Hey, thanks for everyone who commented and talked to me on my last post. I’ve really come to some solid realizations that I need to start appreciating my life more and the things I love to do in this world. I need to find myself without the crutch of having some one else there to fill a void that needs no filling in the first place. That pursuit is not achievable! I’m not gonna pretend that I’m a whole person, because I haven’t found myself yet..I’m not secure with who I am yet. And I’m not gonna let that kill me, or drive me insane or make me a social outcast. I’m not gonna let depression get the best of me and compromise my health and well being! I’m not just gonna fight to stay alive, I’m gonna be ok with living on terms I can accept before needing the acceptance of another person. All this time I thought my life was suppose to mean more but in reality it hasn’t meant anything to me without measuring myself against everything I want in this world, cause I haven’t gotten it..not yet.
I might never get there, but that’s the whole point. I need to be accepting of myself and my life and appreciate it before I can devote that life to some one worth loving.
Frustrations will be there, but ill try my hardest to stay focused and channel that energy into something that brings a positive outcome. (I say as the side of my head pounds)
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Good luck RT. (: Sending good vibes your way.
Positive vibes received! 🙂 hehe thanks!
Man I think your thread helped me as much as it helped you. If nothing else it made me stop taking pills and get a cup of coffee instead ha. Anyway your post reminded me of a great line from Casablanca: “Welcome back to the fight. This time I know our side will win.”
Hell, I hope it helped some one besides myself! lol it helps to get it out sometimes and lay it on the table >figuratively< of course.
Yeah, fuck! I mean.. Work is hard shit to face when you are feeling like a cock sucking lizard zombie!! But I have to imagine myself being motivated throughout my day by my own interests. In a way I have to find the motivation to get back into my old interests like fishing and backpacking and other hobbies. I have to find that love for those things again.
That’s good stuff there.
I like how the tag reads “I Will Survive”, because you certainly will.
Fight well, Real Talk. Do ya thing, man. Fuck what they lookin’ at…
I didn’t comment on your last post (will look for it) but i thought i’d wish you luck on this search of yourself that you are beginning. It’s really difficult finding yourself when you’ve been used to let someone else define a part of you for so long, yet it’s not impossible. I also wanted to thank you for posting this, it helped me in many many ways 🙂
Thanks, everyone! 🙂
I was re reading this post and to me it kinda looks like a post some one would put up after trying to kill themselves and realizing that they actually wanted to live. But if you didn’t read my last post, I wasn’t the one trying to kill myself (that was another childish attention seeking post by another constant cry baby, I mean seriously enough is enough 😉 take that kid) anyways… No I didn’t try to kill myself, I simply wanted to post as much positivity as I could from this outcome.
You people are always so good at relating and giving good advice I almost feel guilty that I’m taking up some of your time. lol but if indeed others can benefit from the shit that I write then …well, that’s why I’m here.
Today… Today I feel good about myself! I feel my interests and selective focuses backing my confidence up, filling that empty space in my mind that holds the hurt. It’s holding a bit of hope this morning (3:50am) so that I may get through my day. Hopefully when I get to work I can have a feeling of everything being fresh and new.
Because its all new if you feel it.. These are new days, new times! And if it’s a new feeling In the air, then it’s a new Zion.. Oh what a new day!! (- Bob Marley) but you get my point! lol
@Somebody eat something yummy for me today!! And I will welcome the morning mist with some clouds of my own for you all. I.e. toke’n fat bowls before work!!
Mmmmwwwwaaaaa LATERS!!!!
What you said earlier was pretty low man and idk why you would say that to someone when they feel that way. After having all that positive from people to your comment. Like I know I bet I could go through your stuff and say something rude to you but I won’t cuz I would never do that to someone who feels the way I did.
Like last night to me
Look guy.. You are in a bad frame of mind and you don’t know what you are doing or talking about. I didn’t say anything wrong. M comment was a “for your own good” comment wanting you to get help. Telling you that if you don’t find a grip in life, some one is gonna take your freedom away. Do you understand now? I dont wish bad things to happen to you, of course not. im not a monster, im just not a push over either. I’ve tried to leave you alone but you insist on trying to convince people that you are so lost that you are surely gonna kill yourself. You aren’t gonna kill yourself and I’ve seen that and it makes me frustrated that you keep tugging at people’s heart strings. You need help, you need to be accepting of the help you find. Stop all this “oh I hate life” then turn around and tell people you found courage only to turn around and try to kill yourself again. Look at what you are doing.. You will end up pushing everyone away again. Take control before its too late cuz obviously… It’s not too late if you are still here.
Seriously.. Im sorry you are hurting and im sorry it isnt easy at all, but be strong man! Good luck!
Yea I understand but last night what I did I true planned on doing it. And like I wish I could type everything that has happened to me so you could fully understand but I can’t. But also did you read my post from this morning
Guy.. We’ve had this conversation before. Idk why you insist that I read your words as if to strike some sort of cord in me that grants approval of suicide. Everything I’ve commented on was in response to what (A) I already know about you and (B) you trying to kill yourself and making it public to the world. Dude..kids are on this site all the time. You are basically telling them that it’s ok to do it and all they have to do is take the drugs that the doctor gives them and its that easy. Don’t you realize what you are doing? Do you care at all is the question and the answer shows NO by your actions. You don’t care about these people by saying “oh thanks guys for trying to help me but I’m gonna kill myself anyways, oh and you guys can watch as I do it”
This is what you need to understand. You don’t have to prove to me that you actually intended to kill yourself or that your life is so fucked up that it warrants it. I already know life is fucked up, and no ill never condone suicide or the public display of it.
You need to stand strong and move on from all this while you still can. Stop pushing people away and saying that you need them again. You need to just do you and be yourself and stop asking for approval from others. Just be you.
Definitely find help
I gotta go into work.
(Btw these little conversations cost me time and money so you better believe I fucking care)
Fuck yeah!!!!
Anyone ever get that overwhelming feeling of excitement? It just comes out of no where and swells inside till you can’t help but smirk about all the irony life blesses us with, knowing we are all damned anyways! All fear, all joy, pure sensations of bliss…the perfect drug that cant be purchased. It’s that fire in the back of my brain, it’s that mind set i live my life for! I can feel it taking hold again! 🙂 to think, yesterday I just assume leap from this roof top to my death and it could be all finished.. But now as I look over the edge at a world so new and full of mystery.. Now my greatest fear is that if I take that leap, ill suddenly spring up wings, take to the sky and never come back down!
I wish I could take each and every one of your hearts up in my hands, hold them so close and squeeze every last drop of pain till you feel the love I have right at this moment!
If only I could cast this strength out on to the world and lift you all from this hell, id gladly give up my life to share this with you all.