http://faithtap.com/1186/an-and-rias-first-flight/?a=1
I had to admit that video made me smile. It makes me wonder how people enjoy life so much, find the urge to continue to live. It makes me feel bad for wanting to die.
Tag:
wanting
Believe it or not I am vacationing in Italy right now. I am visiting my parents (who have been here for the last year) and my mama and my self are in rome. I have been going through a custody battle for about the last year. My son is 5 years old and i had him for the first 3 1/2 years until i sent him to his dads to recover from my addiction and restore my mental health… then he decided not to send him back. (Granted his father wasnt a part of his life until then and moved clear across the country to […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GntRHCuHorc
I think our last kiss was meant to be quick and chaste, but after the first touch of her lips fire leaped up and roared through my belly. My fingers yanked her close, digging into her back, and her arms embraced me to her as if wanting to meld us together. I knotted my fingers in her heavenly hair and bit down on her bottom lip, making her groan. Her lips parted, and my tongue swept in to dance with her. There was nothing sweet or gentle in our last kiss; it was filled with sorrow and desperation, of the bitter knowledge that we could’ve […]
I’ve been ‘suicidal’ for awhile. I’ve attempted, been hospitalized, and seen counselors. I never told anyone the real reason, deep down. I told enough to convince people but I was afraid to share the real stuff.
Last night I was writing my suicide note when the closest person in my life, unknowingly, helped me. He started throwing these rubber toys at me and it made me laugh. He’s been teaching me how to shoot rubber bands, too.
But after he went home, and I was there all alone, I knew that I was on the very edge. And one little game wouldn’t take me back to that […]
Tonight I plan on driving with no destination in sight. I have no idea where I will be going or what direction I will be driving. I can no longer live in this house. The pressure is to great. I hope that I will be reunited with the ones that love me and the ones that I love.
Some days i no longer want to try I no longer want to stress, some days I no longer want to move. I also know that I don’t want to leave this world early but the days that I don’t are few and far between. The thought of […]
Theme song from a show called Madventures.
Wish I could have seen the world even a 1 percent of what these guys have – and lived my life to the fullest while I still had the time. Really have to give a salute to Riku and Tunna. 🙂 Love the show, and it had for a few years kept me hoping to be in their shoes; exploring places, seeing other cultures and people – but no more.
The best travelling documentary program in the world by far – Finnish, but at least 3th season spoken in English – distributed all over the world though.
Theme song gets me […]
It’s almost 2AM. I’m in my room alone. Crying my eyes out wanting to die. I haven’t felt this way in over a month. I look at my scars and notice them fading. Why are they leaving me I don’t want to see them go. They’re such a big part of me, I swear they’re my closest friends. I’ve tried everything to clear my mind, but nothing seems to work. I’ve tried snapping a a rubber band, I’ve tried drawing a butterfly,I’ve tried all I can think. I don’t know what wrong with my mind. all I know is that it’s back. The urge to […]
i really dont see meaning in nothing. i just want a courage to stop this hell that is to exist and to deal with problems that will never stop.
nothing keeps me wanting to live here.. oh god, how i hate my parents for being so egoistic and putting a life in a hell of world. i think that having children is the most egoistic act ever, you only put a life there and fuck it and if the life just not feel ok with that, ohh you’re a douche.. you have problems.. NO, you that put me here that have problem. not me. fuck you.
i […]
Several years ago, I made a pact with myself that I would hold on for the sake of people who had cared enough to get me out of a bad situation. I told myself to focus on school, and that by the time I graduated, I may have started wanting to live again. The issue is, I’m looking at finishing soon, and I was with these people today. I know no matter what happens I will never completely regain my what’s left of my mind, and I tried to prevent hurting the few people I care about, but I just got the feeling, not for […]
There are suicidal people who have mental illness, but in my opinion, wanting to take one’s own life is not a mental illness, nor is it necessarily indicative or symptomatic of one. Rather, it is likely a spiritual condition residing at a far point on a spectrum. 30 years ago suicide was as taboo a subject as divorce. Today it is a sign of an imbalance of brain chemistry. 30 years from now it will be regarded as I posted here. Just a guess.
Empty means containing nothing, according to the dictionary. It’s the feeling that I have right now. It’s weird. I’m in my house, but i’m not alone. I have my daughter sitting next to me watching a movie on her iPad while I sit on my couch typing these words. She’s too little to understand my feelings and body language. I have messages on my phone that i’ve looked at, but can’t seem to reply. I have close friends that want to hang out or come over and call it a movie night…but why do I just want to be alone? I’ve thought about over-dosing today…actually […]
I’m just gonna throw this out there. I am mentally and spiritually broken. I have been laid off twice in the last two years. Married with two kids. Was active in church. Was very close to losing my house. Was unable to pay my bills had power and gas getting turned off almost monthly. I found out real quickly who really cares about you when you hit rock bottom which turned out to be no one. I thought my wife was my best friend in this world but I swear she has cheated on me with a co worker. She went and partied with this […]
Hi all.
I am new to this (TSP).
Since yesterday  have been in my room in front of my laptop searching, reading, and hoping. Wanting more than anything to find the solution to what I have always wanted: to die. For a few hours I thought I had found the way out. Twelve hours later, more reading and planning shattered my plans. I thought that finally I would have a successful suicide. Now I am desperate and frantically searching for another way to end my life.
As I write this, I am looking at my cat explore my desk. She makes me smile. She may be the only […]
Somehow I always end up back here. When I tell people it makes things worse or things stay the same. Yet I’m here. Yet I’m here.
My mom hid her gun. I’m not very happy about that.
I need help. But I don’t know what to do. Am I waiting for someone to help me? Or is this my pathetic attempt at wanting to help myself? I don’t know. I don’t know.
but i guess it makes my problems less important
every few days i find the idea of a drug addict life more and more attractive
maybe the short lived thrill seems better than no thrill at all
i want to be in partial control. experience “happiness” and do it over again
then when i get tired of it, do my big finale
sounds stupid but thats what i want. i gave up on wanting the better things. odds are slim and get slimmer every day
i cant explain it. i dont want anything. i want to die
I have had more and less, yet I have always been a miserable person. My brain is not right. I am not capable of sustaining relationships with sabotage or to truly “connect”. There are a few things I would postpone my death for but once I got to experience them I would not consider it worth living for. I date someone who has no respect for me, I am an option to them and worth keeping around albeit at arms length. I am embarrassed I allow this and often times pursue it. If it weren’t for him though I would not have any social […]
Love me Sweet, with all thou art,
Feeling, thinking, seeing;
Love me in the lightest part,
Love me in full being.
II
Love me with thine open youth
In its frank surrender;
With the vowing of thy mouth,
With its silence tender.
III
Love me with thine azure eyes,
Made for earnest grantings;
Taking colour from the skies,
Can Heaven’s truth be wanting?
IV
Love me with their lids, that fall
Snow-like at first meeting;
Love me with thine heart, that all
Neighbours then see beating.
V
Love me with thine hand stretched out
Freely — open-minded:
Love me with thy loitering foot, —
Hearing one behind it.
VI
Love me with thy voice, that […]
We have ‘friends’ but we’re all alone. Look next to you. What is there? An animal? A stuffed toy? A jornal? A living being? No. Log into your ‘Facebook’ or another social media. You have friends, followers, and others. They say “We’ll catch you if you fall!” but will they? Are they real? We are all alone. Just accept it. We have friends they are not real. They only use you. If you have a true friend make them prove it. Make them prove that it’s not just you. Say your having a bad day. All of the pressure of you wanting to end your […]
I am over fifty and instead of getting wiser in the past few years I have instead pretty much ruined everything with my stupid behavior as well as this damned depression that never really goes away. For at least twenty years I have really wondered why I should keep on existing, but on the other hand, I am not brave enough to “do something rash.” That is another failing, wanting to die but afraid to bite a bullet or jump in front of a train. And I am even worried about what people would think of me for doing something like that. So I keep […]
Everything is too much. I’ve been wanting to kill myself for so long, but I owe it to my family to make sure that it’s peaceful for them. I’m not financially stable enough for that. I really just feel like the only reason I ever save money is so I can die while still helping others. Why do I want to help? It’s stupid. I’m not needed. I’m useless and even when I try I fuck everything up. I don’t even know whether my family will miss me because they love and need me or if they’d simply be unused to my absence at first.