My mom doesn’t understand that she is only making things worse for me. She says she’s going to get me counseling and that I need to talk to someone about God. I just want her to listen and accept me without trying to force religion on me. I do believe there is a god, but I have questions. However, who doesn’t? She screams and yells at me for things she doesn’t even understand herself. She tells me that I need to talk to someone. Well, the only person I want to reach out to and tell them why I am the way I am is […]
Tag:
worse
My body is destroying itself. Suicide would only speed up the process that had begun the day I was born.
I have a chronic illness. On a typical day, I wake up feeling as though I haven’t slept, struggle to get ready for work, barely get through work, and have to crash as soon as I get back home, sometimes without so much as eating. If I’m lucky, the pain is at a 5/10 or below. If I’m not so lucky, it’s at at least an 8 and climbing the longer I push myself through a day. Apparently my 8 is a normal person’s 10/10.
Right now […]
Expectations have destroyed me it’s hurts to be here anymore every one thinks I act this way for attention (and by every one I mean my parents) I’ve tried confessing to my parents but my Mom just yelled at me and told me it’s normal I should just get used to it but I don’t want to be used to this pain and unhappiness I’ve felt for ten years my dad took a whole different approach he threatened to take my doors off and get my admitted in an insane asylum I know it’s not normal the way I feel but I have no one […]
im sorry i havent been around lately, things were getting better and then worse again… you know, the ussual…. but this time, i think im realy done… ive picked my best 4 options, and have started to subtily say my goodbyes… its hard to fully explain everything as many of you would know. and although i feel a need to, i wont.. because its quite impossible…
just know that i did try, and that the help ppl have tried to give me, did matter…Â it gave me a couple more years to make sure that this is what is best…Â there is no place for me […]
I’ve just realized I have a pretty big spending problem. It’s like I’m living pay check to pay check. I’m not sure why I’m doing it though.
Probably just buying some comfort for an hour that ends up making me feel like shit after.
I’ve been doing it quite often it seems. What is happening to me? Some sort of impulse behaviour to calm me? Trying to hold onto hope? Something more primal?
I don’t know. But I gotta stop. Bills need to be paid. Though maybe it’s been a hindrance to getting better? Or preventative measures to avoid getting worse.
Nobody tells the future. Â Futures don’t have infinite linearity to each distinctive, singular life. Â I have more future then past in my life right now. Â And they say . . . live for that. Â Truth be told, no – we can not undergo a set-in-stone determination of what the future will be. But the implications of life now can decide what the future might be like. Â Life is bad right now, driving me to the last of me, all done by my own hand. Â What makes it worse, is I can’t pick out any possibility for a future with a good outcome.
Quiero morir
Déjame ir
As hard as i try to get over you, you come back.. Telling me your sorry and getting me to believe your stupid, drunken or sober lies. You get my hopes up and even every time i know they will crash right back down, i still believe you. I try to talk to others, but i cannot get feelings for them, all i want is you. I know i shouldn’t have you. Any who, ever since New Years I feel into a deep depression, i stopped eating, dropped a good 15 pounds, slept more, had absolutely no ambition to do a thing. Cutting came back […]
It’s almost been a year since I’ve been using this site. I’ve gotten worse over the year. I’ve tried twice so far. I dont want help that’s the worst thing i guess.
I honestly belive I am horrible person. I sometimes think about death, and wanting to kill myself, but not very seriously, so I wouldn’t consider myself suicidal. Still, I need to talk to someone because I would never tell my family or friends any of this, so obviously I have turned to the web to vent. I honestly think I ruin everything. Everything I do wether it’s little or small, I always manage to screw up. I feel like everything’s my fault. I keep trying and trying but still I feel like everything is just not turning out. And honestly I am tired of screwing […]
I’ve been suicidal for a very long time now. Seriously,I don’t understand how people “recover”. It’s all I can do to keep myself together everyday. Some days are better than others. Most just suck! I go in to see him today& I feel worse coming out of there. He makes me feel bad for feeling suicidal, like it’s a switch I can turn off. I’ve had these feelings for a VERY long time! How are they supposed to go away in 7 months? I’m supposed to be able to call him if things get bad for a coaching call, but I don’t feel like I […]
Why did I have to bring her down with me??She had everything.I made her life worse.Because of me she’s not at her house anymore:(I finally know what Ima do.I start on the third so Ima work for a month In a half.Give some money to my mom and give the rest to her.As for me.I feel sorry for the maid that walks In my room.Until then I have stay to make things right.
Why is depression such a relationship killer? If I want a successful relationship am I just supposed to hide the depression completely? Past experience has shown me that this seems to be the only option. The problem being is that as you start getting comfortable around someone the shiny façade starts to slip and reveals the ugliness underneath.
I’ve tried letting them know ahead of time. That I suffer from depression. For the most part the meds manage it, but there will days where it gets through. “Sureâ€, they say, “everybody gets down once and while, no worries.†But when they actually see it, they learn that it’s […]
now i know he’s a terrible person, or has a severe mental illness. i can’t decide. and i can’t decide which one is worse. he doesn’t care that he is preventing my from graduating. he doesn’t care. he doesn’t care about how terrible he is. I’m selfish? yeah i guess. does he not see how effing selfish he is?! and cruel?! omg. i explained everything in plain english, and nothing. he just keeps saying he hates me and he’s canceling his phone. HE HATES ME?! I HATE ME! I HATE ME BECAUSE IM NOT WORTH DIRT TO HIM. there is no getting through to him […]
Froze my ass off today whilst traipsing around the woods with my uncle. The scenery was nice and I always enjoy being around my Uncle (more than probably my whole family because he sees me as me, not a dark moody piece of shit) but it didn’t clear my head like I had hoped. Did the opposite, actually. I feel so damn worse after getting back.
I had a good cry then slept half the day, but I came to the conclusion that I think the woods is my ideal resting place.
While the idea of death by hypothermia has crossed my mind a lot, I […]
Nobody cares about what I’ve gone through. Â It’s always “It can always get worse” or people just take pity. Â Who wants pity? Â I don’t. Â What does pity do? Â Nothing. Â Having pity for somebody and genuinely caring are completely different things.
Probably I have made the worst mistake in my life. I trusted in somebody. I told him that I cut. Things just got worse. He told a girl, and this girl couldn’t keep it a secret neither. Now the rumor is spreading like cancer in school.
I’m scared. I don’t know what will happen if a teacher knows, if my parents know… I need help please. I need someone I can trust. I feel more alone than ever. Now I feel more suicidal… maybe that’s the answer.
Today my father finally texted me after weeks have gone by. I don’t think I’ve looked at him for a month or two now, but he finally texted me that he loved me and hopes I’m doing well.
Oh yeah I’m doing great. Just got one foot in the grave, that’s all. These nice long cuts in my leg are just beautiful. Want to proof read these suicide notes I wrote since you’re such a hotshot writer with a published book?
But you don’t come upstairs to look me in the face, do you? And you say you “care”?
Hahaha, oh boy. Don’t bother to see me now […]
In the morning I want to die
in the morning I want to cry
in the morning they don’t see my tears,
in the morning they don’t live my fears.
And at night it’s even worse,
I think I have some type of curse.
at night I lie awake thinking, “Why am I still here?”
they don’t need me so now where?
And at night I lie awake
thinking about the morning.
A vast majority if my life as been spent sedate. Â This may seem like a bad thing. Perhaps it has stifled my coping mechanism. Either way the reality I the situation is this. when I was 16 I attempted Suicide. My parents foun me my stomach was pumped an I spent 9 weeks in the mental ward at the hospital, as long as another 5 months at a day treatment program. Truthfully at that time I wanted help. it seemed to me the more that I tried to use the services around me. The worse I really was, or the worse the people overseeing me […]
scared nobody will like me
scared to be alone
scared more people i love will die
scared my life will get worse
scared people wil see my scars
how can i not be affraid