I dont think im any different than anyone else on here. My story is the same. Im a 16 year old girl trying to be happy and failing miserably. I have been battling anxiety and depression for over a year now, and it hasn’t gotten better. I dont think it will. Its bullshit when they say it gets better. Because it doesn’t. The day before my 16th birthday December 9th of this year, I tried to kill myself before school. There was nothing left for me in this world, and no one cared from me anymore. I was lonely and dead without really being dead.A zombie walking around wanting to die. That day has a burned a hole in my brain permanently. The hours spent in the hospital mental ward, hearing people that were really messed up screaming down the hall and having to stare at the blank white ceiling, with a camera on me. The hysteria form my mom. The tears from my dad. The people coming in and asking me why. Why? There want a reason to live anymore. Isnt that everyones answer? Thats how I felt. They let me go home that night surprisingly, and I have to go to therapy three times a week. I lie and smile and pretend its helping and say im moving on and getting better, but im not. Im still hopeless, and nothings changed in my life. No one knows it happened, so I still get treated like shit every day of my life. Will anything ever change? Im not sure, and I doubt it. Im still gonna be that fucked up 16year old girl with no one who cares about her for the rest of the year, and for the rest of my life.
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I’m sorry you had to go through such hell so early. I can’t and won’t give you promises which I can’t keep – that it will get better, but sometimes it really does get better.
Please hang in there if you can. Not all, but many problems go away after high school ends, especially if you go to college, far away from all which keeps hurting you.
We do care and we always listen. Feel free to share any thoughts which put weight on your heart.
You’re still young, which doesn’t make it any easier, but it’s pretty common for people your age to experience anxiety and depression (regardless of what the general population thinks). It can take quite a while to “win” that battle, and honestly a year is little time to fix problems that have been going for years. One thing that i can say is that even if you think you’re alone and no one cares about you, it might a) be your perception (which usually fools us), and/or b) you still have quite a while to live (which means you’ll meet new people, have new experiences, so what you experience now is pretty likely to change).
I’m not saying that it will get better, but it CAN get better. How long will it take? no idea, but it can happen, even if you think it can’t. In the meanwhile you’re welcome to post around here and keep sharing your thoughts like mato42 said above. I do hope that things do get better eventually.
It usually takes months to get anything from a therapy and I wouldn’t expect anything anyway because your problems perhaps aren’t related to having nobody to talk to, eh. You should find something to distract you from your suicidal thoughts. A hobby, I suggest playing MMOs, they will take you far away from the world where it hurts.
I’m appalled that they let you go after one night. Um, lemme guess, you are American and have not-such-good insurance and your company pressed docs to let you go? They posed a threat for your life by allowing you to leave so early. My country kept me closed for like two weeks even if I wasn’t psychotic and didn’t have a prior history of hospitalization.
Can we talk via e-mail?
simplicity35,
you need a reason to get better, going to meetings and people telling you to smile don’t cut it! that reason is up to you.
Can I ask you a question? What is it that leads you to want to lie to your psychologist and tell him you’re better when in reality you’re going through immense pain in your life?
Yes Please answer?