I’ve had a couple of moments in  my life, one was just a couple of minutes ago. The ceiling in my bathroom was falling (my house is going under construction) and I didn’t move, I just stood there and watched as everything came crumbling down. A part of me was hoping the whole thing would come down on top of me, so at least I wouldn’t have to do it. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened, one time I was swimming and just for a second I thought I could stop swimming and everyone would just think it was just this […]
Tag:
Voice In My Head
I push people away when I’m afraid, because I don’t think they could ever handle my feelings, I’m still trying.
Have you ever had one of those days, when you just hate everything? And even dropping your pen makes you want to break down and cry?
I always feel as if I treat people right, I strive to make sure the people I love are alright, even the ones that hate me. But have you ever had someone that continues to tell you that they dont deserve you? or they just keep rejecting your love? but they still stick around. It confuses me, do you […]
I’m sitting in the rain, everything looks so dark, so sad, so hopeless… yet I can’t stop watching. I can’t stand up and say: ENOUGH.
So I sit there trying to understand but there’s nothing to understand… I hear the voice in my head, charming and cold, saying to me things, things I don’t comprehend… questioning me things, things I don’t remember… blaming on things, things I didn’t do.
Such a mess my head is, a pretty bad nightmare…I just can’t wake up. Sometimes I wonder if I’m damaged. Sometimes…
I get in the house still raining, open all the doors to hang in every wall […]
Today was very rough. Perhaps one of the worst days I’ve ever had. Suddenly I just knew I am going to kill myself. Maybe not today or tomorrow or next week, but it WILL happen. It’s like it’s set in stone. I found myself planning dates, letters, locations, everything…I cried and cried. I kept trying to tell myself “No, I don’t want this!” But the voice in my head, some kind of demon that possessed me just laughed. I could literally feel me, pathetic little me, begging for this entity to leave me, to let me rest and be happy. But it just laughed and […]
the amassing depression. the self-loathing, self put down. the little voice in my head telling me that i should just kill myself and be free. my fucking straight edge calling me from the drawer. my psych meds transforming into an image of freedom. fuck fuck fuck!!! how wonderful it would be, the bus driver not being able to stop in time. or the gun salesman not knowing my true intention. fuck here come the fucking tears. the kind of sadness that make me feel weak and lonely. except for the fact that i am alone and lonely. i’m a pathetic excuse for a human being. […]
My life has been hard, I mean a life of abuse and neglect really messes with a person. But it’s not my life that I hate and want to end its me it’s my brain, I’ve been diagnosed with depression, eating disorders & anxiety. I self harm a lot. Anyway my head will never shutup it’s like I have a voice in my head telling me to give up telling me I’m fat and ugly and pointless and worthless. You see it’s not my life or even the people in it that I want to get away from, it’s myself I can’t live with myself.. […]
i feel him crawling inside, crawling inside my mind and body
what is he trying to find, i feel so ugly
screaming inside no words leave my lips
no! no never! my body he grips
it doesn’t count if you don’t say it
im crying now, it hurts
i want to tell him “go eat shit”
but my mouth still speaks no words
he keeps trying to give me something,
but its something i dont want
he says that it dont mean a thing
and makes me taste my ****.
oh Jesus, God where is it now? wheres the blessed light?
im sure that i could maybe,so why dont i put up a fight?
so high, so drunk, so […]
Older Posts