I thought about suicide again today. The pill bottle was in my reach. All I had to do was grab it and walk to my room, but I didn’t. While I was walking by all I could think was “Life is worth living. You have to live.” Now I know I should have done it. The pain I feel everyday is like a whole getting bigger and bigger. It feels like someone is scraping the inside of my chest out. I just get so angry and I try to calm down. There is this method my Mom told me about. She always said “Count to […]
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worth
Lost everything, lost my heart, lost every interest. I wish I never exist.
If you ever loved me, my life would worth it. But you never did, yet I love you like everything, I love you with all my life.
If I was not 14 years old when I fell in love with you, it would less hurt.
Why do we even try? Before we were born, nothing existed to us, and when we die, we’ll return to the same non-existent state where nothing will matter to us anymore because, well, we just won’t “be”. Soon, our accomplishments and memories will fade within the skies and the soil, and sure, some of us may be remembered, but even then, does it really last that long? Is it worth doing anything if it’ll all crumble? Honestly, it’s complicated…
I have been severely depressed for several years. I began to think I was bi polar because it would be unbearable for a few months then it would be manageable for a few months then unbearable for a few years etc etc. However apparently with bipolar you get to feel maniacally happy for a small period of the time. Lucky bastards. I broke up with the first person I ever truly loved, due to an occurrence of cheating (on his part) which broke me. Up until this point, I had been getting better. Slowly becoming more active and happier. He managed to destroy my entire […]
This world is really… How should I put it? Bland? Complicated? Most of my life is spent just living like a robot doing what’s expected of me and kind of just… not really connected to my body. Like I’m not really all that there.
I don’t know what I even want to do in life or why was I even born in the first place. Honestly, I feel like I’m useless. I don’t have any skills worth talking about, a coward and I’m socially awkward. I basically just there taking up space.
I hate my current job, it pays so little, and the union itself took a […]
There’s a number of ways this post is going to go and things I want to talk about that I’ve been thinking about. But it’s all just going to be one giant rant in the end of how much I want to kill myself. First, I’ve been beginning to notice once you’re 21, your life is over. There’s such a big difference between each year until that age. “remember when we were 16 and we used to do that?” We’re 18 now. Those 2 years make the world, but whether you’re 30 or 35, there really is no difference. That being said, I feel I […]
The first time i was raped i was seven. i didn’t grow up with a father figure around, and i guess wasn’t shown love so i honestly thought that this was how somepne showed you they love you. I’ve been raped three times sinse then. By ‘friends’ that i obviously trusted to much, by my uncke.. all my life I’ve been classified by numbers whether it be how much my hospital bill was, what grades I’m getting or how much i weigh. a few weeks ago i was shown that I’m worth $50 cause that’s how much someone paid to rape me. I’m so […]
I hate it when people say, “It gets better”
Like how the fuck do you know? What if it doesn’t get better. What if I just continue to fail miserably? What if everything just gets worse? Was worth waiting around? Was it worth trying so hard every day, to just fall flat again?
I don’t think I’m willing to keep following the cycle.
What do you do with your time? Do you think it’s worth it? Im actually asking hoping for answers.
When I breathe, each time i exhale i feel the weight of life pushing down and its hard to keep up..
Maybe I’m just not built as strong as other people.
I don’t know if I am built to feel, or if that’s just another dumb excuse.
Things are.. hard..
the past.. now.. and the future i don’t see.
Is this all really worth the fight.. ?
Is it all worth the suffering.
and now I feel light headed from the numbness.
the numbness in which this lingering. mother. fucking. depression. has brought upon me.
the emotion to feel numb after being stabbed so many, god damn times.
So the plan is this. I’m going to keep driving until I don’t know where I am any more. Then I’ll keep driving some more. Then I’ll find a place to park and then the fun can begin because it is at this point that I proceed to get immensely drunk. And if I wake up the next day, then i’ll get more drunk. And so on.
Now if this doesn’t sound like a party worth going to then I don’t know what does. Anybody care to join me?
If you live in (Northern) Ireland then just let me know 😉
So is it worth being yourself
Things I tell myself on a daily basis..
They probably think you’re so stupid
They think you’re a joke
Why are you like this
Why can’t you be something the can be proud of
Why can’t you do anything right
You never fail at disappointing people
You created this whole shit fest of a life that you’re stuck in
Lay down and wither away
Don’t cry.. Do not cry
You’re such a fucking coward
You could never possibly be good enough to be likeable
You have never and will never finish anything because you fail
You will never truly be worth someone’s time
You are nothing..
Rot […]
So, a year ago I had a laser treatment on my face which left scars. They’re not getting any better. And so many things have gone wrong since then. I wish I hadn’t done it. I thought I was getting over this, but in the past week I’ve been thinking about suicide a lot.
Yesterday I walked home and I wished there would be some madman waiting for me and throwing an axe through my chest. Then I stayed up all night browsing humor sites just to keep myself preoccupied. When I finally went to sleep near morning, the only thing that calmed me was the […]
Please don’t hesitate to talk to me. tinyurl.com/m9zdb2b
Please don’t hesitate to talk to me tinyurl.com/m9zdb2b
“I’m not depressed and I’m not unhappy, because I believe that happiness is not a destination to reach and set up camp at, it’s a place you visit every once in a while when the stars are aligned just right or something along those lines.”
This was sent to me by someone in an E-mail a couple of weeks ago and it got me thinking. I (like many other people here, I’m sure) have not been happy in many years and I wonder if constant, true happiness is common even for those who possess all of the things many of us relate to happiness – money, […]
That little voice is telling me to kill myself.
That little voice is telling me to push everyone away.
That little voice is telling me I have no worth living.
That little voice is telling me to stop eating.
That little voice is telling me I’m useless.
That little voice is telling me I am a jerk for pushing everyone away.
That little voice is telling me to die.
That little voice is me.
“Sweet soul, you have done more than you give yourself credit for, you are far more beautiful than you make out, you have made your way past moments that could have destroyed you and your future shines brighter than you realize. Celebrate yourself in this moment. The world is fortunate to have you.” ~ S.C. Lourie
Have hope and don’t be so hard on yourselves. You are always better, more important, and more alive than you feel in the darkest moments. there is light and there is a tomorrow.
I get crap for literally everything.
My music, my hair, my weight, my face, my personality, my sexuality, just everything.
I’m so tired of it..I know it seems ridiculous, but every day I get told to kill myself or hurt myself in general. I know I could just ignore it, but it’s not that easy when it constantly happens.
I don’t want to exist anymore. I won’t be hard to be forgotten. I’m just a waste lf space, time, and life. People have tried to help me, but it feels like there’s this darkness that kust pulls me back. No matter how hard I try. It’s killing me. […]