im used to being alone and not having anyone to talk to….but im feeling really fucked up right now….nobody fucking cares and i dont think anyone ever will….maybe i should take his advice…”just keep on cutting. you worthless piece of shit.”
I was able to hang out with a friend, more like sister, that I haven’t seen in what seems like forever. In reality, it was a few months but to us, it felt like lifetimes. We used to see each other every day. She is my sorority sister and we were colleagues. She left the job that we shared because of mistreatment so we didn’t get to see each other every day. Well, we both knew how difficult the job is so we would take turns doing something every week for each other. It helped keep our sanity and our depression in check. Well, she […]
I once had a life, a real home. I lost everything after becoming a whistleblower. I live in poverty but these so called whistleblower groups just used me for them to get money. I was down to one car, have fibromyalgia and my mom committed suicicide a while back. I was in a car wreck a couple of weeks ago. No, not a penny to my name, have tried every medication there is for depression, in great pain I really wish I had died in that car wreck and I want to die now. I have a 9 mm gun and when grandkids leave I […]
It hurts to love people that don’t love you back. To give everything you have to someone who wouldn’t hesitate to throw you away. But worst of all to be ignored because you are so insignificant to anyone in this world. But alone is how I’m used to ending up people always come and go and I’m tired of being the type of person that gives a shit. I want to not give a fuck I want to be the person that leaves that is horrible to people. Those are the people that have good friends that would jump to save them, they are the […]
Living hurts. The people who used to make me happy now tear away at my sanity, even without meaning to. I watch tons of porn daily, and whenever I go a day without porn I spend it being a lazy fuck. HOW DID I EARN THIS LIFE? HUH? ANSWER ME DAMMIT!!!! It’s like death is a release even if I do go to hell I’ll at least know why. I go to a therapist, take happy pills, and fantasize about me dying. I like to think that I’ll die quickly but brutally so I’ll go out in kick ass way. I pray every day […]
An old acquaintance of mine used to have a radio show and once in a while he would pull off a fake commercial and let the audience vote on whether or not they thought it was legit. One of my favorites was “Euthanasia Cruises”. For $2500 you could book passage on a luxury ocean liner that sailed out past the 20 mile limit. Then the passengers could do whatever they wanted for three days and nights – eat, drink, do drugs, have sex with each other – whatever they felt like doing and as much as they wanted. Then after the three days everyone gets […]
It’s been 19 days.
The medicine I’m on seems to have taken away the so familiar feeling of sadness I’ve had for as long as I can remember. The change is so sudden that I feel like I’ve been stripped of a part me, I part I loathed but at the same time loved. How is it possible that now that my depression is on the way to being cured, I don’t want it gone?
It’s as if I would rather stay with my roller coaster of a life then be happy. Do I really hate myself so much, or is it just her ensuring I never […]
Shattering heart,
Wounded soul.
How would she deal,
With all of this pain?
Wrists flowing red,
Mind screaming thoughts.
You’ve never heard a story,
Quiet like this.
She loved to draw,
And she loved to paint.
But, she used the wrong materials,
And it was all to late.
Her pen was a razor.
And her canvas,
Her wrist.
Her canvas was covered,
But she wasn’t finished yet.
Her canvas switched,
From her wrist to her thigh.
She wanted to keep drawing,
To show everyone her pain.
The drawings were getting deeper,
She was nearing the end.
She wanted someone to find her,
With her drawings on her skin.
They don’t make ’em like they used to.
1. silly- kids used it to bunk school,gf/bf ditched, no money, not beautiful body, lost/no  job, not enough money, not enough talent,…etc.
2. realism-allowing thoughts that most people will not dare to because they are intense, conflicts with survival. Â existential nihilism, Lost passion to do something. All human thing look like a foolish.
Which category are you belong to?
I’m stupid to think he would ACTUALLY want me….. WHY? Why does this always happen to me? I can’t even fucking CRY! He won’t talk to me, and he is with a new one. I warned her this time, because that f*cking b*tch is not worth her time. Not worth anyone’s time. He deserves to be alone. Sorry, but you don’t do this kinda crap to ANYONE. And I’m so tired of being used like this! I’m good until you get what you want and then you move on until you’re tired of them. Then where are you? Back to me because they won’t give […]
i wish i could say what i want to say…  i wish this post was what i originally thought id post here….  i just feel no will to do anything….  i feel depressed but not in the way it usually was….  im so anxious, so stressed….  and i dont have the crutches i normally used….  perhaps it was a mistake to move, even tho this should be better for me, i think…  i feel like i cant do this anymore….  i feel like things will never get better and never be ok….  which is different for me because i used to think things like i […]
because my problems are so contrast.
through this hell I became born. a contra warrior.
I am the dead Ash. The story of the black ash.
the story where at the end the sad hero.
what happened when it reached zero.
was there another realm. or did I fuse with Gengar.
what is the psychic world. I am a Gengar.
I can levitate and fly. I have psy-power.
I can control and manipulate things and matter, and even people.
A freaking Gengar. What in the psychic world.
There used to be a Gengar, when he found the holy spirit.
Together, they went to go save the world.
Alakazam, is the guru of peace.
I type with […]
I can’t stop cutting myself. I honestly am sitting on my bed with a knife in my hand cutting away at myself like it’s nothing, but I’m used to it. And I’m so sorry, but I have to admit, I like the way it feels. I love the way I feel the shearing pain of blade against skin as the voices that overtake me slowly fade into a whispering echo in the back of my mind. I feel the stickiness of the blood. I can’t stop. I don’t know why I try. No one can help me and I know that. Don’t tell me it […]
initial days: people used to build pyramids & architectures. lots of human lives is invested on it and currently no one give a shit about their efforts.
beneficiary: kings and leaders ( less than 10% of ppl)
losers: avg humans who follow others ( >90%)
in 18th century lots of human lives are sacrificed in wars
beneficiary: leaders and aristocrat(10%)
loosers: people who follow (90%)
Now lot of human lives are investing on building organizations and technical products
beneficiery: owners and rich(20%)
loosers: who follow others (80%)
Irony is follower/avg humans don’t know that they are wasting a yet another human life. they are bussy building others organization same ways acestors-they are busy in […]
At this point I honestly don’t know what to do.. Stuck on stupid over this boy that doesn’t care one bit about me & pretty much used me for sex.. maybe if I’m gone he’ll realize I actually ment something to him.. I just wish he cared like he used to……… ):
Um hi I’m 14 and for the past three years I have had severe anxiety that has gotten gradually worse. It got horrible the second year, my seventh grade year, and I missed half the school year(but I still got As&Bs haha). When the level of my anxiety increases I have really bad panic attacks, I am nonstop sobbing, uncontrollably screaming, I get severe stomach aches, headaches, nausea, I vomit(alot), I start hyperventilating, shaking, twitching, I sometimes loose feeling in my hands/feet, my period cramps get worse, and the list goes on. My mom used to yell “you’re doing this to yourself”&”its all in your head”&”shut up […]
I cant stop crying… my life my relationships have all gone to shit. I havent felt this alone in a while… i feel trapped, used, unwanted and really hurt. I need to get out of here out of this situation out of these toxic relationships… birthdays in 3 days… happy birthday to me.
It’s not sadness I feel. I don’t even feel anger, nor do I feel numb. I feel empty. I am devoid of a soul.
The Jews say a soul is what makes us special. It is what separates us from the lifeless tools we use. I feel like God forgot to put my soul in me when he made me, leaving me a tool to be used. I feel like the Golem when he no longer had a purpose.
I don’t often think about myself in the terms of Jewish faith. My father is Jewish, not I. It’s the only way I can describe it though. […]
hey just an intro, Iam a girl and Iam 18. its been a while since ive talked to someone about all these feelings ive been getting lately. Iv been sad for such a long time now, its been years since I felt truly happy, and it really saddens me cuz I actually want to get better but I just cant, I hate this feeling of not knowing where I stand in life, I see all my friends go to college, get married, move on with their lives and I am over here crippled, not knowing what to do. The pain started off as emotional but […]