my life is meaningless

January 1st, 2009 by kiki

I am in my 30s and single. I have never had a relationship and have a meaningless job. I long to have a husband to care about and a job I want to wake up and go to. Is that too much to ask? I recently lost a love of my life. Though he may not be the only one, I doubt I can stand losing another, so he may be the last. I’m not a bad person. I may be simple in my desires, to love and be loved, but is that so wrong? I feel like there is a playbook to life that nobody gave me. Worse, I feel like I am just taking up space, like the village idiot. I don’t have the courage to kill myself but I don’t know how to change my life. I have survived abuse, rape, drugs, abandonment only to just take up space and waste it.

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3 Responses to “my life is meaningless”

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  1. If you are finding your job meaningless, then find another, though in this economic climate that could be risky. If you have to stick with it, and do not find it rewarding, then take some of your free time and go volunteer charity work for the needy, you will find it very fulfilling as helping others makes most people happy.
    As for the relationship, there are choices out there, lots of different match making web sites, match.com, eharmony.com etc. Its probably better to go with a paid one to filter out the players.
    It sucks to be lonely, and it maybe possible you will live to 100 and never find the right man for you. Its also possible you may meet him in the next hour. If you ended your life though, you would never find out. Life is tough and harsh, you know this, but its the only one we have, so please, trudge on.

  2. I am 37, was married for ten years. Now divorced. I was a bar tender for those ten years. I went back to school a few years ago for IT. Got my first job, and was laid off 6 months later. Found a new job, and I am underperforming. My boss has given me one month to get a certification. Took the test today, and failed. Studied my butt off. I have lived in this city for a year, but have met no one. I just don’t see the point anymore.

  3. Hi kiki, any update on this post – how has time change you situation or perception of it

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