How can we all be so sad? Do you guys actually feel connected ? I see some old and some new, do we really help, or prolong doomed options?
I’m a drifter I’m come and go. . .
Cause I one day I find hope and the next dispair…
Which I believe is worse, my duel personalites are tearing me apart…
Where are you? Deep in your hole climbing or looking down?
When people are suicidal, their thinking is paralyzed, their options appear spare or nonexistent, their mood is despairing, and hopelessness permeates their entire mental domain. The future cannot be separated from the present, and the present is painful beyond solace. ‘This is my last experiment,’ wrote a young chemist in his suicide note. ‘If there is any eternal torment worse than mine I’ll have to be shown.
I feel like shit.
One of things I absolutely hate is the fact that we no longer live a normal life anymore.
My father is jobless, and my mother works freelance at the company where my dad used to work at. For months now, he’s been jobless and he’s been living with us in the apartment I’ve been using for college. Currently, he applied to some company abroad, whereas he’s been waiting for his papers’ approval. We’ve tried telling him to work at the company he worked at before but he absolutely hates it there, so no question about him wanting to go back otherwise it’d lead […]
It’s been a long time since I’ve seen my wrists bleed.
I remember trying to slice my wrists in high school, and it accomplished nothing. I received no compassion. Instead people were disgusted and angry, and they scolded me and tried to shame me about it. I remember a slightly older classmate looking at my bandaged-up wrists saying “You’re going to have those scars forever and remember that dumbass thing you did.”
Here I am decades later, and the wrist has healed so well that I can’t even remember which wrist it was…. maybe it was both.
I tried OD’ing, and that was equally unsuccessful.
I didn’t keep cutting […]
Full moons around the corner and my sleep is getting worse
getting angry, 45 days sober, on house arrest in the middle of nowhere, court in November, could be looking at jail again
But I’m not looking that far. I’ve set a date for my suicide, if I still feel like it in June I’m going to kill myself.
started working again. Forgot how much I hate the farm, the hours suck, pay is horrible, work with a boss that hates me. Step dad’s suck balls. Real dads forgot about me. Chronic pain, need a hip replacement.
Wish I wasn’t an alcoholic, a good drunk would be awesome right […]
I’ve become a different person to who I was when I first came here and that’s a good thing. I still crave emotion and pain and fear as a a substitute for the other emotions missing from my life, but I no longer contemplate killing myself. I don’t know how, I haven’t received therapy, I haven’t changed much around me, but I’ve grown because I stuck it out and even now things aren’t perfect but I’ve been able to help and understand so many other people because I didn’t let myself die.
please take the time to reconsider, things do change for the better or worse, […]
Life is far too cruel and absurd to be lived.
I don’t know what fucked me up first – whether it was life or me. If I knew it was my own fault I don’t know if I would feel worse. But either way, what’s done is done. I’m damaged goods now.
I know that I had great potential – once. I know that I could have achieved some amazing things – once. If only I could turn back the hands of time – try a do-over, but this time with zero mistakes. This time, taking advantage of that limitless potential. This time, with the knowledge of […]
it’s amazing how they told me, when i was younger, that i won’t feel this way forever. They always told me that it will get better and that i should stay strong. Well, I can’t stay strong forever and things are only getting worse. I don’t know how long I can hold on…
I remember talking to a friend about the way i felt. They answered “Maybe life just isn’t for you.” This broke me but maybe they were right…All I know now is that it had never gotten better, so why would it now?
“Are you OK?”
I get asked it often, nowadays:
During lunch, sitting alone in an empty hallway, my face in my hands. Well, what is the answer?
I’ve come to realize that though I strongly DISLIKE getting asked the question, I know that the people who take their time to inquire about my feelings/ well-being are the nicest, kindest people- even if they genuinely don’t care, they still ask. And their asking helps me remember where I am and to keep […]
I need to accept the reality; either through force or escape. I’m so cold, so numb, so apathetic that I can’t save anyone. Yet, I try for no other reason than boredom. I don’t want to help them, I just do it to make it seem like my life has meaning. In the end, I just make things worse… Because I just don’t care.
Screw it, I’ll just say it already! Anyone that dates/befriends me is asking for trouble, especially on SP. God forbid, someone on here does develop a crush on me… I don’t even want to imagine that horror show…
Just walked in thinking everyone thinks im shit (which they do). Its better then walkong in all happy, and excited thinking im just going to be nice and maby make some friends. But insted they are just fake to me and talk shit about me behind my back. This way they cant hurt me worse then i hurt myself. ? Is it bad that this makes me calm.
I saw someone I know today that I hadn’t seen for a few years and they are and have been going through a much worse time than me.
They asked me how I had been and I lied and said ok because I felt guilty for feeling bad when their pain is so much greater than mine.
So now I feel sad for them, sad for my pathetic self that cannot handle things and angry that life is so cruel to so many people.
I’m so self destructive
things start going good, then I do as much as possible to ruin any progress I make and get myself in a worse situation
The end is coming soon, at least I have death to look forward to.
Hello, Father. I never did live up to your expectations… Well, I guess I should thank you for creating me… That is creating this monster that shouldn’t exist! Even if it was just a chemical imbalance, it’s far too late to change anything! This family is already broken. Yet, you are too blinded to realize your actions are doing more harm than good. Enjoy your “freedom”, father.
Hello, Mother. You tell me to ignore the irrationality of father but it doesn’t matter anymore. A madness far worse than depression has already set in. It’s rather funny if you think about it… A one million dollar investment […]
Reading some people’s posts here sometimes makes me think that I don’t have it that bad, if things are written on paper. At the same time I think thought that I personally am much worse. People here have attractive personalities and can socialize so well, they say creative things and go back and forth with each other so well. In contrast I just feel like a lurker, a package containing all the negatives of the human experience who found the ultimate worse addictions, feeling sorry for himself and reading about people who truly struggle with real problems.
I wish I could communicate better, and I’m not […]
That’s because there is no one no one, no one, whose life will be even a tiny bit altered by my death. Not one person upset, except the people who will smell the stench from my apartment 3 weeks after I’m gone and the people who have to clear up the mess left behind and my rotting carcass. But sad? Nah. Not a soul.
I have no family left, no friends. I go months without uttering a word to anyone except perhaps the occasional post man ‘hello’ and perhaps thank you to the lady at the supermarket till.
Anyway, It’s been a while since I first posted […]
..And sick fascination, glued to the screen of its descent. Binge watching the drama of your life unravelling, slowly, season by season. Gripping entertainment at its worst. No matter the warnings, ominous music threatening the hero’s demise, still you sit back with popcorn and watch it happen. Almost in a way, dysfunctionally, satisfied at the continuing destruction before you…”How much worse can it get? Ooo, lets tune in next week and see”. Somehow paralyzed, unable to gain access to the writer’s room and alter the narrative, however fully aware you know you own the studio, licensing and creative rights.. At least that’s how it feels […]
(Not a poem this time, I just need to rant)
I’m a size 8. I still feel like a size 18.
I wear a medium shirt. I still feel like a size XXL.
I look in the mirror and my face bloats.
I hate my eyes. I hate my smile. I hate the dimples in my cheeks. I hate my lips. I hate my chin.
It’s been getting worse lately and I don’t know how to stop the skewed perception I have of myself.
I go to the gym 3-5 times a week, I do yoga, I eat healthy (I’m vegan ffs) yet I still feel disgusting and guilty everytime I […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I have been struggling with depression for quite a while now. It hit me hard in March last year and it ended up with a suicide attempt that was close to being a success in late October.
After my suicide attempt i decided to make a change, but after i had a big breakdown at my birthday in december i realized that it wouldn’t happen.
To my surprise i got a job offer abroad, i have been here for a couple of weeks now, and things have been great ever since i got the offer really. But today i felt it was coming back, and it’s coming […]
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