Help for a plan to kill myself?

hows this for a way to die, old age. if you dont like how youre living your life, do it differently. you say you are living a lie, then show what youve been hiding. end what makes your life bad, not the life itself.

i have tried suicide a couple times too and i still dnt want to live but one reason i stay alive is to make people suffer some people i no have put me thru absolute hell and now the last time i tried cutting my wrists i stopped and decided to be stronger than that and make their lives hell so slowly and discreetly i am torturing them by playing mind games i will do something but they wnt accuse me becaise y would i want to hurt them? i “care” about them so what i suggest u do is get even dnt kill yourself its not worth it mind games are much more fun 🙂 i no i probably sound like a fucking psycho but im rlly not i just get even lol so if u need to talk im here and i no what your going thru mentally..after all i have a alcoholic mother that abuses me so i am pretty messed up and i can help if u want my help

i wanna cap myself too. i have all bad job references or none at all, even though i worked hard my whole life. i always quit my jobs suddenly due to people pissing me off, or because i cant do anything right on the job and feel worthless. my memory sux and causes me to make mistakes all the time, resulting in me getting screamed at. i work 7 days a week in the racehorse biz, and live on racetracks in usually poor conditions. i walk 10-20 miles a day and my legs hurt constantly and my feet are wrecked. i sleep a split shift 2hrs then 3 hrs. i wanna get out of the biz but have no good references. now theres no jobs in amerika anyway. the whole country is screwed. i wish i could just get on disability but that is nearly impossible. im 40 on wednesday and have no girlfriend since 1994. my parents are no help. i wouldnt survive the disability marathon only to be denied due to mental illness not being a true disability. ive got just about every one short of schitzo. i think the only reason im still alive is my fear of death being worse than it already is now. people suck and i never go around them. i sit in my room for 6 years, only coming out to work and eat. i dont drive and when i walk down the street people driving by in cars always laugh at me and yell shit. i hate where this country is heading and i hate everyone younger than 30 and most all people in general, especially girls. im straight but girls piss me off as they are empty headed optimists that only concerned with aesthetics. so yeah, i understand why u wanna die. life is just a cheap, cruel joke. i always thought it would be cool if every person on the planet killed themselves at the same time in protest to gods cruel trick hes played on all of us.

I.. am so tired of life.. so tired of feeling like a failure. I feel worthless. I want to die. Why can’t anyone see me? I’m so fucking lost.. i need some serious help.. please help me.. someone 🙁 anyone.. i can’t even write this without crying

Such a long story.. I was so desperate last night. I still am and I don’t know what to do. I’m 20 years old, still living at home and I don’t have a job. My biological dad killed himself as did my uncle, we were very close. My mom, who has been married to another man for 17 years has been cheating on him and is now pregnant with another guy. My stepdad really needed me to be there for him because she left and she was his world, I’ve stayed up for nights listening to him talking about his feelings, I’ve comforted him when he cried and I’ve called the ambulance when the pain was too much for him to bear and he couldn’t breathe and had panic attacks. She felt bad and came back into our lives only to make it a living hell again. I have a brother who’s 14 and a sister who just turned 16. Mom is pushing me to get a job so I can pay her debt while she spends her money on new clothes for her and jewlery for her to wear while she’s out finding new guys to sleep with. My sister is allergic to flour so she gets some money each month to buy special food, but mom takes it and buys something for herself. Our bills are piling up and we have no way of paying it even though my stepdad is working, she demands he gives her the money so she can go out and do whatever. I had my heart set on moving to Ireland where my boyfriend just got a job, he left from Sweden to go there today, I applied for a job there to get away from the stress here, but I didn’t get the job. My mom just looked at me and laughed, and said “haha, did you really think you would get the job? you can’t do anything right!”
She is so angry at everyone every single day and night, even though she did the mistakes. She let US down, she was screwing around behind OUR backs. We LET her come back, but she didn’t even apologize. I had another fight with her today, she didn’t even talk to me for 5 hours and I went to do the dishes and she said “aren’t you even going to say thank you for the food?” and I said “I was just going to do the dishes first” and then she flipped at me because I cried last night while talking to my stepdad (whom I’ve grown a lot closer to because of her bullshit) and she said “why do you even talk to me? you can talk to you stepdad, you don’t need me” and I said “so you’re not my mom anymore?” and she said “no, I wish I never had you, I hope you get a job and move out so I won’t have to look at you anymore” and then she called me a ‘baby killer’ because I got raped at 15 and had an abortion because I couldn’t stand the thought of raising a baby that was forced on me.
I need some serious help and someone to talk to asap. I don’t know what to do and I’m scared I’ll do something stupid. I’m so lost and scared. I’m scared of dying because I don’t think anyone would show up at my funeral.
Help me.

Yeah .. I don’t know. Maybe it is all my fault somehow. Bad karma maybe? Or maybe some people are just meant to be depressed, some people aren’t meant to be happy. Seems like I’m losing everyone I care about. My mom just came into my room screaming saying I needed to pack my bags and get the hell out of her house and that I’m not welcome here anymore .. and my stepdad told me to lock my door and stay in there till she is calm. I’m so desperate for someone to see my cries for help. If I get kicked out I’ll have nowhere to go and I don’t have any cash. I tried talking to my bestfriend, but she’s busy with her boyfriend and I told her what’s going on and all she said was “seriously?” and then she said she had to go and I haven’t heard from her since. I guess the only person you can trust nowadays is yourself .. but what happens when you can’t trust yourself because your head is telling you to end your life and your heart still wants to hold on because there might be some hope?
I’m so freaking torn.. I know I’m 20 and should be acting like a grown up, but I feel like a terrified little kid. why can’t anyone see me..

Hi TJ
Just don’t give up. There are plenty of chances left in life if you are just 20.
You can start over at any time.

Trust your boyfriend and believe him when he says he loves you, hold on to that feeling and keep hoping and believing.

We are all here for you if you need us.

Yeah, I’ll make own thread and write it there.. I was just really really desperate that night and had to tell someone and that was all I could find.. I’ll brb with my own thread though