Tag:

trying

Advice Please…

by Thesuicidalfreak 1/31/2014

written by Thesuicidalfreak

I am sort of in a conundrum and I would like advice.

I guess Iâ€™ll start at the beginning. I am in a group of friends that are all dating(or at least have someone), and they were trying to set me up with people. They think that me getting a boyfriend would somehow cure my depression. Well I got set up with this guy. He is a lot like me, he is battling depression and is super awkward.

But I donâ€™t know honestly. I donâ€™t know if I am pretending to like him just for my friends sake, or maybe Iâ€™m just overthinking everything. But […]

1/31/2014 11 comments

panic

by dontknowanymore 1/30/2014

written by dontknowanymore

I dont even know where to start. Actually, i do want to start by saying this site and all who do respond and comment have given me strength to try and better myself. Thank you all. But life doesnt like when i start to fix myself, unfortunately.
Today was just so overwhelming. I stopped getting on here for about a wk just to focus completely on me and i thought i was getting better. My husband/fiance whatever told me we had an appt with our counselor and i HAD to go. I didnt want to but i he kept insisting that nothing bad was […]

1/30/2014 4 comments

Trying to be positive.. Isn’t working

by ThisIsNoDemocracy 1/29/2014

written by ThisIsNoDemocracy

Any tips on how to remain positive? I’ve been trying but I always seem to get lost in the sadness, loss, and self hatred.

1/29/2014 3 comments

Life is not forever – Life is not for everyone –

by sacstate89 1/29/2014

written by sacstate89

I’ve been a shy person most of my life. It was when I entered college that I felt outgoing for the first time in my life. I’ve always thought my shyness came from an underlying fear of losing someone that I know (i.e. a friend, family member, etc.) My first experience with loss was when I was 5 years old. My brother was only 18 years old and died from a drowning accident. More recently, this past December 12th, I lost my mother. What bothers me the most about my mother’s passing is that her cause of death is unknown. The autopsy reports should be […]

1/29/2014 6 comments

My Story

by MissPandemic 1/29/2014

written by MissPandemic

Well, I guess you can say I’m contemplating suicide. I’ve been through a lot I suppose and I’m not sure how to handle it anymore. I’ve attempted suicide before, when I was around 11 or 12. I was too young to realise it took more effort then what I put in. And now that I’m older I realise that it might be best to just end my life. I know that I will hurt people, and that isn’t my intention, I love my friends, my family, my boyfriend. But I don’t want to lose my grandparent’s trust, or ruin my boyfriend’s life or not be […]

1/29/2014 7 comments

by LetItGo 1/29/2014

written by LetItGo

am i stable
no
am i okay
no
am i fine
no

im not doing okay
im not doing fine
must you be worried about me?
must you care about me?

we all know
im trying my best
to recover

we all know
im trying in my own way
to recover

we all know
we all have special ways
to recover

this is mine
i know its not
the best way
but its my way

and maybe it’ll work.

1/29/2014 2 comments

Confession

by Hesitate 1/29/2014

written by Hesitate

I don’t know what to say. it’s been a few months since I was last on here. I felt pretty bad. Months later, I feel better and worse at the same time. It’s hard to concentrate. This calm, dull inertia seems to have crept over me. the days pass in a blur of unfeeling, which is almost worse than the pain. Focusing on my work has helped some. I hide and ignore the world. My family continues to fall apart, and I’m glad I’m not there, but I feel terrible for feeling that way. honestly, I want this all to be over somehow. But that […]

1/29/2014 0 comment

the world doesnt give a shit

by brokenanchor 1/28/2014

written by brokenanchor

I’ve wanted to commit suicide ever since I was 12 and before then I couldn’t really understand the true concept of depression I’d just see it as me being sad all the time. Cutting started becoming my escape from the world because I’d just feel pain and relief at the same time…now I’m just numb from all the suffering I’ve been through and quite frankly the world doesn’t give a shit whether I live or die….right now I’m on the verge of trying to commit suicide again and all I know is that only my family will feel sorrow…..my friends will be sad and bow […]

1/28/2014 6 comments

The weight of ugliness

by janie_jones 1/28/2014

written by janie_jones

I wasted 34 years of my life because of abuse, or rather they were stolen from me, first child and teenage abuse, in every possible way, then emotional abuse, neglect, indifference, put down, diminished, eradicated, what was an half-empty shell became a dead zombie shell. I freed myself … for a while. Sooner or later had to get back to the familiar, inviting more abuse, meddling with dangerous bad evil people, trying to fight, win…. in the end only time in company of evil, ugliness … monsters. Unable to stop it, overwhelmed and distraught, lost … so tired …exhausted… have had enough

Living like a loser, […]

1/28/2014 5 comments

Tired of it all

by bmhf514 1/27/2014

written by bmhf514

I’mÂ tiredÂ ofÂ itÂ all.Â TiredÂ ofÂ everything.Â imÂ sickandÂ tiredÂ ofÂ hoping,Â ofÂ trying,Â ofÂ fightingÂ foranythingÂ anymore.Â IÂ don’tÂ seeÂ theÂ point.Â I’mtiredÂ ofÂ peopleÂ sayingÂ thingsÂ getÂ better,Â sayingthatÂ xyzÂ willÂ happenÂ justÂ beÂ patient.Â I’mÂ tired ofÂ peopleÂ notÂ understanding-ofÂ justÂ sayingÂ I’m overreactingÂ toÂ littleÂ things.Â I’mÂ tiredÂ ofÂ notfittingÂ in,Â I’mÂ tiredÂ ofÂ hatingÂ myself,Â I’mÂ tiredÂ ofhatingÂ people,Â I’mÂ tiredÂ ofÂ hatingÂ life.Â I’mÂ tired ofÂ everythingÂ inÂ lifeÂ beingÂ sugarÂ coated,Â I’m tiredÂ ofÂ theÂ lies,Â I’mÂ tiredÂ ofÂ falseÂ hopes.Â IÂ don’t wantÂ toÂ doÂ itÂ anymore.Â imÂ justÂ soÂ tiredÂ and doneÂ withÂ everything.Â iÂ don’tÂ wantÂ toÂ think anymore.Â iÂ don’tÂ wantÂ toÂ beÂ me,Â iÂ dontÂ wantÂ toliveÂ life,Â iÂ dontÂ wantÂ toÂ beÂ inÂ thisÂ lifeÂ orÂ this world.Â imÂ tiredÂ ofÂ justÂ tryingÂ toÂ keepÂ myself fromÂ reachingÂ anÂ actualÂ pointÂ whereÂ imÂ ready toÂ followÂ throughÂ withÂ suicide.

iÂ dontÂ wantÂ toÂ be.Â iÂ justÂ wantÂ itÂ allÂ toÂ stop.Â idon’tÂ wantÂ toÂ deal.Â iÂ wishÂ iÂ couldÂ justÂ putmyselfÂ inÂ aÂ self-inducedÂ coma.Â iÂ dontÂ wantÂ tobeÂ stuckÂ aloneÂ anymoreÂ inÂ thisÂ bodyÂ withÂ mythoughtsÂ trappedÂ inÂ thisÂ world.Â iÂ cantÂ doÂ itanymore…iÂ dontÂ evenÂ knowÂ whyÂ imÂ not throughoulyÂ suicidalÂ rightÂ now. i can’t do it anymore….i don’t want to do it. i don’t want to try or pretend to be okay for some period of time just to end up right back here again. i just deceive myself and latch on to false hopes and stupid fantasies to get by…im done

1/27/2014 0 comment

Keeping Faith

by Johnson Dominae 1/27/2014

written by Johnson Dominae

Just read a highly inspiring post called “Why are you still here?”. That is a great question, why are we (hurt, abused, heart broken, destroyed, ready to give up on life) still here? Everyone has a reason, everyone has a PURPOSE. It took a lot for me to find that out. I’m pretty depressed right now, it has actually gotten worst as this new year came in, nothing has gone right everything is turning for the worst. Dreams, memories, everyday experiences all going wrong. Came on here to read over my posts to see how far I’ve gotten, but that one post caught my eye […]

1/27/2014 4 comments

I think we all know the feeling…

by whyme336 1/26/2014

written by whyme336

I think we all know the feeling of sitting in the corner of your dark, lonely room. Trying not to wake your parents as tears slowly drown you. As you start to see the sun rise you get up off the floor. You wipe your tears and start with your day. You fake getting up and getting ready to look pretty. You head off to school and act like everything is fine and you laugh and smile. But on the inside you know it’s not okay. No one knows you cried all last night. No one would even guess that. You head home. You lock […]

1/26/2014 1 comment

why expect?

by pillarofsalt 1/24/2014

written by pillarofsalt

it’s very easy to say don’t expect and be happy but no matter what the ones we love.. we expect from them or some things are expected from us and no matter what you do your whole life trying to fulfill those expectations..you fall short! you disappoint and you feel really fckd up inside like you aint good enough and slowly slowly that takes over your mind and consumes you and you realize that it’s better to die than not be good enough!

1/24/2014 4 comments

got hit with the unhappy beam

by heartcore 1/23/2014

written by heartcore

been trying to hold this in for 9 hours … but my muscles hurt from my face to my feet from trying to disguise my body language and my brain hurts… i can logically divulge that things are moving in a good direction for me, soooo this makes no sense that i feel so bad. gawd what a damn struggle!!! its so exhausting to push myself through this day so far! i cant even… there are awful things happening to other people, not me, not anyone that i personally know…… why the fuck am i going through this?!? im satisfied helping out where im […]

1/23/2014 8 comments

Average humans, who are non suicidal, are foolish ?

by addicted 1/23/2014

written by addicted

” Except some 10% of humans, remaining all are just meat bags

I really don’t know from where these 90% humans getting motivation for living

These 10% of humans at least leaving some footprint on earth. they may be remembered for next 100 or 200 years

But remaining 90% humans, No one knows what they really trying to do with life. simply assisting that 10% of humans.

Out of this 90%, some realized the fact and in dilemma whether to commit suicide or not. Average humans who are non suicidal are Â just foolish ”

Question is: Â If an average person* with strong self convincing power is living happily, isn’t he […]

1/23/2014 4 comments

by unconscioussoul 1/23/2014

written by unconscioussoul

I dont know how many of you feel misunderstood by sheeple and what I like to call educated fools. My life has been filled with sexual abuse at a young age. Being brought into the world by an unstable 14 year old mother who really has horrible choice in men. Family that’s in denial of their sick and twisted faults and continue to pass on the demons from generation to generation instead of cutting the head off the snake. Mental illness and being able to read people for who they really are but still give them the benefit of the doubt because of […]

1/23/2014 0 comment

lol really? Admin respond please

by PainNlife 1/22/2014

written by PainNlife

What rule did my most recent post violate for it to be deleted? I’m pretty sure it was flagged by people who have a motive in disrupting something they dislike from someone they dislike… Its fine though… The room will still come to fruition… Flagging my post just shows you’re (not the sp admins) worried about me doing so and you’re trying to prevent it… Ah well nice try though…

1/22/2014 31 comments

being different can be a good thing

by hateself 1/22/2014

written by hateself

“The greatest people are not those that strive to be like everyone else, the greatest people are those that strive to reach above and beyond everyone else.” Don’t spend too much of life trying to fit in and conforming to everyone else (unless thats truly wat u love) your time and effort are better spent doing other things.

1/22/2014 2 comments

What Have You Become?

by Thesuicidalfreak 1/21/2014

written by Thesuicidalfreak

Why shouldn’t I take all these pills? They stare at me with open arms and take my pain away. My weak soul is tempted beyond measure. I canâ€™t break this habit, I’ve been trying for nearly 3 weeks, but my relapse seems to be nearing. But relapse to me is just repeating my old habit. I’ve tried to be strong but my mind is very weak, I rely on these tiny capsules.

I am holding them in my hand now, large and tiny, different brands of who knowâ€™s what. This is what I have become.

What Have you All Become? Please Comment.

1/21/2014 13 comments

what’s the point

by dontknowanymore 1/21/2014

written by dontknowanymore

I know nobody here reads my stuff but i still write hoping it helps my thought process. I told him everything sat night and of course he didnt take me seriously. I even had the gun cocked and ready and he just ignored me then took the gun when i had laid it down because i was crying. The next day he put it back where i had it like nothing happened. Why doesnt anyone take me seriously? Or am i that much of a failure that i really wont succeed in taking my own life either and its that obvious i suck at everything […]

1/21/2014 10 comments

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