Don’t wanna live cause I’m dead inside. Don’t wanna live cause I have a harsh life. Nothing but pain filled with panick attacks, nothing but falling into old traps. I am sick and tired of your little game. The game where you decide to show me pain. The place where I feel alone and I don’t even exist. The place where you…forget about it, never mind, don’t care for me, you got  too many other things on your mind. But your game is over cause I escaped, I suffered 18 years from this terrible pain, but now starts a new age cause I escaped and […]
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wanna
Look! See the loverless boy. He watches the planes take off. Only in the dawn when the sun is low. Only in the night when the moon is bright. Oh loverless boy! Your eyes will see the world from space. You will sings the songs of a different race. Loverless boy why do you worry? This place is only temporary. You wanna love a another one but that one there is only human. You wanna hold her soul inside, you want your bodies to collide. Loverless boy remember your duty. Your mission is a bigger story. Go now back to see the planes. They’ll keep […]
Hi everyone don’t mean to boast but I’m still alive. Lets all make it through at least one more day. I promise I will. Thanks for everyone who has helped with kind words. I’m in a better position today than I was even a couple months ago. Dont mean to brag just wanna say thanks to anyone who says kind or helpful words.
I really don’t wanna die, but i don’t wanna live either..
It’s suicide vs the survival instinct.
Both ideas and feelings generated from the same brain. So why would the brain want us to survive and die ? wheres the logic ?
a short example:
experiencing a full manic episode, you a hold a knife up to your heart, you’re convinced all you wanna do is jam that baby in there, it starts with a nice big confident swing but then just before impact your arm goes soft ? or your mind goes numb and nothing happens ?? And for what. What possible reason
Some kind of fucked up cosmic joke.
Hi 🙂
To whoever is reading this, i wanted to let you know that I won’t be coming back. Don’t bother searching for me because i’ll already be gone…all i ever wanted was to be happy, free, and loved by everyone….I kept telling myself “just give it a day, It’ll get better…” But now 3 years later….It’s even worse….I’ve tried therapy, i’ve tried medications, i’ve tried going to the hospital….But none of these treatments can make me feel “Alive” again…I feel like a Freak….A Mental person who needs to be locked up before i hurt someone….They think i’m going to hurt someone….But in reality….I’m scared that THEY […]
I am screwing up my life for no reason. I just feel like the way I was living was not getting me anywhere, so I decided to drop college and live my life on the road. But I am so fucking scared. I need someone to do this with me. Because if I continue living this life, in which I have to be always high to get trough a day, I will go mad. My life right now doesn’t make me wanna do better. I don’t need happiness. In fact, I kinda want to be miserable, because I am too scared that I really messed […]
have you ever noticed that we suffer only when we know that “We” are suffering. you wanna own suffering, just like you wanna own anything else. oh this feeling of existing, of being alive is great, so tempting that one is ready to give his life for it. oh the lust of life! in me these two desires keep fighting simultaneously – to get into life (and thus suffer) and to get out of it. i have no reason to choose the former one, not a single reason, and yet somehow that lust is so much that i give in to it. i know a […]
It’s been six months since I last cut myself. I tried to abandon self-harming because my parents threatened me to kick out from the house. I succeed but I just wanna do it again. I feel like cutting myself could ease the pain away again. I’m so fed up with my life. Every time I bottle up my feelings or thoughts, I will be crazy and numb sometimes. I have no one to talk to. When I try, they (family &friends) just turn their backs away from me. They would even call me “attention-whore” although all I really want is to get help from someone (not […]
… Sometimes i wish that this is all just a dream, but sometimes i wish that i don’t want to live in sin.
Many times disapointed, but I still stand tall.
Waiting for a miracle to bring me up. My eyes are seen my own truth in the world full of lies, oh God is there Hope for us, for us? Similar souls who try so hard – To live lie … I saw everythin but still stuck in prison wearing a chains, oh god can you hear me now? Where are you, i still wanna touch the edge of the greatness but i can’t […]
Hi everyone, how y’all been doing? I’m bored,  wanna talk to someone. If you have Kik messenger (for mobile devices, not PC), feel free to add me (nigvo). We can talk about anything. But don’t forget to mention you’re from SP first off. No horny bitches, please. I have 3 days to talk to you. So if you feel up to a conversation, hit me up soon.
when that feeling of when your 14 years old and your mother speaks about you to everyone but in the most hatered way as if shes helping saying that it would be better if i was back in care well ya know what mother why the fuck did you allow me back in your house when you know im different then the others in our family when i need your support but you just tell your friends and family im incampable of even looking after my self, so what i have a boyfriend and i dont wanna stay on this shitty holiday because your always […]
Hi,
I’m thinking ’bout it again, it’s like a dream ’bout dying. You know just to forget everything, the stress is just to much.
I’m sure I will cut again, but still gonna go to school tomorrow.
When I tell someone what is happening to me, they just have those eyes that are cold and painful to watch.
I hate to open up to people.
I so wanna end all of it.
But there is the guilt, what are my family and close friends gonna think and fell?
I just want my blood to flow out of my body, drop after drop.
And maybe the gushing out part is gonna be the best!
I […]
fucking crappy ass friends i have. so this is how it is i decided to bring to of my friends to this band cncert thing cause i wanted to spend time with them. My other friend who is my ex, so is the one i was taking, want to go along so i said ok so i was going to buy another one. when i told them they were like if hes going then im not. i got so pissed that i said something i regreted i said fine i dont need you guys for anything anyways. this part i regret but this part i […]
Okay so it’s late here and I’m wide awake, lying in bed and i’m unable to fall asleep.
I was doing okay today and then suddenly, at about midnight, it hit me again. The sadness and emptiness and pain, everything just hit me again. How my brother is not here, in his room above me. And it’s still so unreal, still, after a year and a half. I still sometimes wonder if this isn’t just some nightmare. Because how can it be gone? How can a life that has been built up over almost 16 years be gone in 1 second? I just can’t wrap my […]
How long does it take to suffocate? Just wondering if anyone knows . If you dont know then please dont respond. Dont tell me not to do it or I have choices or im not trying hard enough or I feel sorry for myself. Ya every body goes through shit and someone always has it worse , still want to die so tell me what you know or dont please. I just wanna know how long it takes.if anyone knows I dont want advice I just want to leave this world I dont care. I dont have family or friends im alone so it wont […]
Nearly killed myself today.. Anyone wanna talk? I lost everyone I ever used to talk to. devinbelver@yahoo.com  kik: devinx7
What’s the point of being kind to everybody when the only thing you get is being mistreated? i don’t know if i’m the only human who feels this way but i’m always trying to fit in and make everybody likes me, but everything i get is bullshit.
Today was one of those hard days when you feel alone, no matter how much people you have around you, it may sounds like a big cliche but it is how i feel.
I lost the significance of the word “friends” a couple of years ago, i don’t know what they’re anymore, perhaps they’re there asking you whats going wrong […]
I have been having those thoughts again.The bad ones.The ones i dont want.I feel useless.Unwanted.I just wanna dIE.Disappear.Become nothing.
Here I go again. I’m so done with this shit you know. How much can someone take? When do you say enough? When can you tell someone they’re the reason you wanna leave this world?