you realize that it’s better to die than not be good enough!
been trying to hold this in for 9 hours … but my muscles hurt from my face to my feet from trying to disguise my body language and my brain hurts… i can logically divulge that things are moving in a good direction for me, soooo this makes no sense that i feel so bad. gawd what a damn struggle!!! its so exhausting to push myself through this day so far! i cant even… there are awful things happening to other people, not me, not anyone that i personally know…… why the fuck am i going through this?!? im satisfied helping out where im […]
” Except some 10% of humans, remaining all are just meat bags
I really don’t know from where these 90% humans getting motivation for living
These 10% of humans at least leaving some footprint on earth. they may be remembered for next 100 or 200 years
But remaining 90% humans, No one knows what they really trying to do with life. simply assisting that 10% of humans.
Out of this 90%, some realized the fact and in dilemma whether to commit suicide or not. Average humans who are non suicidal are  just foolish ”
Question is: Â If an average person* with strong self convincing power is living happily, isn’t he […]
I dont know how many of you feel misunderstood by sheeple and what I like to call educated fools. My life has been filled with sexual abuse at a young age. Being brought into the world by an unstable 14 year old mother who really has horrible choice in men. Family that’s in denial of their sick and twisted faults and continue to pass on the demons from generation to generation instead of cutting the head off the snake. Mental illness and being able to read people for who they really are but still give them the benefit of the doubt because of […]
What rule did my most recent post violate for it to be deleted? I’m pretty sure it was flagged by people who have a motive in disrupting something they dislike from someone they dislike… Its fine though… The room will still come to fruition… Flagging my post just shows you’re (not the sp admins) worried about me doing so and you’re trying to prevent it… Ah well nice try though…
“The greatest people are not those that strive to be like everyone else, the greatest people are those that strive to reach above and beyond everyone else.” Don’t spend too much of life trying to fit in and conforming to everyone else (unless thats truly wat u love) your time and effort are better spent doing other things.
Why shouldn’t I take all these pills? They stare at me with open arms and take my pain away. My weak soul is tempted beyond measure. I can’t break this habit, I’ve been trying for nearly 3 weeks, but my relapse seems to be nearing. But relapse to me is just repeating my old habit. I’ve tried to be strong but my mind is very weak, I rely on these tiny capsules.
I am holding them in my hand now, large and tiny, different brands of who know’s what. This is what I have become.
What Have you All Become? Please Comment.
I know nobody here reads my stuff but i still write hoping it helps my thought process. I told him everything sat night and of course he didnt take me seriously. I even had the gun cocked and ready and he just ignored me then took the gun when i had laid it down because i was crying. The next day he put it back where i had it like nothing happened. Why doesnt anyone take me seriously? Or am i that much of a failure that i really wont succeed in taking my own life either and its that obvious i suck at everything […]
how about we all contact another member when we are ready? the chosen member should already know how they are feeling so no qualms on trying to talk them out of it. that person would be a ‘safety’ person just in case the attempt isn’t successful, to help the process along. I’m sure there’s legal lines on it, however if neither tells, then no harm no foul… right?