I lived alone with my brothers while my parents are living outside of country for 5 years. I miss the total privacy I had before doing all these attemps.. I used to lock my door and no one would even ask me why I did and I really miss that for a reason that partial suspension is my only way out.. could’ve taken all the time I want in my room to do it and get done with it with my room locked but I ruined this chance for myself.. I’ve done other attempts, ***** attempts (with pills) and now that my mom lives with us (she also knows) it’s impossible to get the privacy I had before. After I checked in a hotel (last attempt) and overdosed on 150 sleeping pills and painkillers and slept for 28 hours straight, could’ve slept even for more if there weren’t knockings on the door, I went home and that was it.. I have 0 trust from my family now.. I now can’t close my door except if I’m sleeping and my pocket money now is enough to buy a good pack of gum. Instead of doing all these attempts I could’ve just done the partial suspension in my room a long time ago and gotten over my sufferings already. Now I can’t do it except in the bathroom… and what a place to do it and with a water tube close to the ceiling, not frightening at all..
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Although I have seen you post a lot about your suicide attempts I don’t recall reading anything about why. What is the problem anyways?
I have a bone disorder making my whole body look deformed. It develops with age.
Flipnflap, is your quality of life so bad now that you’re suicidal, or is it the fear of the future and the worsening of the condition that causes you to want to end it. From your previous posts, I know your mother loves you dearly, as you do her; the situation you find yourself in is so sad. If you’re in physical pain then I’m so sorry, it’s the hardest thing to live with and I understand your wish to die, although I wish you could find another way. If you have no physical pain then I have to say to keep going, I recognise it’s hard for you but you are such a nice person, and you don’t deserve what’s happened to you. You know the difficulty of partial suspension, gettting it right, it worries me to think of you scared in the noose trying. It’s difficult to write this, please forgive me, as I’ll never want you to try, I know you do, I just wish you could find something to keep going, even with your condition, to have a future, you’re still so young.
Both. And I am in physical pain.. I don’t want to get deep into that because it saddens me but because of the condition I have a lot of things are hurting me. It’s only become this bad last year, before that I was a happy person. Now I just can’t stand the thought of me being like this forever.
To be in physical pain is such a strong reason to want to end it, especially when the future appears not to bring any relief. We should all be able to have a decent standard of life so we can at least try to fulfill our potential, at such a young age it’s been so cruelly taken from you. To know the love you and your family has for each other makes it so hard, but it’s always your decision, based on the information you have. Don’t ever feel tempted for a full suspension hanging, it seems a horrible way to go, you deserve as peaceful a way as possible. You are a decent and caring person which makes it so hard, if there is any chance of a future then please try, else, I wish you the peace you’ve been looking for.
To be in physical pain is such a strong reason to want to end it, especially when the future appears not to bring any relief. We should all be able to have a decent standard of life so we can at least try to fulfill our potential, at such a young age it’s been so cruelly taken from you. To know the love you and your family has for each other makes it so hard, but it’s always your decision, based on the information you have. Don’t ever feel tempted for a full suspension hanging, it seems a horrible way to go, you deserve as peaceful a way as possible. You are a decent and caring person which makes it so hard, if there is any chance of a future then please try, else, I wish you the peace you’ve been looking for.
Have to do it before college starts next week. My parents don’t know I don’t attend any of the classes. I have to do it before life gets worse where they might find out, I’m technically not even registered in the college and I was supposed to fix that mistake on the system but I didn’t.