In my long 19 years of life I’ve had 3 unsuccessful suicide attempts. After the 3rd time I was convinced I was indestructible. Im stuck in a world I don’t want to be a part of. It sucks to be a woman in a world like this.. You are viewed as a sex object no matter how high up in the social ladder u are. It sucks even more when u recognize the game players play. I SEE IT. This is why I’m alone..I don’t want to be a piece of meat to some piece of shit. I remember when I stopped loving myself 2 boys took advantage of me & pretended to care..they just used me for sex & 1 of them tried getting money out of me. They saw my cuts, they saw dat I was in pain..all they did was suck me dry until there was no happy left in me. They are the definition of kicking someone wen u are down. After I had nothing left they left me for a successful lady dat had her life together & post online about how some girls aren’t shit..as if I’m expected to already b perfect for them. Fuck them. I’m glad I hit the 2nd guy..but now he posts about hitting woman..so dat backfired….. I gave the world a chance before, I was a character willing to play the game of life.. I caked my face with makeup, I dyed my hair dry, I wore the tightest clothes till my money was gone, I pretended to be happy & perfect, I pulled it off. I even tried community college & a job. But wat did this get me? Unbearable pain & a smack in the face of wat life actually is. I quit the job, I lost all my friends to hard drugs, love is an illusion people use against you, I don’t wanna bring children into this filthy place. I pray to god every night to take my life away..give it to someone who truly wants it. I don’t want to start over for the 100th time. My parents gave up on me..they don’t push me to try in life..they just let me sit in my room in the dark.. I can’t put myself together & go back out there. People my age party, have money, go to school,. I have no desire to live. My mother is an extreme religious person that just prays & prays..but nothing happens. I don’t want a companion..in my town everybody is used up..I don’t want to be a part of that..I don’t need girls laughing at me again about the things they did with my companion. Yes I already tried drugs..& wen I sobered up & got clean all the pain I ignored hit me 3 times as hard. Drugs just mask the pain that is there. I rather just feel it than to have it hit me all at once again. I wish this boy in a gang shot my brains out. He pointed a gun at my head but I creeped him out when I smiled & he left.. Why won’t god let me go..I’m literally not doing anything at all..I have no purpose. If there isn’t a god..then let me quit this stupid game of life…whatever this is. Someone please tell me..wat can u do when there just isn’t anything to do anymore?
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
5 comments
Wow it feels interesting to meet someone going thru the exact same life as me ?
Do you really think there isn’t anything to do anymore?
I can elate..
altrough i am a boy i can really relate to your story in many ways … i had a taste of both lifes and i don’t know if you believe me but both suck … i wish you all the best luck in the world and hope you find a pourpuse
You are so right about the drug use. My life is so much worse because of that junk.
This will sound cheesy, but I found love to be the reason people live in this world and keep trying. Opening your heart to love, both receiving and giving it, is terrifying and risky. But if you hide away and lock your heart up, beating depression may be impossible.
Getting a pet is a good way to feel love. Dogs especially will love you unconditionally and won’t judge you.
One more thing, I spoke to a priest about how I lost my faith in God as a kid. I was told God exists in your heart and so it is easy to stop believing when you get severely depressed and lock up your heart to avoid pain. Now I’m working on opening my heart to God’s love. It’s been a slow and painful process but also a joyful one because now I understand why and how people work hard, have families, get involved in the community and live life to old age with a smile on there face.