Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always felt alone. Even though I grew up around a loving family, had siblings, cousins and friends, I still felt absolutely alone. I have always had this yearning to belong, to feel loved and to feel connected to someone or something.
I’ve always kept a diary and I use that to vent my frustrations or to release anything that I thought about obsessively. Now, at 28 I feel more alone than ever before. I truly feel like no one cares about me. Throughout my life, I’ve cried so many times and have felt so much unexplainable hurt and pain. I haven’t been through anything traumatic (except for the passing of my father when I was 15, but even that wasn’t too bad) and I had a fantastic upbringing and experiences. Still, I feel such a void. Such a pain. So much saddness.
I have worked very hard in my life and have accomlished many things, yet I feel so sad. I’ve tried religion, have read a ton of self-help books and writing more but nothing has helped. I’m at the point where I don’t want to live anymore. I have no real friends.I hardly communicate with my family and every attempt at a romantic relationship has failed. I am a very confident person and I know that I have a lot to offer the world but I constantly feel like I am not good enough and that I will forever be inadequate.
I have thought about killing myself many times. But I don’t want to hurt my loved ones. I tried to slit my wrists in HS but it didn’t work. I used to slap my face really hard but it hurt too much.
I just want someone to care about me and know all the pain that I have felt all my life. I have a lot of “friends” and family and they all think I am this strong, confident person. But I am so weak and so exhausted.
I don’t want to be sad anymore.
3 comments
I understand where you’re coming from, NowhereToGo… and I see some parallels. It seems that we’ve tried and experienced similar things… and it seems that we understand that we can “offer the world” a lot. Yet, for some reason, we find ourselves in this situation… seemingly alone and struggling.
Sometimes all I have is faith. Life doesn’t have to be sad and alone. I look around me and I see a lot of happiness. It’s like a dangling carrot to me. Others have found the ticket to happiness while I seek it. But I don’t give up. You shouldn’t either.
It’s easy to forget that people care about you when the days are dark. Try to remember that you are cared for. It may help you push through.
You sound like someone I know.
Nobody can change that feeling of you are never enough…Nobody!
When dating someone they need to be the open type that will endure your pain as if it were their own. I’ll talk to you none stop…but that will not make the pain go away. Try distracting yourself
When everything becomes unbearable.
Your post…sounds…exactly like me and my previous posts. I mean…it’s kind of uncanny.
“Loving” family, but I couldn’t feel close to them. I felt like a stranger in my own home. I felt I was born into the wrong family, in the wrong town, wrong country…sometimes even the wrong time.
At that time, I really wanted to feel what it meant to be loved. But I couldn’t experience the emotion, even if people said it to me.
The thing I felt most connected through during my entire childhood was my cat.
I’m the same age as you now. Even though I had a very important person in my life, I still FEEL alone and unwanted. I feel inadequate. I’ve used the same exact word to describe my own feelings many times.
My mother passed away during my early teenage years. I forget the exact year.
I’ve also accomplished many things, and I know I have the power to accomplish more, but I either feel too tired of fighting or I just feel like no one cares. No one will appreciate my effort, Or my effort is just never good enough for anyone except me, in my mind.
I’ve never slit my wrists, but I’ve cut other areas. I used to punch my head very hard. But I stopped after I hit the side of my head too hard. I had a giant lump for about a month that hurt incredibly. Even though the lump is gone, even if I lightly touch that area now, it hurts. I made a really big mistake. And i’ve made mistakes when cutting. I want to stop. Self-injury sucks.
My friends and family also see me as a strong, confident, fighter, but I am exhausted. I used that word a lot to describe myself.
I think we really have a lot in common. You’re not alone. There are people just like you, going through similar experience.
Maybe we should talk to each other and help each other overcome it. If you want, please send me an e-mail.
Replace “dot” with .
Replace “at” with @
dlta dot hdn dot frbn dot hlygrnd at hotmail dot com
My other e-mail address doesn’t seem to be working >_>
Please use that one. I’ll try to respond quickly.