Looking at my posts, they just all seem so whiny. They’re all just me complaining and being weak and wanting attention. I will not let myself have attention, I don’t deserve attention by whining about things, so I’m just gonna stop posting.
Tag:
wanting
I feel like shit.
One of things I absolutely hate is the fact that we no longer live a normal life anymore.
My father is jobless, and my mother works freelance at the company where my dad used to work at. For months now, he’s been jobless and he’s been living with us in the apartment I’ve been using for college. Currently, he applied to some company abroad, whereas he’s been waiting for his papers’ approval. We’ve tried telling him to work at the company he worked at before but he absolutely hates it there, so no question about him wanting to go back otherwise it’d lead […]
I saw your post and went to comment on it and to tell you thank you for that. And that I was going to listen to it along with Hazy’s music choice while I lay around on the sand.
I’m trying to get my latest pic up but it’s not wanting to upload….of course that could be my fault, it’s hard to see under such harsh sunlight. I’ll keep trying.
Is it so bad that i want to ended all. I mean who will even miss me? Not my family i know that for sure. but then why is it that every time i try it it feels like if i was doing something bad? I wish i had the courage of doing it. If i ever have the courage i hope the pain goes away immediately. I talked to my mom the other day and like always she just said it was my fault. I don’t know why i even picked up. Its always the same story with her. I shouldn’t allow hope, its […]
Wondering what to think in order to fall asleep. Can’t tell if everything is lost in cacophony or if there isn’t anything to begin with. Both are worrying. Vacillating between wanting quiet and dreading it.
I suppose there are thing I want stopped and things I want ended, and neither thought yields any comfort. I’m not even sure this is comforting, it’s just something.
I want to be able to give you the stars to pick them from the dark empty misty sky as they shine for you but I fear you’ll only use them as stepping stones to get further away from me. the moon longs to be appreciated shining into your life but you only use it to light your way. the wind moves and whispers your name on a frosty deadly night yet you ignore it as you strive for your goal. though I could give you the world, my world. you only use it to get higher and higher. always wanting more. never taking in […]
Suicide runs in the family. Dad killed himself almost 8 years ago, then my cousin who most identified with did the same a year later.
I know have had some form of bi-polar with major depressive episodes throughout life, and for sure major anxiety, but somehow have always been able to pull through when times got bad.
I have faced the darkness and abyss of just wanting to die and slowly pulled myself out of it, maybe it was easier back then, being younger, in college, more involved in people’s lives, my mother still cognizant and father still alive.
Mom has alzheimers now, I uprooted […]
A friend of mine said to me, “You don’t want to kill yourself boy. You have to be mad to do that.” It made me laugh, firstly because he has known me for years and still can’t accept I am not always the jovial, erudite man he meets down the pub. Secondly, I think suicide, far from being mad as a concept, is a totally logical response the the distress, disfunction and depression I experience.
Here is the argument. I have swung between depression and total mania since birth. The depression makes me agoraphobic, professionally and socially unreliable, totally disassociated and lacking all motivation. Depression destroys […]
Around the time of high school my life was so miserable. I couldnt make any friends and i felt useless. I didnt feel like i would amount to anything. I dont even remeber how old i was exactly i just remeber being in my room deciding suicide was the best option. Since im a christian (whether you believe or not. The fact is i do hence why i thought the way i did) i figured heaven would be a more prefered place to live. Besides i had no special talent her on this terrible planet. My grades were always bad. Learning things was always difficult […]
Physics, Nihilism, injustice, crack, alcohol, baseball, should we really help people??? Won’t they just have a more exaggerated experience of the human condition?
by favmove
written by favmove
35 year old white male….educated, athletic, comedic, drug addict, truth searcher, lazy, the average person would say I have so much to offer…..I see there is no purpose, but I know many are in pain….., I really want to know if people who really believe they are happy have a gene switched on that allows them to believe their own lies, somehow my father understands all of this but is content with life…..playing golf and gambling….I honestly don’t know how he does it, I guess I am afraid to die since I have been suicidal since I was 10. I can make anyone laugh, make […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I feel like theres no reason to live. I’m not moving forward, I’m unemployed, Im not interested in anything. I don’t want to do drugs again but I feel thats the only thing that helps me sleep, and forget all of last year. It blends time together, I have no real skills, my only friends get high and I just move nowhere. I tried talking to that girl. I know I shouldnt have, I guess you could say that I’m weak. Pathetic as she would say. She humors me, but just to get her point through. I don’t want to date, but I do. But […]
Hello.
I’m still alive.
It’s been a while since the last time I posted here and to be quite honest I thought it was because I was getting better but I think that’s just a lie I keep telling myself so I don’t try to commit again. Lately I’ve been feeling quite down and have (LITERALLY) no friends to vent to and before this becomes into something more than it should I decided to come back and just, if not vent, at least just .. write .. about anything and everything, if that makes sense.
It’s going to be the anniversary of my last attempt and I feel […]
I dont think im any different than anyone else on here. My story is the same. Im a 16 year old girl trying to be happy and failing miserably. I have been battling anxiety and depression for over a year now, and it hasn’t gotten better. I dont think it will. Its bullshit when they say it gets better. Because it doesn’t. The day before my 16th birthday December 9th of this year, I tried to kill myself before school. There was nothing left for me in this world, and no one cared from me anymore. I was lonely and dead without really being dead.A […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I really don’t know where to start. I guess I’ll start by saying I’m transgender…and please no comments about your thoughts on transgenderism.
I’ve been through so much in my life and have so much to be thankful for, but lately I have this deeply engrained feeling like I’ll always be alone and nobody will ever understand me. Some days it’s just all too much and I’ve been desperate for relief.
I guess I’m here because I don’t feel like I have anyone I can tell this to without them wanting to admit me to some psych ward
Sometimes, I am torn between wanting to kill myself or wanting to kill myself in addition to everything else that breathes.
So it has been awhile since i was last on here. I found someone who made me forget about my shit life and for awhile i forgot about wanting to end my life. I have been through some messed up stuff but i have always put on a smile and played my role as the good daughter, the dependable best friend, the happy coworker, etc. But this person i fell in love with broke all of those masks. I cant hide behind anything anymore. I cant pretend that i give a shit about anything any more. Why would he want me? Im no good for […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/Tall-guy-Free-me.mp3
A song I wrote about depression.
Lyrics:
Free me from this prison,
I’ve been locked away for so long,
every day seems to last forever.
Then comes the night,
the time when all my toughts are set free,
they flow through me aimlessly
wanting to become a part of me!
I can feel the darkness
taking over my mind,
all I can see is blackness,
I feel empty, like there’s nothing to be found.
Within me
there is only despair,
I can not see clearly
it feels like life isn’t fair.
And then I think to myself
what feels better,
or less painfull
than being alive?
A rope around my neck?
A bullet through my head?
freefalling through the sky
meeting death at the end?
And then I think […]
hey guys, would just like to say I hope everyone has had a safe weekend. I understand life may be difficult now, but as humans we are capable of great things. Remeber that you are never alone, you will always have someone to talk to on here; this is just a stage. You are the star player in your life, if you don’t like the way things are, try and change them, if you can’t, work to change things for the best. I know that feeling you have when first thing you do in the morning when you open eyes, is question your existence on […]