Im terrified to go to school because there’s bullies there pushing me, teasing me, telling me to go die…. they dont know that I really want to and i barely sleep at night and refuse to leave my room most days. I trap myself in my room and push anyway anyone that tries to help me. I am on the verge of taking away the privilege of living….
want
It hurts so much.. I just want it to stop
I don’t really dwell over the fact my wife left me, even though it’s only been a few months since she left..in fact I’m so lost I can hardly recall any details to a single moment we shared together… I don’t miss her face or her smile..I don’t miss her comfort or the things she shared with me. I don’t even know why we were together, anymore.
I don’t see myself getting better, as I look back and realize it’s always been this way to one extreme or another, I can see I’m not meant to […]
It’s getting to the point where I’m just tired of existing again. Like many times before, though I have never shared these times; I don’t know why I suddenly feel like posting this now. I’m tired of doing all this pointless work, I’m tired of pretending to my family that I care at all about getting some kind of “job” (which I never have and likely never will care about), I’m tired of spending all my savings to live comfortably and go to school when I never had any intention of living that long in the first place and there are people who actually want […]
I just want my depression and the voices to end, I had the best job and the best wife and lost it all. I have lost my life, my confidence and all my friends. Am currently studying again and doing really well, but hearing voices to commit suicide and having depression big time sucks as if I can’t pull myself out of a grave. And yes I do take meds.
I have gone through suicide in my head thousands of times and know of the painless method I will actually carry this out. Just need to save some money. It’s pain vs pleasure for me and […]
Dear Mom,
I am very sorry for the hurt I am about to cause you and everyone who has loved me. You have been the best mother a daughter could ever hope for and I know I would not have lasted this long if it was not for you. You know I have been battling my depression for as long as I can remember. The medication has evidently not been working and I just want the pain to end. I don’t belong in this world and I don’t see things changing anytime soon. I just want you to know that it was never my intention to […]
I don’t know much about this site. I don’t know if anyone is actually reading this. I don’t want to complain, and I don’t want to make anything worse. I only want to write; I love to write. I can’t imagine I’m very good at it, but I love it. It’s among the only things that distracts from everything else.
I really can’t do it anymore.
I’ve tried so hard for so many years. The depression, the anxiety, the stress, the unprecedented shame and awkwardness, the never-ending pot of guilt, and the hopelessness. I’ve seen so many counselors, I’ve been on meds, I spent a […]
I thought that given the nature of some posts I’ve read recently, that I should share with y’all my scars. These pictures were taken today, October 7th, the cuts were made on August 19/20. They are still very bright, very noticeable and often very sensitive. For a time, the sub stitches, non-dissolvable, were getting rejected by my body and were pushed up through the semi-healed wounds. I kept having to take cuticle scissors and cut the threads down in the hopes that I would be able to unravel the knots and pull the nylon out. I think I got a few out, but the rest […]
The cops were called today. They want to “help”. I just want to die, continue cutting and not live in this hell hole of a town. One of the three!! I have the perfect place to live in a different city with friends that are more willing to help me out than my own family. Now I don’t think I can go to the place I once called home.
This is me, the bubbly, fun, loving person with a side people dont understand. Lately me and this boy had a thing and it all went to shit and I keep cutting and having bad suicidal thoughts, sometimes I think about taking my whole bottle of pills just so I wont feel pain anymore. My arms burn more than ever and I havent been eating, my stomach hurts and just makes me so upset and I cant eat nothing, my family is getting worried […]
To say get better when you don’t have to.
To say there’s help when you don’t need it
To live when you don’t want to die
but
It’s hard to stay alive when you can’t stand to open your eyes to another day
You curse the day that you’re awake
You hope today is the day you’re brave
enough to take your life away
Suicide…why do people think I’m crazy?
They’d rather have me alive to watch me slowly die than to take myself out.
I’m looking to escape everyday
hope is finding the way out
I need to get out!!!
Why is it so […]
I dont want sex, I dont want children, nor father or mother, brother or sister. No matter how hard I try to distance myself from others my body craves warmth. I just want warmth, to hold someone regardless of gender, to feel safe even as the world crumbles to dust. No words, no thoughts, just the sound of leaves rustling in heavenly wind, the smell of fragrant flowers eternally blooming in my dream, and the feeling of another close to me as I sleep eternal. Would any of you be so kind as to look pass the base desire for procreation […]
After seven months- I relapsed on alcohol. My professors have told me that I’m not committed and won’t get a job despite my A’s and being on the Dean’s list. I cried all day yesterday, I can’t take it. So much pressure, I had stopped thinking of suicide when I entered a university because I felt like finally I found something that makes me happy. Finally I’m doing something to take away the thoughts. And now I’ve been fucking terrible at every little thing and I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t want to feel anymore and I […]
I’m typing this here because I have no one to talk to. I happened to read a post with a situation similar to mine. I’m not alone. I don’t live alone. But I am alone. I cry a lot because I don’t feel good about myself. I’m tired. Nothing traumatic happened in my life. I was raised by strict God-fearing parents and I have two sisters. I don’t want to blame the way I feel on the way i was raised. I was homeschooled., but unlike most kids and teenagers, I didn’t really have any friends. I’m an adult now. I don’t even have a […]
KK so im a shit person because i find it so stressful to make friends and when im in the process of becoming friendly with someone all i want to do is cut cut cut cut CUT so they can see and then they can’t reject me lol.
how fucked is that.
i fucking hate myself for even thinking like that
Hi im having a smal breakdown. Just thought about cutting. Ive never tried, and I really want to. How do I do it, brcause im worried…
Please…
I thought I could come to college and settle in and not want to go home til thanksgiving break. But no, I had to get a rude room mate, be told i don’t belong here, and deal with depression that everything is causing. This weekend I’m’m going to visit home but I’m starting to wonder if ill end up coming back to college. I’ve been doing class and homework nonstop since I came here and I’m taking 20 units. My volleyball coach is mad cuz I’m not doing well in practice and I’m not going to the gym. I haven’t had time because of […]
It’s funny how people say they want to help but they don’t. It’s funny how death is a last resort and people always think you’re crazy. It’s crazy that I just drank 6 Liters of water in two hours last night and I’m still alive. Death, find me as soon as you can. If not, I’ll come looking for you again tonight.
I bathed in melancholy as I listened to this piece. It made me want to kill myself, immediately. It brought up so many hurt and despair in me I couldn’t bare. I left home. Well, not before I synced it into my music player. I went to my secret place, a small piece of nature surrounded by the big houses of my neighborhood. It was afternoon and the sun was nice on me. Everything was nice, because when you have cancer even the dickheads from the office can manage to swallow their jokes. I called my psychologist. She didn’t answer. I sat down by a […]
Next friday is national coming out day and in my schools GSA we are sharing our stories… I don’t know what to do because I want to share for support but I don’t want my family to find out. After all my family is a bible thumping, gay hating, type of people.
I posted yesterday.
This morning I woke up and thought “If I’m going to kill myself, today is the day.” And I’m too cowardly to go through with it. I’m giving myself just a few more days to pull out of this mess. I want kids, I want to get married and I want to graduate college. I’m a freshman this year. I have plans and ambitions. But I don’t want to live with this pain. Taking 3 pills for my depression is what I was told to do, and with that, I sleep through my classes.
If I take only 2? I want to die
Someone tell […]